Always
by OurNightlock
Summary: Katniss is taken into the hands of the Capitol, after the Quarter Quell mishap. Peeta was saved by the rebels, and now must take the position as the Mockingjay.
1. Chapter 1

I slowly come to consciousness my eyes fluttering open the last thing I remember was my arrow hitting the force field in the arena. My vision is blurry at first but it slowly comes into focus. I become aware of the metal restraints on my wrists and I try to squirm free with no luck. As I try to break free one thought forms in my mind - Peeta. His name passes my lips in a whisper before I can stop it. I look around the large room for any sign of him, my eyes landing on Johanna, Enobaria, and the mad girl from 4 - Annie. I see them all still unconscious and I start panicking, my feet restrained as well. "Peeta" I say his name loudly, and Johanna slowly raises her head beside me "He got away" I turn to her my breathing increasing as I try to get free of the restraints. "Then where is he?" My voice is shaky as I speak there was no hiding my fear, but what was the point? "He was saved. He's in thirteen now" Confusion crosses my features as I take in her words, but before I can ask anything else the door opens. We both snap our heads in the direction. I try more frantically to get lose of the restraints when I see Snow and a Peacekeeper walk in. It finally registers that I've been taken to the capitol. I was just thankful it was me and not Peeta. Snow walks over to me a sly smirk on his face, his feet echoing in the large empty room. I kick my feet with no use unable to break free as he get's closer. "Katniss, do you remember our deal" His voice comes out in almost a hiss - or maybe that was just the way I was hearing it. I keep my lips pressed tightly together. He leans in closer to me and the scent of roses and blood hits me almost causing me to gag. "We promised not to lie to each other, dear" He hand moves to a piece of hair stuck to my forehead and he moves it from my face. I recoil from his touch an almost growl like sound coming from my mouth when he does. He pulls away and chuckles. So this was funny to him? "What do you know about the rebellion" he waits patiently for my answer. "I don't know what the hell you're talk about" I snap at him growing impatient and more scared as the seconds tick by and I can't even budge the restraints around my wrists and ankles. His hand clamps down on my hands tightly and I try to squirm free with no luck. "Katniss dear, tell the truth" I try moving my hands and he only clamps down on them harder causing pain in my hands. "I told you I don't know." He pulls back clearly frustrated with me, he walks to the peacekeeper and says loudly and clearly "Let that one be-" he points to me as he says this "We can use her as a weapon against Peeta" My eyes widen and my breathing quickly increases again my hands already forming bruises from where he had gripped them. The peacekeeper nods once and walks to Johanna. "Hmm, where to start" his voice comes out taunting and snake like as he walks in circles around her. "What are you going to do to me?" her voice shakes as she speaks. Unable to tear my eyes away from the scene going on next to me - hardly unaware that Snow had left. He grips her hands just as snow had done mine, but he must've done it a lot harder because a squeal escapes her lips. I flinch as she does. "I don't know sweetheart, something to get the information out of you" She stiffens slightly as he says this and I can tell she knew something. "I'll never tell you" she spats at him and glares. "Alright, it's your choice" My eyes widen as he releases her hand and draws his hand back. Before I can even blink his hand has fallen across her face making a loud smacking noise that even makes me flinch and a cry of pain comes from her lips. When her head turns back to face him I see the mark on her cheek, and could see blood at the corner of her lip. A gasp escapes my lips. "Still not going to talk?" She keeps her mouth closed and he draws his hand back again. "Stop!" I cry out before I can stop myself. He turns in my direction. "I was instructed to let you be, but I can still knock you back out" I start trying to get free of my restraints when the needle slams into my arms harshly. An almost silent cry of pain escapes my lips at the force he uses to inject the needle. My eye lids start getting heavy and I instantly know what he put in me. Morphling. I fight against the drug as best as possible. I yell "Stop" weakly once more, my eyes slowly sliding shut. I had no power against this drug. Just before I slip into unconsciousness I hear a slight crack like a bone breaking and a bone chilling cry of pain from Johanna, and I'm almost thankful for the morphling as I go under.


	2. Chapter 2

As I come back to consciousness I become aware of a slight jingling to my right, just as the restraint on my wrist releases. My eyes flutter open and I look to see the peacekeeper who had tortured Johanna releasing my restraints. "What's going on?" I ask confused as to why I was being release. I make the mistake to look at Johanna, she's now passed out again but she looked terrible. Sweat covered her face what I was guessing was from the pain. She had bruises and marks all up and down her arms, and blood smeared across her face, I could just see the light black around her eye. My eyes widen as I look at the peacekeeper afraid I was being taken somewhere to be tortured. He chuckles and I can tell he can see my fear, "Relax. You're just giving an interview with Cesar" Confusion crosses my face. Why did I have to be interviewed by Cesar, and that's when it hits me. Snow's snake like voice echos in my head "We can use her as a weapon against Peeta" a gasp escapes my lips as I realize this. "Why can't you leave Peeta out of this" I almost hiss at him, mad about this. "He's on the rebellion side" He releases the last restraint from my left wrist and grabs my arm roughly, yanking me out of my chair. He half drags half leads me down the hall until we reach another door. He stops to unlock it his grip on my arm tight, and I was sure it would leave a bruise. He opens the door shoving me inside, closing the door behind me. I stumble for a second trying to regain my balance after the shove. Once I look up I see Portia and Peeta's prep team all standing in front of me. They looked horrible, it was clear they were tortured. "Oh my God" I say almost inaudibly, as I look at the marks and bruises all along their arms and faces. Portia shakes her head and waves for me to come to her. "We have to prep you for the interview. The people back in thirteen will see it" as she says the people back in thirteen I know she means Peeta. That's who I am the weapon against. Portia makes me sit as the prep team quickly puts on some makeup and does my hair. I look at myself in the mirror and shock crosses my face. I hadn't eaten since I've been here and it shows. My cheekbones were prominent, and I had dark bags under my eyes. There were still bruises on my hands from where Snow has gripped them too tightly. I looked like a mess, but I looked far better then Johanna, or even Portia and Peeta's prep team did. As they finish and Portia gives me a dress to put on my breathing starts to increase. Portia walks up behind me once I'm dressed and whispers in my ear "Snow told me about the rebellion, you're suppose to go on the show and try to get them to stop. If it doesn't work, he'll use you to break Peeta" I watch my eyes widen and fear cross my face in the mirror in front of me as she tells me this. Just as she finishes the peacekeeper comes back grabbing my arm roughly in the same spot and pulls me through the halls until we reach Cesar. He gives me a brief apologetic smile, with as quickly as it disappears I take it that no one else was meant to see this. I just nod my head slightly so he knows I saw it. "Katniss why don't you take a seat" I glance up at the peacekeeper and he releases his grip on my arm. I walk to the seat and sit down feeling myself shake. There was only a small audience. The camera's start rolling within seconds. I didn't have time to get rid of the fear on my face before the cameras were turned on. Great. Now Peeta would know I was scared. Cesar asks me a few casual questions about the quarter quell, then he asks me about the last night in the arena. I take a deep breath afraid what I say would end in punishment for me. "I was just doing what Beetee told me to do. But I regret ever leaving Peeta's side that night." I stumble over the words trying to get them out, the concussion Johanna gave me making it hard to talk straight - especially under pressure. "I don't know what I was thinking when I aimed my arrow at the force field. It was stupid" I look down unsure if that was enough of an answer for him. "And what about the baby?" My head snaps back up at this question, I had forgotten about that. "I lost it, when I blew up the arena" I look back down hoping it'll come across as sadness. Cesar pats my hand "I'm so sorry" I give a sad shrug, I wasn't good at this. "What do you think about the rebellion? Do you think Peeta knew about it the whole time" The fact he even asked if Peeta knew about it made me mad, of course Peeta didn't know anything. "Neither of us knew anything about the rebellion" My voice gets louder as I talk "We were put into the arena without a clue, that all our fellow tributes knew so much about the rebellion. We were left out of it." I take a deep breathe calming myself down, I didn't want this to end in punishment. Cesar nods, and the interview ends. I get up ready to get away from here just as the Peacekeeper gabs my arm again. Snow follows us back to the room I was in before. He shoves me down into my chair and puts the restraints back on. "Take her out and feed her every now and then, we want Peeta to see she's okay. Then if nothing happens and the rebellion continues, we'll torture her until he breaks" I start panicking fear clearly painted on my face and I fight against the restraints with no use. 'Please just leave him out of it" I half cry out as Snow turns. "Oh, dear Katniss but don't you see? He has taken your place as the face of the rebellion, he is encouraging it and it needs to stop" I fight against the restraints harder as he turns around. "It's not his choice! Do you really think Peeta of all people would be encouraging war!?" I yell after him but the door slams shut. "Let me go!" I yell though no one can hear me except the three girls in here with your document here...


	3. Chapter 3

Days go by painfully slow, three times a day the peacekeeper comes and takes me forcing me to eat. I try to refuse the food, as a small act of defiance, with little success. After each time I eat, he doesn't leave once he's done putting back on my restraints. He interrogates Johanna and Enobaria. The mad girl from four - Annie gets left alone just as I do. I realize after some time, she was being used as a weapon against Finnick just as I was Peeta. Except in my case it was a bit more extreme.

Johanna and Enobaria look worse and worse after each torture session. The cry's of pain and screams that come from them were so unreal and bone chilling. I hated it and I wanted it to stop. After days of eating, and then listening to Johanna and Enobaria being tortured Snow walks in just as the peacekeeper is ready to take me to my dinner. Snow pulls him away from me and leans in close the scent of blood and roses hitting me. I turn away not wanting to smell it. He moves his hand to my chin griping it tightly forcing me to look at him. I glare in return the pressure on my chin hurting slightly.

"Alright Katniss, here's your one last chance to get the rebellion to stop peacefully." I feel my eyes widen in response my palms instantly going sweaty. My heart starts beating faster, it was either going to stop peacefully now, or it would end in torture for me. I swallow hard my hands shaking as the peacekeeper removes my restraints and leads me back to the room with Portia and Peeta's prep team.

They looked worse then the last time I had seen them. I looked at myself in the mirror and I looked healthy and normal. This is what Snow wanted Peeta to see. Portia and the prep team work on me as I sit shaking with fear. I had to say something that would convince Peeta to stop. Portia whispers in my ear

"You have to get them to stop, or it's your turn to be tortured" her voice comes out almost hauntingly and my breathing increase with fear. I didn't want to feel the pain Johanna and Enobaria had been through. I turn to her on the brink of tears and she just pulls me into a hug. She pulls away quickly when the peacekeeper comes back. I follow him to the stage where Cesar and a small audience were. Snow walks up to us as we approach the set.

"You will call for a cease fire when you go on" and he walks away. I couldn't get myself to stop shaking. I would do what Snow told me, and hope that it was enough to get Peeta to stop the rebellion. Cesar takes my hand and gives it a reassuring squeeze as he leads me to the chair. I sit down and quickly compose my expression wiping it clean of any fear. The cameras turn on and Cesar speaks

"So, Katniss. You have something you would like to tell the people back in thirteen?" I nod trying to keep my voice clear and calm.

"Yes" I speak the word quietly testing my voice, pleased that it was still and not shaky. "I'm calling for a cease fire" My eyes dart to the corner and I see Snow nod in approval.

"We can't let Panem fall apart like this, we have to stop before the whole country is destroyed." I have to stop myself from speaking before I say something that will get me in trouble. The cameras turn to Snow and he starts speaking, and I know I've done all that I can do. The peacekeeper grabs my arm taking me back to the torture room. He puts the restraints back on my shaking hands and feet. He exits and I look at Johanna.

"You're going to think I'm a terrible person, but I hope they don't listen to you" My eyes widen as her words register

"What, why?" my voice comes out shaky now.

"Because, this rebellion is going to save Panem" I take deep breathes trying to calm myself, if everyone back in thirteen thinks the same way she does I knew exactly what was coming. I close my eyes drifting into sleep, I needed to escape somehow, and sleep was my only escape. Even the nightmares were better to deal with then the reality I was facing now. The nightmares were almost comforting at this point. I wake up to the peacekeeper shaking me violently awake.

"Wh - what's going on" I go back into instant fear mode.

"They didn't listen, instead they took it to another level" My breathing increases and a wicked grin comes across his face.

"Your turn, sweetheart" he chuckles after saying this and I start trying to frantically get free of the restraints.

"No, Please don't" I half cry out. He just chuckles again and pulls a whip from behind his back and I'm instantly trying harder to get free. I can feel Johanna's eyes on me. He pulls back the whip and lands squarely on my cheek burning as it does, bringing out a cry of pain with it. I could feel the blood fall down my cheek from where it had hit me. He grips my arms tightly now, too tightly it makes an almost inaudible squeal come from my lips.

"Peeta needs to see how badly you're being treated for what he's doing" A tear falls down my cheek, Peeta couldn't see this.

"No, please" He chuckles and releases the restraints grabbing my arm and throwing me to the ground. I land hard on the ground. My nose gets the worst of it causing my eyes to water, I was sure it was sprained. I get to my hands and knees and try to crawl away. As I do his foot hits me squarely in the side causing me to lose my breath and fly back about five feet I land with a yelp my hands gripping my side as I curl into a ball on the floor.

He walks towards me slowly a grin on his face. He was enjoying this. I get to my hands and knees again and he walks over, slamming his foot down on my fingers and I cry out in pain at the impact.

"Stop!" I yell as loudly as I can between my heavy breathing and cry's of pain. Johanna and Enobaria are staring helplessly at me as he tortures me. His foot lands in the same spot on my side knocking me back into the wall, my head hits the wall in the same spot Johanna had gave me a concussion. My eyes slide close and a scream of pain echos across the room, I was pretty sure it was from me but I couldn't be sure. I slip into unconsciousness the pain intolerable, the last thing I hear is Snow's snake like voice

"That's good enough" and I black out completely.


	4. Chapter 4

I slowly come back to consciousness extremely aware of the pain all up and down my body. My eyes open the last thing I remember was the impact of my head against the wall. Johanna speaks and I'm guessing she had noticed I had woken up.

"You must've hit your head hard, you've been out for two and a half days" I look at her as I raise my head, my neck aching in protest as I do. "You have another interview today" This is all she says, I look at her in shock. She was ten times worse then the last time I had seen her.

I try to move my aching hands to find myself back in my chair, in restraints. My fingers were black and blue from where the peacekeeper had stomped on them and it hurt to move them. Almost on cue the peacekeeper walks in. Once he seems I'm awake he walks straight towards me. I slink back against my chair ignoring the pain as I do so waiting for the impact of his hand, or a whip.

Instead he quickly releases my restraints. I relax slightly although still taken over by fear. He grabs my arm right over a bruise and yanks me from my chair. I yelp involuntarily as he does. I was in no condition to be being yanked around like this. He walks down the hall until he finds Snow, forcing me to stop roughly. I cringe at the pain in my side from every movement, remembering vividly the impact of his foot against my side.

Snow nods and he drags me down the hall to what I now called my prep room. He shoves me in and slams the door behind him. I stumble falling to my hands and knees from the shove. I was weak, I hadn't had any food for as long as I was out. I was beaten up, and I hadn't had water either. Portia walks over to me, and helps me up. She hands me a glass of water and a few crackers. She looked a lot better. She leads me to my chair in front of the mirror. I gasp at the sight of myself. I looked like hell. I had major bags under my eyes. My cheeks bones once again prominent. The mark from the whip still not healed.

I raise my hand that wasn't stepped on to my cheek and run it over the mark. It stings at the touch. My eyes were filled with fear as I look at myself in the mirror. The prep team must've been instructed not to put on any makeup because all they do is work on my hair. Portia hands me a v-neck dress, which I'm sure she was instructed to do. Once I change into it, the marks and bruises all along my collarbone are visible.

I turn away from the mirror and slam my glass of water. I didn't want to look at myself, I looked awful. As I eat a cracker she comes and whispers in my ear once again. This time though her voice is much more urgent

"I overheard Snow talking about a bombing in thirteen, it'll be happening very soon. You need to warn them" My mind instantly goes to Peeta and Prim. I nod so she knows I understand. I had already been beaten and tortured, what else could they do to me? I was going to warn them. It was my dying wish to keep Peeta alive in the arena, and it is still my dying wish. If I don't say anything, he will be bombed, and if they kill me that's okay. He will be alive, and I will have gotten my dying wish.

The peacekeeper comes in, and I flinch waiting for him to grab my arm. Instead he just waves for me to follow him. I mouth a thank you to Portia before leaving the room. I follow him to the set. Once Cesar see's me shock crosses his face for just a second, but I saw it. I was shaking again, what I was about to do was going to end in serious punishment for myself, but I had to do it. Once the camera's start rolling I don't even attempt to hide my fear, with the way I looked I had every right to be scared. Cesar get's out about two words before I lose it and the words spill out of me quickly.

"Peeta, listen to me. They are going to bomb you all in thirteen, and extremely soon. You have to get to safety. Take Prim and my mother with you, please. Don't do anything brave just get to safety, don't die. For me pl-" My words are cut off when suddenly I see Peeta on the screen, standing in a bombing of another district. It was a rebellion video. My eyes widen and I instantly know who was interrupting the broadcast - Beetee. Within seconds I'm back on the screen, and I see the peacekeeper coming towards me with a whip now.

"All of you in thirteen listen to me, they are going to bomb you and probably tomorrow. Peeta please get to safety" As the peacekeeper gets closer, I kick the camera over Peeta and Prim could see the after results, but they couldn't see what caused it. I wouldn't do that to them. I hoped Beetee would take over the broadcast again before he hit me. The peacekeeper reaches me and the whip lands straight down my back causing a cry of pain to escape from me and I was sure Peeta and Prim would've heard it.

I stand up going to run, but he shoves me to the ground. I look at the screen to see all you could see was the white tiles. He hits me again with the whip across my face and my blood hits the floor followed by a painful yell from me. You could see my blood on the tiles from the angle the camera was at. I reach for the off button turning it off just before he grabs me harshly dragging me back to the torture room.

The last thing I see on the screen is Peeta before I'm dragged away. That image made me long for him. I squeeze my eyes shut as I'm dragged back to the torture room trying to reach him across the long distance between us, to tell him I love him. But it's no use.

The peacekeeper shoves me to the floor once we reach the torture room. Johanna, Enobaria, and Annie looking at me with fear. I try crawling away but the whip hits me in the back again and I cry out.

"Who told you?" he half screams half growls at me.

"No one. I overheard Snow." I choke out, I wasn't about to get Portia killed. He hits my side where he had kicked me with the whip causing an extreme amount of pain and a cry from me again.

"Who told you!?" I look at him ready to convince him I was telling the truth.

"I overheard." Just then Snow walks in.

"Now the boy won't stop the rebellion knowing she's on the rebellion side even here in the capitol." I watch the conversation in fear. "We need to break him. There's only one way to do that"

All four of us girls watch fear on our faces. Two words leave his lips, the words echoing across the room. These words causing my stomach to sink, wishing he'd want to kill me instead. Johanna mouths the words I'm so sorry to me. The two words make me wish I was dead. He speaks it loud and clear.

"Hijack her."


	5. Chapter 5

As the words finally sink in, I try lifting my bleeding and sore body up only managing to get to my hands and knees. I start trying to crawl to the door just when I'm almost out the peacekeeper grabs me around the waist yanking me to my feet. I yelp as he does so. Once I'm back on my feet he grabs my arm and pulls me to the other side of the torture room.

"No, please don't. I'm sorry I - I'll take it back or something. I'll tell them I was just trying to scare them" I try to break free from his grip on my arm ignoring the pain in every inch of my body as I do so. My voice shaking as if I was crying.

"You can blame this on your little baker, sweetheart." He opens a door I hadn't noticed was there and I start panicking.

"It's not his fault!" Is all I manage to get out.

"Oh, but it is." When he speaks I can hear the grin in his voice.

"No it's not" I half shout at him trying to break free. I claw it his hands, which doesn't seem to have any affect on him. Just as he's about to drag me into the room I look to Johanna. "Please if you get free of this place, and go to thirteen tell Peeta I love him, and tell Prim I'm sorry I left her." She nods once and I know she understands.

At that he shoves me into the room and I land with a dull thud and a lot of pain. I lift my head looking around the tiny room, the walls looked as if they were built to show a film. There was a chair in the middle of the room with restraints on it. The door slams and I'm left alone in this room. It was almost pitch dark. I sit up with pain racking my body as I do.

I look at the walls expecting something to start playing, and almost as instantly as I think this, the walls turn on. Like screens. I half expect Snow, but what I see is much worse. The footage from the games I was in start playing all around me. My nightmares are played in front of me, while I'm awake. This is ten times worse then seeing it in my sleep, because in sleep all I have to do is wake up to get away from it, but this was an endless nightmare.

I crawl to the corner curling up in a ball trying to shield myself from the images, the images of Glimmer's decapitated body, Rue's death, and the most painful one me and Peeta in the cave. The images made me long for those arms who kept me safe in the cave. Long for the strong arms that kept the nightmares away. Long for the boy with the bread.

I squeeze my eyes shut trying to block everything out but it never seems to end.

"Make it stop!" I finally cry out, though I was sure no one could hear me. "Make it stop, make it stop, make it stop!" I yell now, the yell sounds almost like a sob as well. I couldn't get free, there was no getting free of this. I squeeze my eyes shut trying to force myself to sleep. At some point I eventually fall asleep. I wake up to a doctor shaking me awake gently. I look up fear in my eyes.

This is when it starts. I will never be myself again. He pulls me up a lot less forceful then the peacekeeper and leads me back into the torture room. I meet Johanna's fearful eyes just for a moment, and then I'm lead out of the room. We walk down the hall to another room, he opens the door pushing me inside. I start shaking as I look around at all the equipment.

"What are you going to do to me?" I whisper my voice trembling terribly. He stays silent and pushes me into a chair, my back aches as he does the wounds from the whip still fresh. He puts restraints around my ankles, wrists, and stomach area. With the extra restraint I knew this was going to be painful. I couldn't even try to wriggle free, I couldn't move.

He grabs a needle, just before shutting off the lights. A screen turns on in front of me, and shows Peeta working with the Careers in the first game on repeat. I was trying to figure out why, just as the doctor speaks.

"This may hurt a little." I couldn't tell if he meant this genuinely or if it was meant to taunt me. Just then the needle is shoved into my arm and I instantly recognize the feeling, of what he put in my arm. Tracker Jacker venom.

"No, please." I cry out squeezing my eyes shut as the venom goes through my system. It was painful, and behind my eyelids I could see delusions. I didn't want them to turn my memories of Peeta into something awful, I wasn't going to let that happen. I whisper almost inaudibly

"Peeta I love you." Before the doctor smacks me in the arm forcing my eyes to open. A tear falls down my cheek, I was going to lose myself. The visions on the screen start changing, and instead of seeing Peeta with the careers to protect me, the venom has changed the images. Showing me Peeta with the careers to kill me. I try my best to fight against the venom, to hold on the boy with the bread, to hold on to Katniss Everdeen.

The Katniss I am - not the Katniss the capitol was in the process of making. I was becoming a mutt. Eventually the venom causes me to pass out. As I pass out the only thought I can form is I wish I was dead. Why can't I just be dead?


	6. Chapter 6

My eyes flutter open and I find myself laying in the middle of a cold floor, last I remembered was the tracker jacker venom going through me. My memories were fuzzy though, I remembered watching a clip from the games - Peeta was trying to kill me. I didn't think that was real, but I was almost positive that, that was what I had saw. I raise my head from the floor extremely stiff and sore from being tortured. That was one thing I was positive of, I had been tortured.

As I glance around the room I find myself back in the torture room which makes me wonder if I had even had tracker jacker venom put in me. I reach behind me placing my hand on my back to find there was marks and soreness from a whip. I put my hand to my head trying to figure out what had happened. I look at Annie - the only one still conscious. I sit up but not without pain running through my whole body.

"What happened?" My voice trembles slightly and her eyes meet mine. I could see the fear in her eyes, and I wondered if I wasn't going crazy and I had really gone through a process of being hijacked. Her voice comes out almost silent as she speaks

"They took you away. We could hear a lot of 'Make it stop' and screaming. You were being hijacked." So I wasn't going crazy, it had really happened. That means my memory of Peeta trying to kill me were fake. I knew Peeta wouldn't have done that. Not after he saved my life multiple times. I nod mouthing thank you to her. The door opens and I turn to see the peacekeeper.

"Ready to talk yet" I look at him in confusion and fear.

"What are you talking about? You want me to talk about my hijacking?" For a split second I see shock and confusion cross his features, but he almost instantly composes himself.

"I don't know what you're talking about. But, tell me. Who told you about the bombing in thirteen." It takes a second for me to remember what he was talking about. My warning to thirteen seemed like years ago. My thoughts were still clouded from the venom.

"I overheard." His whip comes down and I slide out of the way, but not quick enough. The whip comes down landing on my ankle with a sharp smack. I yelp slightly as my ankle starts bleeding.

"No you didn't." I glare up at him trying to maintain whatever dignity possible.

"You couldn't know that." my voice quiet's near the end, because he could know. I was either here, in my prep room, eating, or with him in the halls. I was honestly surprised he had put it together that Portia told me.

"Actually, sweetheart. I can. Either someone from the prep team, one of these three, or Portia told you. Now tell me who." So he has narrowed down the list of people. I couldn't pin it on anyone, it would result in death or torture for someone. Annie speaks up.

"It wasn't anyone here. I would've heard." I glance at her why did she have to say this, now it was either the prep team or Portia. He nods turning back to me.

"Who?" I just look at him my clouded mind telling me to try to get away. They were already hijacking me, and torturing me how much worse could it get? Death would be too easy, it would be kindness. They wouldn't get anywhere with Peeta either. He may break because of it, but because of my death he would put the rebellion on full scale.

They knew that as well as my clouded mind did. I was no use for them dead. As I form these thoughts, I shove my foot forward hitting him in the shin almost causing him to fall. I get up ignoring every ache of protest from my body as I do and I run for the door. Just as my hand lands on the knob his whip smacks down right over my spine and I yell out in pain. I fall to the ground the impact had knocked the air out of me. Blood was dripping down my back, I could feel it.

"So, getting brave now are we?" I get to my hands and knees trying to steady myself. Just as I finally steady myself his foot lands squarely in my side, the impact was strong enough to send my weak body backwards sliding into the door. The impact also was strong enough to cause me to cough up blood. I curl myself up into a ball as the blood leaves my mouth. He pulls me away from the door just in time for Snow to walk in.

"She's still not speaking." I stay curled in a ball shaking violently, blood covering my face and my side throbbing immensely.

"Take her back for stage two." As badly as I wanted to escape I couldn't find the strength to get up. Every part of me hurt, and my ankle and back were bleeding still. He grabs me roughly yanking me to my feet causing an almost silent cry of pain. He pulls me down the hall back to the room I was almost positive I had been in before. He shoves me down into the chair my back slamming against the back of the chair. I yell out in pain at the impact on my bleeding back.

He locks the restrains around me before he exits. I was too weak to try to escape almost too weak to even hold my head up. I squeeze my eyes shut trying to reach Peeta and Prim in thirteen, I would kill to see these two, to have the safety Peeta's arms aloud, to hug prim and see her smile, to tell Peeta it wasn't for the games - not this time.

I open my eyes and feel myself breaking. Within minutes I'm sobbing. I wanted out, I wanted the pain to stop, I didn't want to be hijacked, I needed to see Peeta and Prim. The doctor comes in to find me a sobbing, bloody mess. He turns off the lights again, and my sobs increase. They were taking everything from me - even myself. This was stage two, of taking the Katniss that I am. By the end, I would be the capitol's creation - a mutt. He whispers an "I'm so sorry" in my ear before putting the needle in my arm. So he felt bad about it.

I wondered why he didn't stop until I realized - if he didn't Snow would have him killed. Just like Snow kill Seneca for letting me and Peeta both win the games. He leaves the room, and the venom starts burning. The screen turns on and what plays in front of me is my incident with the nightlock.

As the venom makes it's way through my system the images on the screen start changing. Hallucinations. It looked as if Peeta was giving trying to kill me with nightlock, by pretending he would eat some as well. Somewhere deep inside me, I knew the real story, but the real story was being replaced. A tear falls down my cheek, and I'm ready to give up fighting. Before I pass out I remind myself - I have to keep fighting, for Peeta, and for Prim. Then I blackout with a hijacked memory in place of a real memory. I was well on my way to becoming a mutt


	7. Chapter 7

Slowly I come back to consciousness, my eyes opening slowly. I couldn't remember much at all about what happened. I try to move and find myself in restraints. I lift my head up glancing around me to find I'm in the torture room. I was pretty sure I was in a different room just before I blacked out, but there was no proof.

I look at Annie, Johanna, and Enobaria. Annie was the only one who looked like herself, Johanna look almost utterly unrecognizable. Head shaven, blood and cuts and bruises covering every inch of her body. My mouth opens and Peeta's name leaves my lips without my permission.

"He's not here brainless." Johanna says to me almost harshly. Brainless. That's almost exactly how I felt about it. My mind wasn't my own anymore. There was still parts of the old Katniss left in me, but I wasn't sure how much. The old Katniss just had to keep fighting against the capitol's Katniss. The peacekeeper walks in and utters the words

"Finally awake, now are we?" I instantly start shaking again this was going to be painful. I already hurt every place possible, and he was here to make the pain worse.

"Well, since you wouldn't talk and we had narrowed down who had told you about the bombing, we had Portia and Peeta's prep team executed." My mouth drops open as I gasp.

"No." I whisper almost inaudibly, and he chuckles. I felt the tears coming - I was falling apart. How could they do that to Portia, and Peeta's prep team? If I had spoken up I could've saved the prep team, but then Portia's death would be my fault. But, wasn't all of their death's my fault now? Because I didn't talk? I feel myself ready to give up, and stop fighting again, but remind myself I had to keep fighting - for Peeta and Prim.

These two were the only one's who kept me fighting to stay myself, and not just roll over and let the capitol do with me what they wanted. The peacekeeper takes off my restraints and pulls my to the floor. I land on my hands and knees. I knew he was just waiting for orders to come from Snow, before taking me to be hijacked again. At least I was almost positive that I was being hijacked, I had no proof in my clouded memory.

Parts of me were telling me Peeta wanted me dead, and other parts of me were telling me I love him, and I needed to fight against myself for him. I had an internal fight inside myself, against myself. I was almost positive the part of me that loves him was the real me - the old Katniss. Opposed to the other part of me telling me he wanted me dead, and I should want him dead for that. That was all the capitol's Katniss.

Just then Snow opens the door and walks in. He walks to Annie first. I raise my head looking at the open door, and slowly start crawling towards it. I could hear Snow talking to the peacekeeper about Annie, something about using her against Finnick. I wasn't really paying attention though. My goal was to get out of here. Once I reach the open door I get to my feet. The peacekeepers eyes land on me just as I do.

"Stop!" He yells at me, but I take off running down the hall stumbling slightly as I do. I could hear his footsteps behind me, he wasn't beat up and weak like I was, he could run a lot better then I could. I lose my breathe quickly, I wasn't in any condition to be running but I had to get out of here. Another peacekeeper spots me as I turn a corner

"Shit." I mutter under my breath when he looks at me. I turn in the other direction running down the opposite hall. Now I had two peacekeepers running after me, I wasn't going to lie I was surprised they hadn't caught me yet. I reach a glass door, and see the outside. I try to open it to find that it's locked. The peacekeepers were getting closer and I was panicking.

I grab a fire hydrant from the wall and through it at the glass causing it to smash to the ground, setting off sirens as it does. I run through to broken glass getting a few cuts. I trip over a rock falling to the ground. I try to get back up, but I don't do it in time. The peacekeepers grab me and drag me back to the torture room.

"Let me go! Please!" I start yelling, my voice almost sounding like a sob. They throw me on the ground of the torture room. Snow walks over to me.

"You're not going to see Peeta again, dear Katniss." I glare at him his words hurting me. If that meant he was going to kill me, I would accept it. Death would be peaceful over this. The peacekeepers chuckle behind me. Snow looks up to the peacekeepers

"Take her to complete the hijacking, no more stages." I lose my glare, instantly taken over by fear.

"I hear they're planning back in thirteen to break her out, once she's hijacked, we'll just make it easy for them to break her out." Snow's voice comes out snake like. So, Peeta did want to save me, I knew the part of me that loves him was the real me. He didn't want me dead, I knew that. The peacekeeper grabs my arm pulling from the ground and dragging me down the hall.

I try to fight against him, to find that it's no use. He puts me in the chair putting on my restraints. This was it. I had done all that I could do, to fight against it. I was powerless. After today I would no longer be me. I wouldn't be Katniss. I just hope Peeta knew that. The lights turn off and the doctor puts the venom into my system. This repeats over and over, until I wake up in the torture room again. The first words to leave my lips are

"He wants me dead. He's a mutt. He's the reason I'm here."

Johanna looks at me and whispers the word, "Who?"

I raise my head uttering one name, "Peeta."


	8. Chapter 8

I look at Johanna, the words didn't seem right when I said them, but for some reason that's all I could think. Peeta's the reason I'm here, Peeta tried to get me killed during the games. I shake my head the thoughts didn't seem all that right, but that's what my memories were telling me. Johanna shakes her head.

"No, Katniss. You were hijacked, that's what Snow wants you to think." I look at the restraints on my wrists. Hijacked? No. I've been here the whole time. Haven't I?

"No, I've been here the whole time." I looked at Johanna's beaten body, how did she have any fight left in her in that condition. Johanna opens her mouth to speak, but Annie speaks instead.

"Katniss, she's right. She's telling you the truth. Peeta loves you. He would never want you dead, he wanted to die in those games so you could live." I look between the two my head starting to hurt. I close my eyes bringing up memories from the games, but all I see if Peeta working with the careers to kill me, and leaving me that night during the quarter quell so he could be taken to thirteen.

The memories were almost shiny though. I tried to figure out what that meant when the door opens. The peacekeeper walks in, I slink back against my chair as reflex. One thing that was clear in my mind, was the pain, this peacekeeper had inflicted on me. He walks straight to Johanna. I close my eyes, I didn't want to watch her being tortured. I keep my eyes squeezed shut trying to figure out why my memories were shiny.

I couldn't tell how long the screams, and cry's of pain went on but it seemed like it was endless. I only open my eyes once the door closes. Annie try's talking to me again.

"Katniss, don't let them take you from Peeta - from Prim." I look up at the mention of my sister. They hadn't taken me from anyone. I was still me. I was still Katniss Everdeen. Wasn't I? If what Annie and Johanna were saying was true, then I wasn't Katniss. No I was a mutt. I sit there trying to figure out things in my confused mind. What was real, and what wasn't. I was pretty positive Peeta hated me, but Johanna and Annie were saying otherwise.

My breathing increases the more I think about it, the more I try to figure things out. I feel myself slipping away and the words, "He's a mutt. He wants me dead." Leaves my lips in a half yell. I couldn't stop myself from saying it. Part of me believed the words were true, but another part was telling me it was a lie. As the internal argument continues inside myself I start shaking, and eventually break down into sobs.

Between sobs I manage to make out, "Why am I not dead?"

Annie just whispers, "Katniss, it's the venom that's talking. Peeta doesn't want you dead, he loves you. He has since you two were little. He said so himself." I shake my head, I remembered him saying that, but I also remembered it was just a way to get sponsors. Or was it? Then Annie whispers one more thing.

"And you love him." I meet her eyes for a second, before I feel myself losing it. The peacekeeper walks in just as I'm about to break he jams a needle into my arm causing me to yelp in pain. Almost instantly the morphling spreads through me, and I black out. At some point I hear the door being broken open, I wasn't sure if it was a dream or not, I was still half taken over by the morphling.

I could feel my restraints being broken away and suddenly I'm in someone's arms. I try to open my eyes, and I'm almost positive I see Peeta's face when they open, but before I can process any of it the morphling takes me under again.

The next time I wake up, I become aware of a beeping to my right. I run my hand over my face, and find that I'm hooked up to to many cords. I open my eyes finding an IV in my wrist. How bad of shape was I in? I look around me, I was in a hospital room. It definitely wasn't a Capitol hospital room though. I try to remember, how I got here. I remember my restraints being pulled off. I also remembered being picked up into strong arms - familiar arms. Then I remembered Peeta's face.

Which didn't make any sense at all in my mind. My memories were telling me Peeta wanted me in the Capitol, he wanted me dead. But, if that was true why would he have broken me out? I break down sobbing again. The doctor walks in and Haymitch follows.

"How do you feel sweetheart?" Haymitch half slurs at me. I remove my hands from my tear stained face. I was shaking, but there wasn't a good reason for it.

I manage to choke out, "Confused." He gives me a confused look for a second, and then looks at the doctor. The doctor turns to Haymitch and whispers

"There's a great amount of tracker jacker venom in her. We believe Snow had her hijacked, we don't know how far he got with it before she was broken out though." Haymitch looks at me his facial expression almost looked hurt. The words come out of me, without my knowing I even wanted to speak

"Finish the hijacking, no more stages. Break Peeta" I slap my hand over my mouth. I hadn't known I was going to say that, let alone know where I got that from. I squeeze my eyes shut shaking more violently now. I remember lying on the floor curled into a ball after coughing up blood. My back dripping with blood from a whip, and snow's voice loud and clear "Take her to finish the hijacking, no more stages."

I open my eyes, gasping. I didn't know I was holding my breath until the memory disappeared. This memory had nothing shiny about it. What did the shininess mean?

"It wasn't shiny." I choke out. The doctor looks at me confused.

"Katniss, are you okay?" I shake my head. There wasn't one thing about me that was okay. Not even my memory seemed reliable anymore.

"Peeta wants to see you, do you think you're okay enough to see him?" The mention of his name sends many conflicting feelings through me. Love. Anger. Happiness. Hatred. Question was which of these feelings were real. I just stare at her with wide eyes like a mad woman. She gestures for him to walk in. When I first see his face I feel completely happy, then I feel myself lose it. My mind gets clouded. And suddenly I'm angry. Instead of hugging him like I had intended to do, I find my fingers curled around his throat.

"You wanted me dead." Are the only words that leave me lips. I snap back to myself releasing his throat my breathing increasing "I'm so sorry." Then the morphling needle enters my arm causing me to blackout. I hated myself for doing that, but part of me was saying it was good I did it. Why wasn't I dead? It would be better for everyone if I was.


	9. Chapter 9

I open my eyes sighing as I do. I could feel restraints around my wrists. I stare at the ceiling listening to the beeping to my right. I was still alive. But, why? If what everyone has been saying is true I was hijacked. My memories weren't real. They were altered. There was something shiny about them. But, only the ones in which my brain was telling me Peeta was a mutt, and he wanted me dead.

I tried to choke Peeta. Why did I do that? It's because I'm the real mutt. My mind told me different, but listening to the doctors and Haymitch, it sure sounded like I was the mutt. I look up when the door opens to see Haymitch and a doctor walk in.

"How do you feel, sweetheart?" I shake my head. I was confused. I knew that for sure. But, I was far from okay. Nothing about me was okay.

"Katniss, can you talk?" I look to the doctor when she speaks.

"Yes." I whisper. My voice sounded strained. I look at the glass to see Peeta standing behind it watching. The bruises on his neck made me flinch. I look down at my hands. I did that?

"Am I a mutt?" I whisper as a tear rolls down my cheek. I didn't want to be a mutt. I didn't think I was a mutt. I could feel the venom clouding my mind again. I curl my hands into fists trying my best to fight it. It was a losing battle though. I didn't have any control over my mind anymore. None, at all. I squeeze my eyes shut tightly trying not to lose it. I was thankful for the restraints now.

"Katniss are you okay?" I shake my head. People needed to stop asking me that. I didn't look okay. I didn't feel okay. I wasn't okay. Or even close to being okay. I wanted myself back. I wanted to be Katniss again. The Katniss I was during the quarter quell. Not the Katniss I have become. I hated her. Haymitch speaks quietly.

"Katniss, we're going to help you. You won't be like this forever." I open my eyes relaxing a bit at those words. I wasn't helpless. There was still hope for me. Maybe if I became myself again, I could stop wanting to be dead. It would be better for everyone if I was dead though. If I had just been killed in the capitol, I would've never hurt Peeta.

I wouldn't need to be tied down to this hospital bed. I wouldn't need to be worked on. They explain to me that they're going to try something, before putting on clips from the games. I watch them confused. I was pretty sure that, that wasn't the way it happened. I was pretty sure Peeta worked with the careers to make sure I was dead. Not so he could save me.

My mind starts arguing with the images in front of me. They weren't real. But Haymitch said they were going to help me, so were they?

"Is that what really happened?" I whisper unsure. The doctor nods and I shake my head. "No. He wanted me dead." Haymitch sighs next to me.

"Peeta never wanted you dead, he loves you." I shake my head again. Recalling what I remember in my memory.

"No." I could hear another sigh. What if Peeta did love me? I remember the way he looked when he saw me yesterday just before I choked him. That didn't make sense though. Even if this was all true. He couldn't love me. No. Because if it was true, I was a mutt. And mutt's didn't deserve to be loved. I hit my head back against the bed, causing the injuries I had already had to become painful again. Within seconds the concussion, makes itself known and I black out.

* * *

**A/N: Sorry it's a short chapter. It's mostly a filler chapter...anyways please continue to review and let me know what you think. :) **


	10. Chapter 10

I could feel myself slowly waking up, I could tell the doctors noticed too because they immediately injected morphling into me causing me to black back out. This continues for what feels like forever. I finally manage to get my eyes open without morphling being injected into my body. I look up to see my doctor in the room. I was almost surprised that Haymitch or my mother wasn't in here.

"What's going on?" I whisper slightly. My voice almost inaudible. The doctor turns to me

"Finnick and Annie are getting married. So everyone's at the wedding." I smile slightly for the first time since I didn't know how long. "Peeta baked their cake." I was confused as to why she was telling me this. Her words triggered a memory though. Suddenly I'm remembering when I was twelve. Starving. And looking for something to eat. I was sitting behind the bakery after the baker's wife had tried chasing me away. Peeta came out with burnt bread and tossed it to me.

I remembered the black eye he had when he came out, and I remember being sure he had burnt the bread on purpose to give it to me.

"I remember the bread." I whisper. She gives me a confused look. Then suddenly I'm remembering the day after. Outside of school, I was looking at his black eye and when his eyes met mine I looked down. That's when I say the first dandelion of the spring. The dandelion that gave me hope. There was nothing shiny about this memory at all. Snow hadn't known about this memory. He couldn't have tampered with it.

"He saved me," is all I say.

"Katniss, tell me what you just remembered." I look up at her; I had almost forgot that she was there.

"I was starving. Peeta burnt bread purposely and threw it to me. He gave me hope. He saved me and my family from starving." I stare at the glass almost like I was watching the memory from the other side of it. My voice sounded drained as I spoke. I look over at her to see shock on her face. Suddenly I wonder if Snow had messed with this memory. But it wasn't shiny. "Real or not real?" I ask her my eyes on her face.

"Real." She says before continuing "Snow didn't know of that memory, so he couldn't change it. That's it." Suddenly she looked hopeful. I hoped that meant that maybe there was hope for me after all.

"Can I see him?" I whisper. First she looks at me confused then worry crosses her face.

"Who?" I knew she knew who I meant.

"Peeta. Can I see him?" I ask a little louder.

"I'll go get Haymitch," I shake my head.

"I didn't ask to see Haymitch." I look at her frustrated.

"I'm going to have him get Peeta." She arches an eyebrow at me before leaving the room. I stare at the clock watching the seconds tick by slower then I would've thought possible. It takes about fifteen minutes of staring at the clock before the door opens. I sit up my eyes meeting Peeta's.

"You wanted to see me?" He says cautiously. I nod. I wanted to tell him I remembered about the bread, but I didn't know how to start. I could feel the awkwardness between us at the moment.

"You never wanted me dead. Did you?" I whisper but I could tell he heard by his sigh.

"Katniss, I could never want that." I keep my eyes on him cautiously. I was afraid anything he might say may cause the venom to cloud over my brain and cause me to lose it again.

"Then why is that what memories tell me?" He looks down with a frown. It almost looked like he was going to cry. Which I was close to doing as well.

"Those memories aren't real Katniss." Jis voice comes out quietly. "God, I hate Snow for doing this to you." He says louder. He was mad. I could tell. I slink back against my bed, a habit I had gotten into anytime someone was mad. I knew he wasn't going to hit me, but it was a reflex. "He took you from me." He whispers, and when he looks up his eyes are almost watery. I could feel the tears gathering in my eyes as well.

What did that mean? He took me from him. So, Peeta knew about the hijacking as well. The pain in his eyes when he looks at me tells me he does love me. It didn't make sense with my memories though. We stare at each other silently for a minute before he turns to leave.

"Wait." He stop his hand on the handle, and turns his head slightly in my direction. "I remember about the bread Peeta." I whisper looking down at my hands. I fiddle with my hands waiting for a reply.

"What about it?" He replies after a minute.

"You burnt it on purpose, and got hit just to give it to me. You gave me hope. You were my dandelion in the spring. At least that's what I think I use to call you." My voice trails off at the end. He turns to me, and he looks hurt.

"Yeah, you use to," I could hear the hurt in his voice.

"You must've loved me a lot," is all I say.

"I still do Katniss. Don't you see that?" He says looking at me seriously.

"Did I love you?" He looks down as I speak these words.

"I don't know." I frown at his words. "Johanna said you did" I look at him confused before another memory hits me. I remember being dragged bleeding and beaten out of the torture room in the capitol. I remember telling Johanna to tell Peeta that I love him, and to tell Prim I'm so sorry for leaving her.

"I did." I whisper. He raises his head meeting my eyes with his.

"What?" He whispers just as quietly.

"I did love you." I whisper almost inaudibly. "I remember telling Johanna to tell you that" I say a little louder. His expression was hard to read it looked torn. I was guessing that maybe he was torn between being happy that I had loved him, and being broken about the past tense of the words.

"Did," is all he says.

"I'm sorry, Peeta." With that he turns and leaves the room. Once the door clicks shut I break down into tears. I put my hands over my face as I cry. What has happened to me? I've hurt him physically and now this. I couldn't even tell real from fake anymore. I roll over onto my side curling into a tight ball as the tears fall down my face. The position causing flashbacks of being whipped and kicked. Causing the tears flow more freely.

I was a mess. I hated it. I hated what had happened. I hated being hijacked. I hated myself, because I wasn't the real Katniss. It was too much to take anymore. I slowly cry myself to sleep wishing this was all a dream. But of course it wasn't. Even dreams aren't this bad - this painful


	11. Chapter 11

I wake up to Haymitch, my doctor, and my mom talking. I rub my hand over my tear streaked face. Blocking out their conversation, no doubt it would be about me remembering the bread. I stretch slightly my body stiff from lying in a curled ball all night. I look to see Prim sitting silently on the edge of my bed. My eyes go to Haymitch, my mom, and my doctor. The words leave me mouth before I knew they were going to.

"Where's Peeta?" All four turn to me surprised. I was surprised myself. Why was I asking for Peeta? Suddenly I feel a little bit of hope inside me. That had to be the old Katniss talking. I hadn't realized I was going to say it, so it must be. I myself couldn't figure out why I would want to see him. I had talked to him last night about all I had to say. I needed nothing more to do with him, but the conversation must have brought out the old Katniss. I smiles slightly at this realization. Their expressions just become more confused as I smile.

"He went to District two." I sit up when Haymitch says this. My expression becoming confused now. Why would he go to District two?

"Why?" I ask quietly. It wasn't just the old Katniss that was curious; the new Katniss didn't understand the point either.

"He wanted to get them on the rebellion side and -" Haymitch stops talking and looks down. I get frustrated when he does.

"And what?" I half snap at him.

"And it was too hard for him to be here. Your hijacking is hurting him. He lost you." I bite my lip looking down. Tears gathering in my eyes, everyone's been saying they lost me lately. I was the only one who knew of the ongoing battle between the new Katniss and the old Katniss inside me. It was hard to tell which was new and which was old though at times. I tried to hold on to the old Katniss as best as possible, but the venom was too strong. I sigh I could never be the same. I would always have some part of the new Katniss in me.

"Why does he keep saying that? That he lost me?" I ask quietly. My eyes on my hands, as I fiddle with them awkwardly.

"Because, you two use to love each other. Now, he loves you but the feelings not mutual. Although, he thinks it was never mutual because you were too stupid to realize your feelings. Everyone could seem them though, except the two of you." I raise my eyes feeling the internal fight starting up again. I start shaking as it does. The feelings not mutual? Part of me wanted to yell 'Of course it's not! He tried to kill me.' And another part of me wanted to scream 'It is mutual! It always will be.' the tears that had been gathering in my eyes start spilling over. I put my shaking hands over my face.

"Katniss, what's wrong?" I hear Prim speak for the first time. I shake my head as I continue to shake.

"Katniss, talk to us." My doctor tried now. My breathing was continuing. What did I feel? What was real and what was not?

"I don't know." I half yell out.

"You have to tell us, sweetheart." I remove my hands from my face, revealing my red eyes, and tears.

"I don't know what I feel. Half of me is saying I hate him, and the other half is saying I'll always love him. I don't know what is real and what is the Capitol's cration. I just can't tell." I take deep breathes trying to stop the shaking, and the tears. Only making it worse as the internal argument continues. "Make it stop! Make it stop!" I half scream. I put my hands over my face again trying to get it to stop.

I feel a needle enter my arm and the morphling takes over almost instantly. I fall back onto my pillow as I'm dragged into unconsciousness. The next time I open my eyes Annie, Finnick, and Johanna are in the room as well. I sit up looking between the three confused. I look over to Haymitch for an explanation/

"We thought since Finnick and Johanna were in the arena with you, they could tell you what actually happened. And Annie, was the only one untouched in the Capitol so she can explain that." I nod pulling my knees to myself curling my arms tightly around them.

"First, I wanted to say. You honestly, were unconditionally in love with Peeta, Katniss." I look to Johanna when she speaks my mind confused. "Before you were taken to be hijacked, you told me to tell Peeta that you love him." I close my eyes remembering this. I just nod so she knows I understand. Finnick speaks up next.

"I know Snow messed with your memories." I nod, everyone seemed to know. "I doubted your love for Peeta at first. I really did. Once we were in the arena though, anyone who had eyes could tell you were in love with him." I shrug. Okay. I had mostly figured out that I had loved Peeta before everything. It was Peeta I wasn't sure about. He told me he loved me, but everything in my head was screaming he wanted me dead.

"It's not my past feelings I'm confused about. Everything in my mind is telling me he wanted me dead, and he was acting in love to put on a show." I arch an eyebrow at the three sitting in front of me. I look to Annie surprised when she speaks.

"Katniss, anyone in this room - anyone in Panem could tell you Peeta never wanted you dead. No one ever doubted Peeta's love for you once. It was all you who was doubted." She meet's my eyes with her own. The look in her eyes tells me that she was speaking the truth. It just didn't make sense. Any of it. Something inside me though wanted to believe her. I was the doubtful one. Peeta was the one no one had doubts about.

"It's true." Haymitch says from the corner of the room. All four of them now were telling me Peeta never wanted me dead, and that he loves me.

"Why did he leave me in the arena to be taken to the capitol then?" I ask quietly.

"Peeta didn't know about the rebellion. You two were separated because of us. Neither of you wanted to be separated." Johanna looks me straight in the eye as she speaks. Then Finnick adds to it.

"You refused to leave his side, but we finally convinced you. The plan went wrong though, neither you or Johanna were meant to be taken to the capitol" I close my eyes as I process this information. It was a mistake we were taken to the capitol then. Peeta didn't want that. Peeta didn't even want to leave my side. Peeta didn't know about the rebellion. Finnick and Johanna knew about it though. So did Haymitch and Beetee.

So, Peeta's not the bad guy. At least if what they were saying was true. I was the bad guy. I blamed it on him. No. The bad guy here was Snow. He made me dangerous. He caused me to not be able to know the truth from the lies. My mind was like one big tangled web. I had to untangle it to separate the truth from the lies. Only problem was, I wasn't capable of untangling it, but maybe these people in front of me were capable.

I didn't even know hardly anything about myself. I knew the people in my life. But everything about seemed different. I didn't know my favorite color, what I liked to do, what my preferences to things were. I didn't know any of it. I couldn't even figure out my own feelings, how I was I suppose to figure out the truth? I just had to trust what these people were telling me. I had to fight the venom. I had to fight for the old Katniss. I had to get back on my feet. Snow wasn't going to win. I wasn't going to stop fighting. I would be me again. Even if it killed me. And it just might


	12. Chapter 12

After weeks of questions, and watching videos, and listen to people tell me the truth I still don't know all of the truth. I don't know who I am. From everything I've been told I've been able to figure a couple things out: Peeta loves me, I loved him, I was the one who pulled the nightlock stunt - not Peeta. It was my dying wish during the quarter quell that Peeta came out alive.

With this information I was able to figure out that I was the one who wanted myself to die in the quarter quell. My memories put the blame on Peeta though. The more of the truth I figure out the more tangled my mind becomes. Usually after every time I figure something new out I break down. My internal battle was on going. I refused to stop fighting though. I wasn't going to let Snow win.

I couldn't figure out my feelings towards anyone really, but I knew for sure I hated Snow. I sometimes even tried to figure out why I volunteered for my sister in the first place. I knew somewhere inside me the old Katniss would never wonder that, but the new Katniss couldn't see why. Slowly I started to gain trust from people again. I was allowed to leave the room to eat, but I had to have guards with me in case I lost it and freaked out.

I lost it about once a day, but it was always in private. It was usually when someone asked me about my feelings, or something about myself. My mind was able to accept the facts - the things I could see. But something that I had a choice on, something I felt causes the two Katniss's to fight. I wished they wouldn't ask me stuff like that, but they had too. It was the only way to see if I was getting better. I had a little improvement on some things, but feelings and preferences caused me to break down. Even the simplest question like "What's your favorite color?" caused me to lose it.

New Katniss had an opinion, and so did the Old Katniss. I get out of my bed wanting to get out of the hospital room. I had been in it all day, and I was hungry. Haymitch walks in just as I get up.

"Ready to go eat?" I nod and he waves for me to follow. "Wait. Go back." He says as he looks at something in front of him. I try to peer over his should but he blocks me purposely.

"Why?" I ask still trying to see.

"Go back and I'll tell you." I sigh frustrated as I turn and walk back into my hospital room.

"What's going on?" I demand as he walks back into the room.

"Sit." I give him a glare before I sit down.

"Alright. So, tell me" I arch an eyebrow as I wait for his explanation.

"Some of the rebels bombed a mountain in District two, where Peeta was." I look at him confused with the past tense. "Well, it caused a riot, and a fight broke out between the rebels and the people of two." I keep my eyes on him as I wait for him to continue. "Peeta was trying to stop it and - " I gasp slightly and interrupt him

"He didn't die did he?" My words started a small internal fight but the Old Katniss was winning this one. Usually neither Katniss got the upper hand on the other, but with the thought that Peeta might be dead Old Katniss was clawing to the surface. I could feel the tears gathering in my eyes, but not from a breakdown. From the thought. Haymitch shakes his head before continuing

"No, he was shot at it, it only got his side. He's fine I just didn't want you to see them bringing him in. You might have -" He trails off and I know what he was going to say. I might have broke down. The tears escape my eyes. He was injured but he was okay. I sigh in relief. Shaking only slightly from the internal fight. Old Katniss was actually here. I felt half way normal - this is a normal reaction. My reaction draws up a memory.

I remember in the arena, Peeta hitting the force field. He wouldn't open his eyes and I broke down into tears. Finnick saved him, and I clung to him once he came back. I was sobbing. There was nothing shiny about this memory. I guess Snow figured the memory wouldn't be important. But it was. It proved that my crying right now at Peeta's injury was all the Old Katniss - the real Katniss.

"Katniss, are you okay?" I nod. For once it was the truth. This moment gave me hope.

"I feel half way like myself. The new Katniss still it fighting with the old Katniss, but Peeta's injury brought of the real me" I whisper as I speak. I wipe away my tears only to have them replaced by new ones. Haymitch runs out of the room and I watch him confused. He comes back with the doctor within a few minutes. He's talking quickly about what had happened.

"Katniss, do you think you can hold on to this feeling right now?" I think about her question for a moment. I could feel the feeling slipping away already. I sigh shaking my head. Of course not. The venom was too strong. I drop my head into my hands, the little bit of hope I had, had gone.

"Can I see him?" I mumble against my hands. I could sense the hesitation from both of them.

"I'll go with you." I look up at Haymitch. I don't think this was completely about keeping my sane. I think he was worried about Peeta. I may not have been able to figure out my own feelings towards everyone but I could tell that Peeta and myself had become his family. He loved us. I smile slightly at this.

I get up again and follow him out of the room. We walk down the hall silently, our footsteps hardly making any noise. He walks into Peeta's room first then waves me in. I look at him to see he's asleep, then I notice the morphling. I frown slightly, I hadn't expected them to put him on morphling. But I guess if he was in pain then that was best. I turn to leave the room my hand stops on the handle. The sight of Peeta on the hospital bed, hooked up to needles like that had brought old Katniss out completely. I walk over to his bed and place a kiss on his cheek. I could feel old Katniss slipping away once my lips touch his cheek, and with that I run out of the room back to my own.


	13. Chapter 13

I curl up on my bed once I reach my room again. Curling myself into a tight ball. Something inside me stirred when my lips touched his cheek, but something about it brought out the new Katniss. It didn't make sense. I pull a pillow over my face trying to block it out. I was me - for a few minutes, but I was me. I squeeze my eyes shut wanting to escape it all. The door opens and I hear someone walk in silently. I feel the bottom of my bed shift as someone sits down.

"Are you okay, sweetheart?" Haymitch speaks quietly. I shrug staying silent, leaving the pillow over my face.

"He woke up just as you ran out." I resist the urge to uncover my face. Somehow I know he'll continue. Haymitch was one of the few people who knew me. I didn't have to tell him I wanted him to continue, he would just know. "He saw you run out and asked what you were doing." I could've guessed that. I ran out of his room so quickly, I'm sure he would've been confused. I was confused myself.

I was confused as to why I had kissed his cheek, why I had cared that he was in there at all. He was my Enemy. No. He was my Friend. No, not that either. Lover. That sounded more like what everyone was saying we are. I had a list of words to describe Peeta, I just didn't know which were real and which weren't. Enemy. Friend. Mutt. Lover. Dangerous. Fiance. Which was startling when I was told we were engaged.

Snow must've gotten rid of the memory all together. Annie said it happened during one of out interviews with Cesar, and I was suppose to have some big Capitol wedding. The Capitol people even voted on which wedding dress I should wear. Which I found completely ridiculous. If I was going to get married I wouldn't have let the Capitol have anything to do with it, or make any choices about it. But then again, it was all a big show right?

"I told him how you cried when you found out he got hurt." Great. Now he was going to think I was insane. One minute choking him and the next crying because he's hurt. "Then I told him you kissed his cheek, and ran out without a word." I remove the pillow from my face looking at him suspiciously. Why would Peeta care if I kissed his cheek or not? "He asked if I could get you to come back." I arch an eyebrow.

Why on earth would Peeta want to see me? I tried choking him, and all of broke his heart when I used the past tense of love with him. I had hurt him a lot more then I had made him feel good. I just shake my head and get up.

"Are you going to see him?" Haymitch looks at me questioningly as he speaks.

"I can't. I can't keep hurting him." I walk out the door and down the halls of thirteen to the dining hall. I didn't need guards. I know I was mentally unstable, but at the moment I was just mentally drained. I couldn't do much harm to anyone mentally drained. I get in line getting a tray of food before walking to where Finnick, Annie, Prim, Johanna, and everyone else sat.

I sit down next to Annie silently. She looks at me with a questioning look. She was the only one who understood what it felt like to be mentally unstable. Mine was a bit worse then hers, but she still understood. I shake my head as I pick at my food. I wasn't going to explain. My mind goes back to the list of words I had to explain Peeta. I was still hung up on the Fiance one. I didn't remember any of it. Not the photo shoot of my wedding dresses. Nothing. Who cares anyways? It's all a show.

I raise my head. All a show. My hijacking, it was all to break Peeta. Just like those mockingjays in the quarter quell were used to break any tributes unfortunate enough to get caught up in that hour. Break them for a show. A broken tribute was pretty interesting right? The face of the rebellion being broken would be even more interesting. As I think about it more and more I form only one thought. We were still in the games.

I leave my food where it is and get up. I exit the dining hall, to go find Coin. I understood what Peeta meant, now. Not wanting to be a piece in their games. Snow had done exactly that to me. Made me a piece in this much larger version of the games. Wouldn't it just be great if he saw me on the squad with the rebels? I ignored people as the look at me, I was not a piece in his games. Peeta's words made a whole lot of sense to me now. I walk into the control room to find Coin, Boggs, Haymitch, and a few others.

"Can I talk to you?" I ignore the confused looks looking straight at Coin. She nods for me to continue. "I want to train, and work to be on the squad with everyone else." I say seriously. I ignore a few chuckles.

"Sweetheart, you're not stable enough." I glare at Haymitch and look back at Coin.

"I don't see the harm. Just for a few rebellion video's though. It would be great to have Snow think she's okay enough to be training." I sigh in frustration, that's not what I meant. I would take it though, either way the point would get across to Snow that I was okay. Even if I wasn't he would think I was. That's all I wanted. I walk out of the room and go back to my room. I close my eyes trying to drift to sleep. My mind still stuck on figuring out Peeta.

Enemy. Lover. These two works play through my head, half my mind bringing up reasons he'd be an enemy and now a lover. The other half bringing up reasons he'd be a lover, and not an enemy. I loved him at one point didn't I? Why was this suddenly different? Why couldn't I love him again? I fall asleep arguing about this in my mind.


	14. Chapter 14

Weeks go by of training, taping rebellion videos, trying to fight past this hijacking, and trying to figure out Peeta. I was so drained at the end of each day. Still not fully recovered from my beating I had received in the hands of the capitol. It didn't help that my mind wasn't reliable. I didn't feel much about anything. I tried not too. If I had feelings toward something everything got bad again.

Every night though I sit in my hospital room when everyone is asleep - and thinks I'm asleep. I try to feel. It usually never ends up good. I was able to figure out I felt thankful towards Haymitch, Annie, Finnick, and Johanna though. These four were attempting to pull the old Katniss out. They weren't getting far but I was thankful. They were trying almost as hard as I was to bring the old me back.

I knew I loved my sister. Those were the only things I could figure out about myself. I tried to figure out simple things like what I liked to do, my favorite color, and things along those lines. I never could come to a decision. It always ended up in me breaking down. It wasn't these simple thing I cared about really, the biggest question that haunted me was; How do I feel about Peeta? It was by far the hardest question as well. Everyone says I loved him. But, what did I feel now? Did I hate him? I didn't know. Did I love him? I wasn't sure. Did I feel nothing towards him? I was certain that wasn't the case. Every time I looked at him, I felt a few things. I couldn't figure out what they were - or for that matter what feelings were real, and what were not.

A tear slides down my cheek landing on my pillow as I try to figure it out. I could feel a longing for him somewhere deep inside me, but it was masked by the feeling of dislike. I couldn't tell if the longing, or the dislike was real. One of them had to be real. Some part of my mind reasons with me would the Capitol really want you to long for him? Would that really get him to break if he loves you the way he and everyone says he does? Certainly not.

But, why would they care if I disliked him? It wasn't hate. I hated him at first. The more I tried to figure him out, the more people told me, the more I thought about him I couldn't bring myself to hate him. No matter how much I wanted to. He was kind, brave, strong, and above all he loved me. More than anyone else did. I sigh closing my eyes. I wish I could hate him. If I could, I wouldn't care how I felt about him. But he was always there, in my mind. He was inescapable and I didn't completely mind.

I slowly drift into sleep thinking about the baker who loved me. The baker I use to love. I wake up to Haymitch nudging me awake.

"Katniss, wake up." I open my eyes as I sit up. "Get dressed and go down to the dining hall." I nod and he leaves. It was the same routine every morning. He didn't need to tell me anymore really. But, I was marked mentally unstable so I guess he felt a need. I slide off the bed and change into a shirt and plain jeans. I look at myself in the mirror my wavy brown hair flowing freely down my back framing my face. I stare at myself a while longer, my grey eyes seemed distant. As if I was mentally somewhere else.

Physically I was here, but mentally I didn't look like it. Maybe because _my_ mind wasn't actually completely here. It was the Capitol's mind. I shake my head moving away from the mirror refusing to look at the distant me anymore. It was almost painful. I walk down the halls of thirteen silently making my way to the dining hall quickly. I grab my tray of food and sit down next to Annie. I stare at my tray of food blocking out the conversations as usual, and push my food around my plate.

"Aren't you going to eat?" My hand freezes my fork almost falling out of my hand at the all to familiar voice. I look up to see Peeta staring at me. Usually he sits as far from as possible at this table. I hadn't noticed him sit in front of me. Normally no one does. I just blink at him trying to think of something to say. "I'm sorry if I startled you." He says quietly and looks down at his own food.

"No. It's fine." I say in almost a whisper. I could feel Annie's eyes on us. It made me uncomfortable in a way. I keep my eyes on Peeta as my late night debates come up with his eyes on me and my eyes on him. It was clear he loved me when I locked gazes with him. His eyes said it all. It hurt me that I couldn't figure out my feelings for him. He loved me so much and I didn't even know if I trusted him, or even liked him for that matter. No that was ridiculous. Of course I liked him. He was hard not to like.

That didn't mean I trusted him. I drop my fork at this, my eyes locked with his. I knew one thing. At the least I liked him. I didn't know anything else about my feelings towards him. Like if I trusted him. I still believed he wanted me dead. Which made him hard to trust.

"Katniss, are you okay?" I shrug. I hated being asked that. Obviously I wasn't okay. I was falling apart, and it took every ounce of strength I had to hold myself together. I was far from okay. Except on the rare occasions the old me came out. And staring into Peeta's eyes almost pulled out the old me, but my internal conflict always seems to get in the way.

"Your eyes look so distant." He says almost inaudibly. I wasn't sure if I was meant to hear this or not. I drop his gaze and look back at my food. So, I wasn't the only who noticed the distant look I had. He sighs. "Look I know you don't like me anymore, and I'm sorry for bothering you but I needed to give you something." I look back up at him an eyebrow arched. What on earth did this boy have to give to me?

It bothered me that he said I didn't like him too. He clearly didn't know how likable he is. I watch him as he pulls a silver cloth from his pocket. I look at it more closely and recognize it as a parachute from the arena. I give him the kind of glare that made me think of the saying If looks could kill. Why would he give me something from the arena?

"It's not what you think." He tells me as he notices my glare. He slides the parachute towards me and I look at it in disgust. "Katniss, look inside. It's yours." With that he grabs his food and moves to his usual seat. I watch him leave before looking at the parachute in front of me again. I could feel his eyes on me waiting for me to look at it. I could also still feel Annie's eyes on me.

Almost every part of me wanted to get up and give it back to him, or throw it away, or something. The curiosity wins over though. I reach towards it slowly as if it was going to bite me. I grab it and unfold it to find a pearl in the middle. I gasp instantly recognizing it. It was the pearl he had given me in the arena. I wrap the parachute back around it keeping it in my palm, before getting up and running back to my hospital room. I could feel the tears ready to spill over. The memory hits me full force just as I make it back to my room.

Peeta and I on the beach laughing, enjoying each other's company, in love. He gave me the pearl and I remembered the kiss. The kiss that only made me want more, a kiss that made me desire his lips against mine. I hold the pearl tightly in one hand and raise my other hand to my lips. I could almost feel the desire now, the hunger for his kiss. It was ridiculous. No. it was the old Katniss.

I take out the pearl and press my lips to it, squeezing my eyes shut as a tear rolls down my cheek. I would hold onto this. This pearl. This feeling. This me. The old Katniss. This pearl gave me the strength to keep fighting. It gave me hope. Just as the dandelion had when I was twelve. This pearl reminded me of why, Peeta had been my dandelion in the spring. He just delivered me hope in a little silver parachute without even realizing it.


	15. Chapter 15

A few more weeks go by, more training, more rebellion videos, more trying to figure myself out, and more trying to figure Peeta out. At night instead of trying to figure out my feelings I clutch the pearl in my hand tightly keeping it close. Almost like it was my lifeline. It brought out feelings only the old Katniss ever had. So, in a way I guess it was a lifeline. It was the real me's lifeline.

I press my lips to it as that old familiar desire for Peeta's kiss rises up in me. It was strange feeling this way again. The new me, disliked the feeling. Loathed it. The old me though clung to the feeling. I slide the pearl under my pillow as I close my eyes. I slowly slide into sleep clinging to the feeling of desire the pearl made me feel. I wake up to Haymitch shaking me awake once again. I knew his next words would be get dressed and go to the dining hall.

"Katniss, get dressed then go to the control room." I sit up looking at him confused. This wasn't usual.

"Wait, why?" He sighs hesitating before he speaks.

"They left to go to the Capitol last night. They arrived this morning. Coin wants to speak with you." I freeze as his words sink in. They went to the Capitol. Finnick. Peeta. I could feel a lump rising in my throat. Peeta was in the Capitol. There was a few feelings that ran through me at this. Relief. Fear. Longing. Thankful. I quickly try to sort out which feelings are real, and which weren't

It only result's in me starting to shake. I shake the thought out of my mind as Haymitch leaves. I slide out of bed afraid of what Coin might want from me. I slip into a plain black shirt, and jeans. My wavy hair falling freely down my back. All the videos I had seen I had normally had my hair braided, but I wasn't sure why. It looked just fine as it was.

I shake my head and walk down the halls to the control room almost shaking. My hand lands on the door knob as I take a deep breathe. This could either be really good, or really bad. I open the door and walk in pressing my back to the door just as it closes. I look between Haymitch and Coin, both of them sitting silently in front of me.

"You wanted to see me." I speak up in a quiet voice. Coin nods and gestures for me to sit. I sit down uncomfortably.

"Katniss, I want to send you out to join them." I could feel my eyes widen as her words sink in. Me in the Capitol. With no one to keep me stable. I open my mouth to object and she raises her hand stopping me.

"This isn't a question. You are going." I look at Haymitch desperately. I couldn't go there. Not in my mental state. Not with Peeta there. "No arguments. I'll give you fifteen minutes to say goodbye to your sister, and do whatever you need." I nod and without a word I leave the room. I run straight back to my hospital room. Why was she doing this? Even in my clouded confused mind I knew this was a bad idea.

I dive onto my bed, my hand sliding instantly under the pillow feeling around until my fingers close around the pearl. I pull it out and put it in my pocket. I wasn't leaving this here. I needed it. It was hope. My only hope. Once I have the pearl and I'm positive I'm not going to break down I walk to Annie's room. I knock on her door. She had become my friend. She was one of the few people who were helping to bring me back. She opens the door her facial expression confused as she see's me.

"I have to go to the Capitol too," is all I say. She pulls me into a hug, and I hug her back.

"Katniss, can I tell you something?" I nod waiting for her to continue. "I'm pregnant. With Finnick's kid." She looks almost frightened as she tells me this.

"That's great!" I say with as much enthusiasm as I can manage. Which wasn't much.

"Not if he doesn't come back." Just then Coin comes in and grabs me pulling me away. I didn't even get to say goodbye to my sister. After a few slow painful hours I'm in the Capitol. I get off and see Boggs.

"What the hell are you doing here?" He says as he walks over to me. I look to see Peeta a few feet back his eyes widening when he sees me.

"Coin sent me. I didn't have a choice." I mutter to him. Everyone was looking at me and I hated it. He sighs and walks me over to their camp. Finnick looks at me in surprise just as Peeta had. I stand next to Boggs silently as he assigns people shifts to watch me. I sigh wanting to runaway. I needed babysitters, and it was mortifying. I understood why though. I could snap and try to kill Peeta if the venom clouded over. I sit down in front of a fire once everyone is assigned shifts. Leeg 1 and leeg 2 sit down next to me.

"Katniss, are you still confused about some things?" Leeg 1 asks me and I nod. More then some I wanted to add. Leeg 2 waves for the others to come sit with us. Finnick sits across from me with Peeta at his side. "Then why don't you ask us something, and we'll tell you if it's real or not real." I look at Leeg 1 a shadow of a smile playing on my lips. It felt nice that someone cared, and someone wanted to help.

"Finnick, and Peeta will be able to tell you the most. They know you a little better." I nod and try to think of something.

"I'm from the Seam in District twelve."

"Real." Finnick says quickly. I half expected Peeta to say something. I almost wanted it to be him.

"Peeta wanted me dead." I say quietly afraid to hurt him.

"Not real." Almost everyone says at the same time. I look around at the circle of people. We play this game for about another hour until people start going to bed. All that's left around the fire is me, Leeg 1, and Peeta. Leeg 1 looked as if he was ready to fall asleep herself. I look at Peeta across the fire the orange flames casting a shadow on his face causing me to think of something.

"Your favorite color, it's orange?" He looks up at me in surprise.

"Real." He whispers. I could see him hesitate before speaking. "Yours is Green. Like forest green." I close my eyes trying to picture the color. I had been trying to figure this out for a while. I nod opening my eyes. Yes. Forest green. It made sense. I almost began to think our conversation was over before he speaks again.

"You're a hunter, a fighter. The person you care most about in the world is your sister. You know which berries are poisonous. You hunt in the woods. You saved my life. You like cheese buns, and you bought your sister a goat. You're the strongest, bravest person I know, and I love you." He talks quickly and then gets up and runs back to his tent diving in quickly.

I watch as he does in shock. I process his words. I sit there thinking about what he told me for what felt like forever. Leeg 1 finally falls asleep and I'm the only one still up. My mind starts drifting away from the words he had said about me, and I start making my own list for him.

His favorite color is orange. He's a baker. He's a painter. He sleeps with the windows open. He never takes sugar in his tea, and he always double knots his shoe laces. He saved me. He's strong. He's good with camouflage. He's great with words. I loved him, and I think maybe, just maybe I still do.


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: Thank you to everyone who's been reading and reviewing! I realize that I update this story a lot and really quickly and let me tell you why. I have 39 chapters already prewritten for it. I'm not done with it either, although I am very close to being done with it. Hopefully you all stick around for all the chapters to come. Anyways, please continue reviewing and letting me know what you think! **

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I stay up all night watching the fire, the pearl held tightly in my hand. I watched the flames flicker as I thought about what Peeta had told me about myself, and what I had remembered about him. I was amazed I could remember the smallest things about him, but when it came to myself I couldn't figure out my favorite color without someone telling me what it is. I watch the fire until the sun starts rising, then my gaze turns to the rising sun.

Peeta's the first one to wake up and he sits across from me again. We stay silent, my eyes on the rising sun and his eyes on me. Peeta's the one to break the silence.

"Is that the pearl?" His voice was slightly surprised. I look down at the pearl in my hand forgetting I was still holding it.

"Umm, yeah," I say almost shyly. I drop my head letting my hair fall to cover my cheeks I could feel them turn red. Why was I embarrassed about this? Maybe because I thought it would mean something more to him.

"Why?" I look back up at him studying his face, he was honestly confused. I guess with the way I had acted when he gave it to me, he had assumed I had gotten rid of it. I purse my lips as I contemplate how to answer without sounding crazy.

"Well," I start carefully considering my next words. "It pulled out the real memory of the day you gave it to me. Nothing was shiny about it." His expression just becomes more confused. "It makes me almost feel like the old me. The desi-" I stop myself looking down embarrassed again.

"Katniss, tell me." He gets up and moves to sit next to me.

"It's nothing." I say looking in the opposite direction of him. I'm thankful when Boggs and Finnick wake up. Finnick sits on my other side so I drop my gaze to the ground.

"How'd you all sleep?" Boggs asks us three. Both Peeta and Finnick say fine, but I stay silent. I didn't sleep and I was feeling the effects. Once everyone is awake they start filming a rebellion video, they looked as if they were almost having fun. There were some laughs and smiles from all of them. I sat off to the side watching. It was safer for everyone if I didn't touch a gun. I stare off into the distance humming an oddly familiar tune.

I couldn't figure out where I had heard the four not tune before, until the mockingjays fall silent. I stop when they do and suddenly they start singing the four note tune, and the memory hits me like a ton of bricks. Rue. I was amazed that they had fallen silent to listen to me. It was just like my dad. I shake my head and resume my thoughts from last night. At least until Boggs starts walking. I watch him and just as he steps on an orange stone he triggers one of the pods that causes an explosion right where he's standing.

I watch in horror, everyone's laughing turns to screams and everyone runs towards him. Another explosion goes off and I jump back. I get to my feet and follow the other's over to Boggs. I see him talking to Peeta, and notice he's trying to transfer the holo over to Peeta. Once I hear Finnick yelling I turn around and find black oily stuff coming down the street. Something in Finnick's words, or facial expression launches me straight into my hijacked world. My mind almost instantly because clouded with venom. No trace of old Katniss.

My eyes lock on Peeta and I tackle him pinning him to the ground. I'm just about to curl my fingers around his throat when Mitchel tackles me. I struggle to get free. Suddenly the venom takes over my whole body. I was shaking and before I could even think even try to fight it I shove him off me sending him straight to a pod. Causing it to go off. I couldn't form the thoughts that it was my fault that he was now dead.

Now I had two other restraining me, I struggled to get free with no use. I struggled to fight the venom which also looked like a losing battle. I'm dragged into an apartment the smell of the black oily stuff causing my head to get even dizzier. Why did Coin send me? I knew this would happen. As soon as we're in the apartment I'm shoved into a closet.

I kick at the door trying to get free yelling, "Let me out" every now and then. The longer I'm in the closet, the venom slowly clears my cloudy mind. I stop kicking and yelling and fall to the floor breaking down in sobs. I had almost killed Peeta. I was the reason Mitchel was dead. I hated myself. I put my shaking hands over my face and end up blacking out entirely. The next time I wake up we're in a different apartment, my hands are hand cuffed and there's a mask over my face. I pull off the mask while the others watch the TV. I sit up silently and unnoticed. All that I catch is that we're all supposedly dead.

"Now we're dead. What's our next move?" Someone speaks up. The words echo around in my mind for a minute while everyone thinks about it.

"We kill me." I say before anyone else has a chance to speak. Everyone turns to me surprise and shock on their faces.

"No Katniss!" Finnick says firmly to me. I look to Peeta to see hurt on his face at my words.

"I should be dead anyways! It's my fault Mitchel is dead! I almost killed Peeta!" I could feel the sobs coming again. I take deep breathes trying to calm myself down. Nobody here had to see me break down.

"It wasn't your fault." Leeg 1 speaks up. I look at her appalled.

"Not my fault!? Yes it is! Everyone's right! I'm the mutt here! Not Peeta. What good am I here anyways? I'm just going to end up killing someone else again!" This time I do break down. The tears start falling as I speak.

"Katniss. It's no your fault Snow did this to you." Peeta finally speaks up. I look at him my vision blurry with tears.

"Peeta I tried to kill you! It's not the first time I did either." My words cause me to break down even more. Finnick sits next to me giving me an awkward one arm hug.

"We're not going to kill you. Stop blaming yourself." I shake my head why were they doing this.

"It would be better for everyone if I was dead." I half shriek my sobs making it hard to talk. This get's Peeta going. He kneels in front of me taking my shaking hands tightly in his.

"Katniss that's not true." I lock gazes with him again, so he knows I mean what I say.

"Peeta, no one would care anyways. I'm not Katniss anymore. I'm a creation of the Capitol. I'm a mutt. I killed someone, and almost killed you. That's not okay and don't you dare try to tell me it is." I could see hurt flash in his eyes when I said no one would care.

"No one would care!? Don't you see, Katniss? I would care! Of course I would. I love you. Prim would care, your mom would care, Annie would care, Johanna, Finnick, all of us would care!" His voice gets louder as he speaks.

"Death would be so much easier for me. There is no hope for me." Je looks me straight in the eyes as he speaks

"Listen to me. I'm not giving up on you. There is still hope for you." He reaches into my pocket as he says this pulling out the pearl. He places it in my palm of my hand. "You will come back. He is not going to take you away from me." With this he gets up and walks over to Jackson. "Do you think there's any food here? We have to eat." I sigh as the subject changes.

I wasn't getting out of this. It wouldn't just be better for everyone here, but better for me. I wouldn't have to constantly fight with myself, I wouldn't have to live with the guilt of almost killing Peeta, because somewhere deep inside me I knew I still loved him. If I were to have Peeta's death on my consciousness for the rest of my life I couldn't live with myself, in fact it probably drive me to become suicidal. I sigh putting my hands over my face as I calm down pressing the cool pearl to my lips. There was no way out for me.

* * *

**A/N: In case anyone was wondering, I realize I've pretty much left Gale out of this story...honestly that's because I don't have much of a use for him in this. He shows up in a couple later chapters but as a very small character. **


	17. Chapter 17

I stay on the couch my hands over my face as I finally calm down. Peeta was right. I couldn't give up. Suddenly I'm reminded of one of the things he told me about myself 'You're the strongest and bravest person I know' if I'm as strong as he says I am, I could pull through this. I could get through all of this.

Peeta, Jackson, and Finnick all come back with several cans of food. They drop them on the floor for us to pick one. I stare at the food from the couch, my stomach was growling but I didn't want to eat. I shake my head starving myself wouldn't do any good. I stand up to look at the cans of food. Peeta walks over to me and hands me a can before turning to grab something for himself. I look at him slightly confused, then I read the label. Lamb Stew. Another memory hits me almost instantly.

Rain dripping through the stones of the cave, the aroma of this exact food filling the cave. The food that had been my favorite Capitol dish. How happy and hungry we both were. Happy to be there together, to have the safety of each other's arms. I blink pressing my lips together as I realize this wasn't a Capitol memory. No. This was real. This memory couldn't have been of any importance to my hijacking if it had been left alone. At least it wasn't shiny. I didn't know if he was doing it purposely but everything he's been giving me lately had brought back some real memories. The pearl. Him telling me about myself. Now this lamb stew.

Such simple things, have such a great impact. I sit back down on the couch away from everyone and start eating. I look at the TV as it beeps and the Capitol seal shows up. Everyone's attention is suddenly on the TV. All of a sudden everyone's face in this room is showed on the TV. Including mine. Just like they had in the arena. I stop eating. This was still the games. We were all just pieces in the games. Now we were supposedly dead. Then Snow shows up on the screen and I reflexively slink back against the arm of the couch.

I had not one good memory of this man. I cover my face with a pillow before the memories from my time in the capitol resurfaced. I know it's too late though as soon as the word peacekeeper leaves his lips. I flinch at the memory of being kicked in the side. I hated these memories. Why couldn't they have taken these memories away from me? I felt a tap on my shoulder and I looked up to see Leeg 1. I arch a questioning eyebrow at her.

"Are you okay?" She asks almost inaudibly. I just shrug. There was that legendary question, no one ever failed not to ask me. We both look at the screen as Coin starts talking. Most of it is just honoring the dead.

"Dead or alive, Peeta Mellark is the symbol of the rebellion." I look at Peeta and I could see his jaw clench. I wonder why he seemed so mad at her. Then I remember. It's because of me. Everyone assumed she had sent me here to kill him to have more of a reason to keep the rebellion going. These kind words she was speaking of him were all fake. Then Snow is back on the screen and I slink back again, but his words keep me watching.

"Tomorrow when we find the body of Peeta Mellark everyone will see who he really is. A dead boy, who couldn't even save himself." Then the seal shows and the screen goes blank. The words couldn't even save himself echo around in my mind. Just like me. I couldn't save myself. Although Peeta hasn't died so that's not true about him. When it comes to me though it hits the mark. I couldn't save myself. I tried. But I failed. Now I'm a mutt.

A tear silently rolls down my cheek and I wipe it away quickly. How weak I have become. I look up to catch the last part of the conversation

"We have to travel underground." I still wanted out of this, I wanted to be dead.

"I'm not going." I say loud enough everyone could here.

"It's not an option." Jackson replies almost snapping at me. I stand up frustrated.

"You guys go. I'll stay here." Jackson goes to open his mouth but Finnick speaks instead

"Snow's men will find you." This causes me to hesitate.

"Leave me a nightlock pill then." I tell him looking at him seriously.

"Katniss we'll knock you back out and drag you with us if you don't come willingly. Which will slow us down." Jackson counters. I turn to Peeta desperately.

"Peeta please. I want out of this. It's too much to take." I give him a pleading look, no one understood how being hijacked felt, how the guilt of almost killing someone twice felt, and how the guilt of causing someone to die felt. It was too awful to live with.

"Are you coming, or do we have to knock you out," is all Peeta says. I sigh burying my face in my hands. The handcuffs were an awful reminder of what I was capable of, but I was thankful for them. I take a deep breathe and drop my hands.

"Alright." I nod throwing a glare in Peeta's direction. I thought he of all people would give me a way out. Then I remember his words 'I'm not giving up on you. You will come back. He won't take you from me.' These words comfort me a little.

"Should we take off her handcuffs?" I jump back pulling my hands into my chest.

"No." I half yell at her. Peeta shakes his

"No. But give me the key." Jackson hands him the key silently and everyone starts walking. I follow silently. Jackson and Leeg 1 now my guards stay behind me at all times. We enter narrow passage everyone staying silent. Pollux explains that he knows the underground extremely well. No one replies to him and I felt almost bad so I speak up.

"That makes you our most valuable asset then." He along with a few other people give a quiet chuckle. Peeta turns to me with slight surprise on his face. I sigh almost dragging my feet as I walk, my eyes on the ground as I walk. Trying to think of a way out. Any way out. With two guards, Finnick, and Peeta there was no way anyone would let me out. After what feels like forever everyone is extremely tired and Peeta suggests we find a place to rest.

No one objects and Pollux finds a room full of machines for us to stay in. I move to a corner of the room by myself. Peeta walks over handing me another can of Lamb Stew, but this time he keeps the lid. I arch an eyebrow but decide to let it go. He stays silent until I finish the food.

"Katniss, this morning when I asked you about the pearl. You said the memory it brought up wasn't shiny what did you mean?" I look at him confused by his question and what had made him think of it but decide to answer.

"It's hard to explain. At first I couldn't figure out what memories were real, and which weren't but now it's a little easier to figure out the difference. Like the edges of my memories will almost shimmer, or the images will be shaky. You remember what it felt like to be bit by a tracker jacker. The hallucinations." He nods as he takes in what I had said. It was probably the most I've ever replied to anyone since the hijacking. Things just seemed better if I weren't to talk.

"That's good though. If you can separate the real and the not real, right?" He asks me quietly careful not wake the others. I shrug.

"Yeah I guess. And if I could grow wings, I could fly. Only people can't grow wings. Real or not real?" I whisper my eyes on his face the whole time.

"Real. But people don't need wings to survive." He replies just above a whisper. His eyes on my face the whole time as well.

"Mockingjays do." I say as I hand him the empty can.

"Get some sleep Katniss." He says. I lay down curling up into a ball as I had always. I was facing him instead of the wall. I stare at the back of his hand for a while. He lifts his hand and brushes some hair off of my face. I freeze when he touches me part of me longing for his touch and another part of me unsure if I could trust him. He plays with the ends of my hair that had fallen over my shoulder in front of me. After a while of this I whisper almost inaudibly.

"You're still trying to protect me. Real or not real." He looks at me with a small smile and whispers back

"Real. That's what you and I do. We protect each other" I smile slightly at this and close my eyes. Just as I'm about to drift into sleep I whisper

"Stay with me." and I'm almost positive I hear him reply "Always".


	18. Chapter 18

I become aware of Peeta's name being repeated over and over, my lips move slightly as I try to figure out what was saying his name. I sit up quickly to see everyone looking at me, I ignore the guns pointed at me.

"Peeta go!" He looks at me eyes slightly wide

"What is it?" I shake my head unsure.

"I don't know. All I know is that it's programmed to kill you. Go!" I yell as I get up. Everyone drops their guns when the see I'm not a danger.

"Whatever it is, it's after me. We should split up" I look at Peeta when he says this. _No_ is all I could think, I just couldn't get the word out.

"But we're your guards" Jackson argues. I was glad someone was objecting. I stand in my corner as I watch everyone switch up weapons. Finnick giving his two guns to others since he also had his trident. Gale giving his gun to someone since he had a bow. Peeta suggests giving me a gun but I object. I didn't trust myself with a gun.

"Katniss, I'm not letting you go unarmed." I glare at him when he says this. Why was he doing this?

"And what happens if I lose control again? I could shoot you. I'm not going to let that happen" I snap at him. There wasn't much time left to keep up this arguing. "Let's go!" I half yell frustrated we haven't moved yet. Whatever was hissing Peeta's name wanted him dead. We needed to put distance between us and the mutt. My protectiveness of Peeta suddenly reminds me of the Quarter Quell, and how my dying wish was that Peeta lived. That's when it hits me, it still is my dying wish. It was in the arena, it was in the Capitol, and it still is now. Even in my hijacked state.

We leave the room quickly, the mutts will easily be able to track us with our scent. Something told me they would stop at nothing until Peeta was dead. Once we're out of the room with the machine noises gun it's easy to tell that the hissing of Peeta's name came from behind us. I was glad Peeta was in the front. The mutts would have to get through everyone else before they got to him. Suddenly we here screaming. I freeze, it sounded gurgled. That type of scream could only come from an Avox.

"What is that?" Finnick asks. I manage to find my voice to answer him

"Avox's." I choke out. Once the screams stop the hissing of Peeta's name begins again. I start coughing and gagging when the scent of roses and blood hits me.

"Masks on!" Jackson yells. The scent was only something that would bother me. It was the scent of President Snow. My mind flashes to my first day in the Capitol's hands, Snow leaning in to get me to talk about something I didn't know about. The gagging the scent had caused. I start shaking slightly. I close my eyes and take deep breathes trying to still myself. I couldn't lose it. Not now. I notice the pod just as Finnick does. Peeta almost steps on it but Finnick yanks him back.

Messalla had already stepped on it though. He was frozen. Everyone stared at him frozen in shock. I could hear Peeta's name getting closer. How was I of all people the only one still functional? I start pushing people forward.

"There's no way to save him. We can't save him. We have to keep going." Everyone starts running forward and I follow behind. Peeta stops at an intersection when bullets fly by. I peer around the corner to spot peacekeepers. I sigh in frustration. Why weren't they continuing? I look to see the mutts come up behind the peacekeepers, it takes them a matter of a minute to destroy the peacekeepers. My eyes widen in fear. These mutts were more vicious then the wolf's, or even the monkeys.

Peeta and Finnick start walking along the wall and everyone follows. Gale activates the pod. It looked like a meat grinder. Jackson and Leeg one push me in front of them.

"Go! We're going to hold the mutts back!" I look at them desperately. Why would they do that? I try to get them to come but they shove me forward and I run to catch up. Peeta, Pollux and Gale have already climbed up a ladder. Finnick pushes me up the ladder along with Cressida. Once I'm up the ladder I turn to see Finnick being taken by a mutt. Suddenly I hear Annie telling me about the baby. I almost yell out but decide that's no good.

Peeta and Gale get into an argument about helping him. I collapse to the ground pulling my knees to myself as I press my hands to my face. The shaking was starting again.

"Katniss!" I could hear Peeta yell my name but I stay in my position holding on to my sanity just barley. "Katniss?" He pulls my shaking hands from my face and I look at him in fear.

"Leave me. I can feel myself losing it. I'll go mad just like the mutts." I tell him. He looks me dead in the eye.

"You can do this Katniss." I shake my head

"No," is all I say my hands shaking even worse. What he does next takes me by surprise. He presses his lips to mine, which cause me to freeze, causes the shaking to stop. The kiss lasts until he needs air.

"Don't let him take you from me." I start shaking again as the visions from being in the Capitol take over my mind.

"I don't want to" I choke out as I continue to fight the images, and the venom.

"Katniss, it's your turn to stay with me." He looks me in the eye as he says this, and I suddenly remember last night. When I spoke the words 'Stay with me'.

"Always." I say honestly looking him back in the eye. He pulls me to my feet. We catch up to everyone, they had climbed another ladder which lead to a woman's dressing room. She calls for help and I watch as she falls to the ground dead after the sound of a gun shot goes off. I wasn't sure who had done it but it was awful to watch. My hands start becoming more steady as I get a grip on my sanity.

I grab the pearl from my pocket as everyone discusses what our next move was. I hold onto it until I'm calm again and the images in my mind have stopped. Pollux grabs my arm and pulls me with them into her closet. By the time we reach the woman's closet I know we're going to try to disguise ourselves. Cressida helps get me into disguise then get's herself into disguise. I look at myself in the mirror in disgust.

I didn't like the way I looked in capitol clothes. Cressida grabs scarves and wraps them around mine and Peeta's mouths and noses. I guess we would be the most recognizable. We exit into the streets I stay behind Peeta and in front of Cressida as we walk out. We jump back when a group of peacekeepers walks by. I notice and emergency telecast from the window of an apartment. I point it out to Cressida and Peeta, everyone else stops to look as well. It's all of our faces on the TV, telling the citizens to look out for us. Now everyone on the street was as dangerous as any peacekeeper. We needed a place to hide.

* * *

**A/N: So, I know this chapter isn't the best, and is pretty straight to the point but I hope you enjoy it anyways. I want to thank all of you who read and review my story. Special thanks to Browniangel who took the time to review every chapter. Means a lot! Also thanks to theseaisblue, jennik55, 1234, LittleGirlBigImagination.**


	19. Chapter 19

We look between each other trying to think of something. I could feel myself starting to shake, I put my wrists against the handcuffs the pain making me grit my teeth, but also helping keep control. Cressida says she knows a place we could go.

"It's not ideal, but we can try," she says. We all nod and she walks in front of Peeta.

"Wait, why don't we take Katniss's handcuffs off?" I turn to Gale with a glare when he says this.

"No!" I snap at him and draw my hands into my body. I look at Peeta "It's the only way I keep control. I dig my hands into it and the pain helps me concentrate." He nods and the subject is dropped. We follow Cressida down a couple of blocks, into a store. Once we walk in the shop I look at the girl behind the counter in shock. She had whiskers, and strips, and a tail. I had seen some crazy Capitol people but she was by far the most extreme. Cressida takes of her wig as she speaks.

"Tigris, we need your help." Tigris. The name fits her quite well. "Plutarch said you could be trusted," I look between the two confused. This bizarre Capitol person was one of Plutarch's friends? Peeta steps forward and removes his scarf reveling himself to her. I watch in fear she might go to get peacekeepers. Instead she slides under the desk, after a few seconds she waves for Peeta to go in. He follows her and I watch waiting for something to happen nervously.

I follow Cressida as she goes to join Peeta and Tigris. I look at the Cellar amazed. We walk down the stairway to find Peeta already at the bottom. I was exhausted. From fighting the venom, and I still wasn't fully healed on the back from the whip. It hurt every now and then. Not to mention my wrists hurt. Peeta pulls me over to a sink while the others set up beds of fur to go to sleep. He washes the blood away from my cuts, and puts a bandage on them. I watch his hands as he cleans my cuts.

"You've got to keep them clean, I may not be healer but - " I cut him off suddenly remember the first games.

"I know what blood poisoning is. Even though I don't know much anymore." He looks at me unsure how to respond. He was probably remembering when rolls were reversed during the first games as well. I almost longed for that time. "You said the same thing to me in the first Hunger Games. Real or not real?" I ask him.

"Real," he whispers. I nod. I thought so.

"And I risked my life going to get the medicine for you. Real or not real?" He looks at me for a moment probably wondering why I was asking.

"Real." He replies again.

"You were the reason I was alive to do it. Real or not real?" The memory of him helping the careers kill me comes to mind, but it was shiny. I start shaking and push my hand against the cuffs.

"Real. I would never want you dead Katniss." He says. I relax as the memory fades. A sigh leaving my lips.

"I'm tired, Peeta." My voice sounded sad and detached. I wasn't just sleepy tired. I was mentally tired. All the fighting to figure out who I was, all the fighting against the hijacking. I was just tired of it all. The nightmares. The fake memories. The losing myself. The guilt. It was too much for one person to take.

"Then go to sleep," he says and brushes a strand of hair from my face. I shake my head.

"Handcuff me to the railing first." I didn't trust myself. I don't know how he found it in him to trust me.

"Katniss, that's not necessary." He sighs as he speaks. He knows I'll argue.

"Yes it is. I don't trust myself and you shouldn't either." He walks to the staircase and I follow.

"Why shouldn't I trust you?" I'm taken by surprise at his question.

"Because I almost killed you twice." He turns to me frustration on his face.

"It's not your fault. Stop blaming yourself." I decide not to argue further, he takes off one side of my handcuffs and cuffs it to the railing.

"Thank you." I say almost silently. I lay down on the fur bed Pollux and Cressida had made. I fall asleep quickly, feeling lonely and tired. I wouldn't admit it but I wished I had Peeta's arms to keep the nightmares away. I didn't trust myself to not kill him in his sleep though. I wake up to Peeta arguing with the other three about his plan to kill Snow. I sit up silently not saying anything as I watch them argue. Peeta looks at me when I wake up.

"What do you think Katniss?" The other three turn to look me, not having noticed that I had woken up. I think for a minute, I remember Peeta saying "she has no idea the effect she can have". Honestly, I think he's the one who has no idea the effect he can have. He's the only one who's been able to pull parts of the old Katniss out of me, he's the only one that's been able to keep my going and not give up, the only one who's made me even feel since the hijacking.

"I think you were wrong when you said I have no idea the effect I can have. You have no idea the effect you can have. Those soldiers weren't stupid. Everyone knew you wanted to kill Snow. They believed you could, so they followed you." Everyone stares at me for a minute as they process my words. Everyone then starts deciding on a way to kill Snow. I sigh and start thinking through my list of things Peeta had described me with.

A hunter. I probably wouldn't be very good with a bow and arrow anymore. Not with my memories taken away, and frequently unstable hands. A fighter. Maybe I am. I'm still alive aren't I? I've been through hell and back and haven't given up. Although I've tried, Peeta always gave me a little bit of hope to keep going. The person I care about most in the world is my sister. That would explain my reason for volunteering for her at the reaping.

I continue down the list until I reach the end. All of it made sense. Then I think about my own private list I had about Peeta in my head. I loved him. I may be hijacked and confused but I couldn't deny I felt something for Peeta. I don't remember what loving him felt like but I had a feeling it was similar to this. I could never admit it though. Not unless I was more stable. More reliable. I was getting there. I had the help of Annie Johanna Finnick and Haymitch back in thirteen. Now I had the help of Peeta.

Maybe everyone was right, there was hope for me. I would come back. Peeta had a way of bringing out the old me, maybe that was a sign. It was possible. I wouldn't be a mutt forever. Pollux brings me down a bowl of food since I had refused to go up and eat. I eat my food as I continue to think. Peeta's the first one to come down after dinner. I watch as he goes to his bed of fur.

"Peeta." I speak his name before I'm able to stop myself. He looks at me almost confused. I thought we had gotten passed the whole confusion over speaking to each other.

"I loved you. Real or not real?" I wanted to know what he thought, if he truly thought I loved him or thought it was all a lie. He looks at me carefully probably wondering where this was coming from.

"Real." I nod, I thought so. What I say next takes both of us by surprise. I hadn't planned on saying anything.

"I think maybe, I still do." His face shows total shock, but I could also see the words made him happy by the way his eyes light up to an even more brilliant shade of blue/

"Go to sleep Katniss." I nod and lay down in my bed of fur. Just as I'm about to fall asleep I feel Peeta's lips press against my forehead, and I'm almost positive I hear him say, "I love you". I sleep almost peacefully until a hijacked nightmare enters my dreams. I whimper slightly before dragging myself out of my sleep. I could feel myself shaking and I dig my wrist into the handcuffs before I lose myself. Once I've gained control of myself again sigh sitting back against the railing. I was tired. That was something I was positive of. I wouldn't give up though. I couldn't give up.


	20. Chapter 20

I wake up to Peeta uncuffing my hand from the railing. I open my mouth to object but he stops me.

"You're going to eat with the rest of us." Pollux helps me up from my bed of fur. Peeta drops the handcuffs on the bed of fur and purse my lips unsure this was a good idea. I eat breakfast in the kitchen by myself. I didn't have my handcuffs to keep me stable and I didn't want to hurt Peeta. Peeta, Pollux, Cressida, and Gale come in when they're done eating. I look between the four of the questioningly. "

We're going to go out to the Capitol. But we think it'd be better for you to stay here." I nod as I think about this plan. Yes it was a good idea for me to not go with them, but what use was I sitting in a cellar? I had made the promise to myself I wasn't giving up on myself. Sitting in a cellar because I'm harmful, or useless was pretty much giving up on myself.

"You're right. But, I'll go out by myself." Peeta shakes his head at me. I looked at him with a confused expression. What was the problem with this?

"And what do you plan on doing?" He stares me down as I stare him down. I cross my arms across my chest ignoring the other three's stares

"If there's one thing I'm useful for, it would be to cause a diversion." Peeta sighs he knew I was going to be stubborn.

"And what if you feel yourself losing it," he counters. I purse my lips for a second as I think of a reply

"You mean go mutt?" I half snap. He glares at me when I say this. Why bother denying it? Both of us knew that's what it was "I'll get back here as soon as I feel it coming on" I could tell he didn't have another argument, I turn to Gale with a glare when he speaks. it seemed no one wanted to let me do this.

"What if Snow catches you?" I roll my eyes, all four of them were taking the same risk.

"I'll take my chances just like you four," I argue.

"What if he does? You don't have a gun," Pollux adds. That was three out of four now who were arguing. I was getting frustrated. Gale pulls one of my hands towards him and places the nightlock pill in my palm. I purse my lips as I look at it and then look at Peeta. He just shakes his head and closes my fingers around the pill. He looks me in the eyes as he speaks.

"Take it Katniss." I nod feeling the longing only the old Katniss would have for him. I swallow hard as I think of the fact I may never see him again. His hand was still curled around mine, mine curled around the pill. I reach up on my toes and kiss just off to the side of his mouth closing my eyes as my lips come in contact with his skin.

"Be careful. Please," I whisper almost inaudibly. I was amazed I hadn't started shaking yet. He nods and whispers back.

"You too. I'm going to get Snow back for what he did to you. For taking you from me. I promise." I almost completely forget the other three as our conversation becomes more personal.

"He didn't take me from you." He looks at my face probably deciding whether this is true or not.

"Part of you hates me, and wants me dead." I shake my head when he speaks

"That part of me, isn't the real me." He takes my face in his hands and crashes his lips to mine. I suddenly get hit with the memory of being on the beach, the kiss that made me want more. That's exactly what this kiss was.

"We have to go." Pollux says and Peeta pulls away from me. Gale grabs Peeta's arm and starts walking to the door.

"You love me, real or not real?" Peeta says as Gale pulls him out the door. The door opens and closes just as the word leaves my lips.

"Real." After about ten minutes Cressida and Pollux set out. Once they've left Tigris grabs my arms and looks at me seriously.

"Katniss. You need to fight. You need to come back. You can't let Snow win. Don't become a piece in his games, like I did. I gave up, I became a pawn of the Capitol and I hate it. I hate myself for giving up. You're strong Katniss, I've seen you in those games. You're the strongest person I've ever met. Don't give in. Fight." Her words hit me. No one's words had ever had this much effect in me. The words drug out the old Katniss full force. She was right, if I gave up I would be a a piece in Snow's games. I nod

"Thank you Tigris." She nods and says one last thing.

"Don't become me." Then she walks away and it's time for me to leave. I pull my hood up and pull my scarf over my mouth before walking into the streets. I put the nightlock pill in my pocket and hear it hit the pearl. I'm shocked by all the people outside of their houses in their pajamas. The people here were actually scared. I was sure they had never felt fear a day in there lives, at least until the rebellion. I find that there's no need for a distraction after what felt like a half an hour.

Everyone was freaking out over not having a place to go. They weren't paying attention. I decide to go to the square where I knew Peeta, Gale, Pollux, and Cressida were heading. It was where Snow's house was located. It takes me about another half hour to find my way to the square. I have to push through some people. My eyes spot Peeta across the square horror was painted on his face and his lips moved like he was calling someone's name. I look at him confused, I push past a couple other people just in time to see the blonde hair. The two braids, and the back of her shirt untucked. What was Prim doing here?

Panic takes over and just as her name leaves my lips the parachutes go off, and I watch my sister die. My pant leg catches on fire and I dive into a snow bank rolling my leg back and forth as I cry and yell out. What had just happened? Was this real or not real. As I sob I begin to think it was real. Between Peeta's kiss, Tigris's words, and watching my sister die I was fully Katniss. The mutt version of me wouldn't have been affected.

Once I have the fire out I check my leg to see extreme burns. I curl up into a ball in the snow as I sob. What a mess this has all become. All because I volunteered for my sister, all because I held out those nightlock berries. This was all my fault. I sparked the rebellion without trying. I just wanted to keep my sister safe and in the end she died anyways. I couldn't say the effort wasn't worth it though, if the rebels won no kid will ever have to go through what Peeta, Finnick, Annie, Johanna, Enobaria, Rue, Cato, Clove, Glimmer, Foxface, Marvel, Thresh, Megs, Haymitch, myself and so many others have been through.

I would also have Peeta. The thought of Peeta and Tigris's words get me to move. What if something had happened to him? I feel myself start shaking and within seconds I black out.


	21. Chapter 21

I stay unconscious for who knows how long. It felt like forever. I was alive, but as good as dead. I wasn't allowed to die. That's what it felt like. As many times as I have almost died, it's never happened. Why not? I wake up in a Capitol hospital room. It scares me at first until I see my mom walk in. She sighs in relief and walks back out. So I take it, I was safe. I wasn't here to be torchered all over again.

If it wasn't for the burns on my leg I would have to question everything. I take a deep breath as I think through everything that's happened. I blew up the arena. I was taken to the Capitol. Beaten. Abused. Hijacked. I was broken out. I tried to kill Peeta. Not all my memories are reliable. I trained. I went to help with the rebellion. I may have fallen in love with Peeta all over again, but that could be questionable still with my clouded mind. I went to the square. I watched my sister die, and I almost died.

The images of Prim in the explosion cause me to shake and start crying. It was never going to end was it? I slide my hands over my forehead trying to get a grip on myself. I take a deep breathe. I couldn't slip away I couldn't give up. I've been through so much already and I've fought too hard for it to be worth nothing. The doctors fix the burns on my leg, but they couldn't completely get rid of my scars.

Days go by Peeta was promised that he got to kill Snow, Coin runs Panem which I wasn't entirely sure that was a good idea. Peeta's also had more time to give in to the reality that his family is all dead. Snow bombed twelve, and they're dead. Now that he hasn't had the rebellion to distract him it's affecting him greatly. I haven't seen him personally but my mom keeps me updated. She wasn't doing very good herself either.

The loss of my sister has gotten to her, but this time she works instead of shuts down. I guess it was better that way. Annie was coming to terms with Finnick's death, and dealing with her pregnancy. Johanna had no one to go back to, she was alone. Gale went to District two. As for Pollux and Cressida no one told me what happened to them. The doctors work with me now with Capitol technology. They have me make a list to repeat to myself, that's about the real me whenever I feel like I'm about to lose it.

This comes easy, I use Peeta's list to help me. My name is Katniss Everdeen, I am seventeen years old. I was in the Hunger Games. My favorite color is Forest Green. I hunt. I'm great with a bow and arrow. I sparked the rebellion. President Snow killed my sister, Peeta will kill him. I may love Peeta. The list keeps me sane. This continues for days. I take my medicine, I eat. The doctors help me figure out what's real and not real.

I've begun to pull myself back together, all the little pieces I have become slowly being put back together. I wasn't complete though. I didn't know if I ever would be again. Not with part of me missing, and my sister dead. One morning my old prep team comes in along with Effie. I look between them confused.

"Today is President Snow's assassination. Everyone involved in the rebellion has to be there. It's going to be a big, big, big day," says Effie as she leaves the room. My prep team fixes me up quickly before they go to prep Peeta. It occurs to me that I'll actually get to see Peeta for the first time since we were in Tigris's house. That makes me smile just a little bit.

Effie comes back to get me once my prep team is done. She takes me down to a production meeting where Plutarch, Johanna, Annie, Haymitch, Beetee, and Enobaria sit. I sit down next to Haymitch and Annie. We all wait and I talk quietly to Annie about her baby until Effie brings in Peeta.

"What's all this?" Peeta says sounding almost tired, I didn't blame him for being tired.

"We're not sure. Looks like a gathering of the remaining victors." Haymitch answers him. He sits down on the other side of the table. Just out of reach. As Coin talks about the rebellion and today I look at Peeta. I see the fire had gotten him too. I could see where the fire had hit his forehead just missing his eyes. His unforgettable blue eyes. I'm snapped out of my thoughts as someone speaks.

"So, what has been proposed is that we hold a final Hunger Games using children from the Capitol." We all look at Coin, our eyes wide.

"You have got to be joking." Peeta replies. Coin shakes her head. It was a little extreme, but it'd be payback wouldn't it? We watch their children fight to the death just as they had done with us? But yet two wrongs do not make a right.

"You may cast your votes," Coin says, Peeta doesn't hesitate before answering.

"No! Of course not! We can't have another Hunger Games!" He half shouts. The idea really seemed to make him mad.

"Why not? Seems fair to me. I vote yes, plus Snow has a granddaughter." Johanna argues. Enobaria agrees with Johanna.

"Let them have a taste of their own medicine," she says sullenly. Peeta didn't like all the yes's.

"This is why we had a rebellion in the first place," he says frustrated.

"Annie?" He turns to her I'm sure hoping for a no.

"No. Finnick would vote no if he was here too." Beetee also says no. That was three no's and two yes's.

"Katniss? Haymitch?" Coin turns to us. We were the last to vote. I think of all the people I loved who have died, and all the people who just wanted to live who died fighting to stay alive.

"I vote yes. For Prim." I say quietly. Peeta was mad now and he was trying to convince Haymitch why it was wrong.

"I'm with Katniss." Haymitch finally answers.

"Excellent." Coin says and tells us to take our places for the execution. I stand off to the side with Johanna, Annie, Haymitch, Effie, Enobaria, Beetee, and Plutarch as Peeta walks onto the stage. Someone must've trained him how to use a bow and arrow, not that he had to shoot far. Snow was only ten feet in front of him. I watch as he pulls back the string, the arrow aimed directly at Snow. Until I see the arrow shift upwards, and he releases it.

I watch in complete shock as Coin falls off the balcony. Dead. I see Peeta put down the bow and reach for a pocket. He was going for the nightlock pill. I dive onto the stage clamping my hand down over the nightlock and his teeth bite into my hand instead. I ignore the pain the bite had cause.

"Let go, Katniss," he says. He looks me in the eyes almost pleadingly.

"I can't," I say and he's pulled away from me, but the pocket tears and the pill falls to the ground. I watch as it falls relieved. Good. now he couldn't harm himself. He's carried away thrashing and I watch wishing I could help. Effie grabs my arm and takes me back to my hospital room. I don't get updates on Peeta anymore. I begged but no one would say anything except he's still alive. What did that mean?

The doctors help me with my hijacking again. Bringing me back all the more. The doctors weren't going to help me though. They brought back memories sure, but only was it Peeta who could bring out my real emotions, because he knew me better then I knew myself, but I wasn't allowed to even know what was going on with him. They were still afraid the wrong information would send me into hijacking land and sometimes it did.

At night I sit and wonder as I hold the pearl close to me. As they try to bring back my memories sometimes I lose it and I go mutt. I can't help it. This is what President Snow has made me. I was powerless. It was just part of me now. I still wasn't going to give up. One day my mom comes in and wakes me up. I look at her questioningly.

"Peeta and Haymitch are going back to twelve." I look at her confusion washing over me. Why weren't we? Was I still that unstable?

"Katniss, once the doctors have done everything they want to do. You can go back too." This makes me feel a lot better, besides for the fact she said /I/ could go back. What about her?

"What about you" I ask quietly.

"I'm going to go to four once you're done." I didn't understand. She was the last family I had left. In a way I guess Haymitch was my family too, and I loved Peeta but she was my only blood family I had left and she was leaving me. After about a month I'm allowed to go back to District 12. When I get there I realize how much they have worked at fixing it up. At first I walk to my old house, there wasn't much left of it. Before I break I walk straight to the Victor's village. I find myself not at my door step but at Peeta's.

I knock lightly on the door biting my lip. He opens the door first his eyes widening in surprise at seeing me. He rubs his eyes probably wondering if he was really seeing me. His blonde hair was slightly messy and he had flour of his cheek. A smile breaks out across his face and his blue eyes light up.

"You're back." I nod with a slight smile.

"Hey, Peeta."


	22. Chapter 22

We stare at each other for a moment before he pulls me into a hug. I smile slightly as his familiar strong arms wrap around me, my mind flashing back instantly to the cave, and the nights on the train. These are the arms that kept the nightmares away, the arms that made me feel safe when I didn't feel like I could be safe anymore. The scent of bread baking wafts by and my smile widens at the familiar scent.

The scent that I had smelt the day he tossed the bread to me. Part of me was telling me things would never be like these memories again, my hijacking would always be in the way. Yet, another hopeful part of me believed it could be the same. With a little time, and rebuilding our relationship. It would be easy this time. No threat of the Hunger Games looming over us, no threat at all. And no cameras. This time it could be real.

He pulls me into his house when the oven beeps. I follow him in looking around the familiar house. Haymitch was drinking on the couch. That was one thing that didn't change. Greasy Sae was in the kitchen making dinner. I look around the house absolutely amazed. They has made their own little family while I was gone, made up for their loses, for their missing family members. The thought brings on a whole new hope to me. No things wouldn't be the same.

Even if I wasn't hijacked, it wouldn't be the same. But this picture here showed me that even though things are different now they can be just as amazing.

"Well, look who's back." Haymitch slurs from the couch I turn to him to find a wide grin spread across his face. I nod.

"Guess they decided I was finally stable enough to be trusted around other people." He drops his grin as I speak and I can hear Peeta sigh. I wasn't going to act like I was the same Katniss, my hijacking was still very real to me. Sometimes it still took over.

"I'm not going to pretend like it never happened. It's still apart of me, and it always will be. But Peeta," I turn to him as I speak his blue eyes watching me carefully. "You make me feel things only the old Katniss would feel. You make me long for you. No part of me hates you or wants you dead anymore. I know now that you never wanted me dead, you went into both of those arena's wanting to offer up your life to save mine. You were ready to give it all for me. I was for you too. I still am. I didn't know that until the rebellion, when I found myself walking towards the square to make sure you were still alive." His eyes light up slightly and a smile crosses his lips.

"He didn't take you from me then," his voice sounds relieved and happy. I shake my head a smile spreading across my face.

"No he didn't." His smile widens at my words, he sets the tray of cheese buns on the table

"Your favorite." He tosses one to me and I catch it. The familiar scent hits me instantly and I take a bite. He was right back in the Capitol when he said they were my favorite. They were amazing. Greasy Sae sets the table and tells everyone to sit. I sit next to Peeta and across from Greasy Sae. I only speak when Peeta asks me something, otherwise I try to stay quiet. It was weird but I felt like I was intruding on their dinner. That would take some time to get use to.

After dinner Greasy Sae leaves and Haymitch walks across the street to his house. I walk towards the door my hand on the door knob when Peeta speaks.

"Katniss, wait." I turn to him my hand sliding away from the door knob. I look at him arching a questioning eyebrow. "Do you want to stay here?" I hesitate before answering wondering if that was a good idea.

"Shouldn't we start as friends again, and rebuild our relationship from there?" I regretted the words almost instantly, I wanted to stay here, to have his arms around me while I slept. To have him there when my nightmares wake me up.

"I wasn't talking about more then friends, I was talking about like we did on the train. We were just friends then but we helped each other through the nightmares." I nod a smile forming on my lips now.

"I would love to then." He smiles and holds his hand out for me. I grab his hand and he leads me to his room. I fall asleep quickly happy to be in his arms. Days, weeks go by I rebuild my relationship with Haymitch, it doesn't take us long to be snarky with each other again. Slower though I rebuild my relationship with Peeta. We always sleep together warding off each others nightmares.

One day we wake up to snow, we go downstairs and he starts a fire in the fireplace. I go to the kitchen my feet falling softly on the cold tile. I grab stuff to make hot chocolate. The same stuff we drank of the train. We've gotten so much closer and fallen back in love. That was undeniable but neither of us had said anything about it. We haven't even kissed.

He has pillows and blankets set up on the floor in front of the fire and I smile walking over to him. I hand him his mug before sitting down next to him. He wraps a blanket around my shoulder and I curl up close to his side my head resting on his shoulder, his arms around me. We stare at the fire in silence. I didn't complain I was perfectly happy like this. Silence was comfortable with him. We didn't need to say anything, we just needed to be with each other. That's how it was before, and I loved every minute of this. He lets out a content sigh and a smile plays on my lips when he does. He rests his head on top of mine.

"Peeta?" I speak his name quietly, but it didn't need to be loud the room was almost silent aside from the crackling of the fire.

"Yes, Katniss?" He lifts his head from mine, bringing his hand under my chin to lift my face to his.

"I love this," is all I say. I knew there was more to what I wanted to say, but I didn't want to ruin this. He kisses my forehead and smiles.

"Me too." He rubs my arms with his hand and I close my eyes smiling.

"Hey, Katniss," I open my eyes and pull back slightly to look at him.

"Yeah?" He looks me in the eyes a grin on his lips. I look at him questioningly.

"We're madly in love you know, it's alright to kiss me anytime you you feel like." I grin as he says this remembering when I found him in the mud slowly dying in the first games. I lean forward and press my lips to his only lightly at first. His arms snake around my waist pulling my closer to him as he deepens the kiss. It was the first kiss since the rebellion, the first kiss where we're both ourselves. The kind of long, lingering kiss that still made me hunger for more. Just like that night during the quarter quell


	23. Chapter 23

**A/N: Time for a time skip. I know, shame on me. I could've done more with them rebuilding their relationship and stuff I know. I just couldn't wait to write all this out. Anyways, even though I did a time skip I hope you guys still enjoy the chapter. **

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**~A couple years later~**

I wake up my head resting on Peeta's bare chest the sound of his heartbeat clear in my ear. I smile as I open my eyes the breeze coming in from the windows. I look at the ring on my finger and up at Peeta's face. As of yesterday I was Mrs. Mellark. I close my eyes as I remember the day he asked me to marry him. It was odd because a few hours before I got engaged I had been talking to Annie about if he ever asked me.

I told her I didn't know what'd I'd say and she replied, "Can you picture your life without him?" She looked at me seriously as she said this her son in her arms.

"No." I replied immediately and honestly. A smile played across her lips.

"Exactly. You know it's real then." I nodded smiling back. I had walked back home a couple hours after that to find all the lights in the house off. I called out Peeta's name but he didn't reply. My eyes fell to the floor as I noticed the flickering of light. I found a bunch of candles. They were lined up across from each other almost like a pathway. I walked between the candles and stopped when I bumped into a table. I looked down to see a cheese bun on a plate.

I looked around for Peeta confused. He walked up behind me wrapping his arms around me from behind.

"Eat it" he whispered in my ear. I still wasn't sure of what was going on. I picked up the cheese bun and bit into it. As I bite half the cheese bun off I watched a ring fall onto the table from the other half. I turned to Peeta arching a questioning eyebrow, a smile spreading across my face anyways. He grabbed the ring from the table and got down on one knee. A wider smile spread across my face as he spoke/

"Katniss, I've loved you since I first layed eyes on you. Everything that's happened hasn't changed that. I want to be your husband, and stay with you always. I wouldn't want to be with anyone else. You are my other half. We've been through hell and back and all I want is you. Forever. Will you marry me?" I beamed and said yes.

He picked me up twirling me around and we shared a passionate kiss. I smile as I reopen my eyes. That was one of the best days of my life for sure, along side yesterday. My mother, Plutarch, Gale, Johanna, Enobaria, Effie, and Annie all came down to District twelve to attend. Haymitch walked me down the aisle and handed me over to Peeta, since he was the closest thing to a father I had left. I had always said I was never going to get married, but marrying Peeta was the best thing I had ever done. Peeta yawns beside me and whispers.

"Good morning, Mrs. Mellark." I look up and smile widely as he speaks my new name.

"Good morning." We decided not to go anywhere fancy for our honeymoon, instead we went to the woods and stayed in the little cabin by the lake my father use to take me to when I was little. It was private. That's just how we wanted it. I sit up pulling Peeta's shirt down before stretching. He gave me his shirt to sleep in, which I loved. He sits up and pulls me in for a kiss.

"How did you sleep?" He whispers against my lips.

"Amazing. And you?" I smile pressing my lips to his once more before pulling away only slightly.

"Great. I had my wife in my arms." I smile widely and kiss him again. We stay by the lake for a week. I teach him how to hunt. At night we curl up with each other next to a fire. Sometimes we went into the lake and messed around. It really felt like we were the only two people in the world and I loved it. On our last night Peeta turned to me while we were sitting by the fire.

"Katniss…" He spoke my name softly and hesitantly. I looked at him wondering why he seemed hesitant.

"Yeah?" He sighed slightly before continuing.

"I know what you said before, but do you think you've changed your mind about having kids? You did with marriage." This time I sigh. Now I know why he was being hesitant. He was right I had changed my mind on marriage, but I was still hesitant about kids.

"Peeta, you know why I don't want to have kids." He shakes his head and kisses me softly.

"We don't have to worry about the games. Look at Annie's son, he was the first born in this new world we created. He can be safe, never have to live in fear of the reaping. Never have to worry about The Hunger Games." He was right, but some part of me was still afraid to bring a child into this world. Everything good I've ever had, had been taken from me. My hijacking almost caused me to lose Peeta. I was positive he was the one person I would never have to worry about losing.

"But, I still feel like if we bring someone into the world, he or she will be taken from us. Almost everything good I've ever had has been taken from me." He took my face in his hands looked me in the eyes.

"Katniss, I promise nothing will take a child away from us." I smile at his words but I still wasn't convinced. I shake my head slightly and he pulls away sighing.

"I'll talk you into it you know," he said and gave me a grin. I laughed and told him, "Good luck with that." This morning he hadn't said anything about but I knew it was coming eventually. He was probably waiting until we got back home, where I would see Annie and her son. It was going to be hard to deny it when I had proof right in front of me.

It was true Little Finnick was happy, he had no idea of the nightmares that haunted everyone he knew. He had no idea the real reason his father was dead. He was only three, he couldn't know any of that yet. He knew his dad had died but he didn't know why. He liked to talk to me about not having a father, because in that way he could relate to me. I liked being able to help him be okay with it.

As I think about this I look at Peeta as we walk in silence hand in hand back to our home. Maybe he was right, maybe having a kid wouldn't be so bad. I enjoyed spending time with little Finnick, so why was I so afraid to have my own? I had Peeta right there by my side with me. I always would. He promised me that.

Every night before we go to sleep I whisper, "Stay with me" and every time he replies, "Always." It reminds us that we would have each other through anything. It's what kept us strong. Why shouldn't we have a kid? We would be a real family. I could see in his eyes he wanted a family more then anything. He lost everyone in his family when District 12 was destroyed. He's been able to except it, though I know he misses it. As we approach our house he sets the bags down on the porch and picks me up wedding style.

"Welcome home, Mrs. Mellark," he grins at me and I instantly grin back. He walks in the door and sets me down. Yes. Maybe a family wouldn't be so bad.


	24. Chapter 24

I turn uncomfortably as the nightmares play out in my head. I sit up as I pull myself out of the awful dreamland. I look next to me to find the bed empty. I press my hand to my forehead calming myself down, and making sure I have a grip on myself. Every now and then I still felt myself going mutt. I've been able to control it for the most part though. Just as I calm down the smell of breakfast fills the room and I smile slightly. I slide out of bed my feet landing silently on the floor. I walk downstairs quietly walking up behind Peeta.

"Morning." I say softly a smile playing on my lips.

"Morning," he replies and looks at me with a wide smile. He presses my lips to my temple lightly before resuming making breakfast. My stomach stirs slightly and I instantly feel sick. I run out of the kitchen straight to the bathroom. I bend over the toilet just in time as I start throwing up. Once I'm done I reach for the faucet and turn it on. I put my lips under it rinsing out my mouth. My hand goes to my stomach as I look at my face in the mirror.

Did I have the flu? Then I remember. Peeta had finally convinced me to have a family. I bite my lip trying to remember when we tried. It was about nine weeks ago. Peeta hadn't asked much about it this week, which made me completely forget.

"Katniss.." I hear Peeta calling my name. I ignore him and splash my face with water trying to calm myself down. How did he ever convince me to do this? It took a couple months for him to finally get me to agree. I had never seen him look so happy when I finally said we could try. It was constant hints, and him saying " wouldn't it be nice to have a family".

I think it was the look in his eyes that actually convinced me. I could tell how badly he wanted this, and how much it meant to him. Now though it seemed scary. He walks into the bathroom and looks at me concerned.

"Breakfast is done. Are you okay?" I nod weakly. It wasn't exactly true.

"I'm fine." I say quietly. I wasn't going to tell him anything, not until I knew for sure. "I'm going to visit Annie after breakfast." I turn to look him nodding with a slight smile. He kisses my forehead before taking my hand and leading me back into the kitchen. My head was spinning slightly. I didn't know what to think. Was it the flu? Or was I actually pregnant? I shake my head trying to forget it. We eat breakfast and talk. Once we're done eating breakfast I run upstairs changing quickly. I kiss him lightly before leaving.

"I'll be back soon. I love you." I smile and walk out of the house. I wave to a drunk Haymitch before half walking, half running towards the house Annie was staying in. She visited a lot. Whenever she got lonely missing Finnick she would come down and stay in one of the houses by us. I had suggested she just move here but she refused to give up the ocean. That was understandable though, it was her one reminder of Finnick. Even if it was painful sometimes she couldn't give it up.

It was just like the Primroses Peeta had planted in front of our house. It was a reminder of my sister, sometimes painful but other times I couldn't have been more thankful for them. I knock on the door lightly. I glance around the yard until she opens the door.

"Hey, Katniss," she smiles and hugs me lightly.

"Hey, Annie." She studies my face for a second. Something in my face must've shown my worry.

"What's wrong?" She asks and pulls me into the house. I wave at little Finnick when he looks up from his toys. He smiles and waves back. He looked a lot like his father, but he had Annie's eyes.

"Do you have a pregnancy test?" My voice shakes as she speaks. I didn't know if she threw out her extra ones, but I knew she had some left over. I was hoping she hadn't thrown them out. Her eyes widen and she nods.

"Come with me." She leads me into the bathroom. "I didn't expect you to ever ask me for one. I was ready to throw them away." She pulls out a bag from under the sink. I could feel my heart speeding up. My head was spinning again. I have to grip the counter to keep myself stable. I was definitely scared.

"Does Peeta know why you're here?" She asks as she digs in the bag. I shake my head finding it hard to speak. As the time grew closer to finding it I only grew my scared. "Here." She hands me a box and leaves the bathroom. I close the door and lock it after she leaves. I take deep breathes as my shaky hands open the box. I pull out the pregnancy test and get ready to take it.

After about five minutes - long painful scary minutes I have to check. I reach for the test my hand shaking nonstop. I squeeze my eyes shut and I lift it from the counter. I take a deep breathe and open my eyes. A gasp leaves my lips as I do. It reads positive. I felt like I could throw up again. There's a knock on the door and I unlock it.

"Katniss, are you okay?" Annie asks looking at my pale face. I was scared alright. But some part of me was happy. I look at her and nod. I was fine, just scared. What if something happened? No. Nothing would happen. I just had to look at Little Finnick to know that.

"Are you…" She doesn't have to complete the question. She knew I knew what she was going to ask. I nod a scared smile playing on my lips. "Katniss, there's nothing to be afraid of. I promise. Nothing's going to happen to it." She gives me a reassuring smile and I could feel myself calming down. I nod smiling slightly now.

"Thank you Annie. I have to go tell Peeta now." I hug her before running out of the house. Peeta would be more then thrilled. He unlike me wouldn't be scared. I knew he could help make me feel less afraid. He was good at that. I open the door and call out his name.

"Katniss, is everything alright?" He pulls me into a tight hug and I nod.

"Yes." I smile slightly and pull back. "I have something to tell you." He raises an eyebrow at me as I say this.

"What is it?" He looks over my face probably judging whether it was good or bad.

"Peeta, I'm…" I swallow and a smile spreads across my face as I think of what his reaction will be. "Pregnant." I finally manage to say. The biggest smile spreads across his face and he picks me up spinning me around.

"Really?" He beams and sets me done the smile not decreasing in the least. I nod and smile.

"Yes." He pulls me into another tight hug spinning me around once more. He crushes his lips to mine before pulling back and smiling at me.

"Don't be afraid Katniss. I'm not going to let anything happens. I'll stick with you through it all. You know that. I'm never going anywhere." I smile at this and kiss him once more.

"I love you. So much." He smiles and kisses my forehead.

"I love you too, Katniss. Always have, and always will." I hide my face against his chest smiling as I keep my arms wrapped around him. He was right, there was nothing to be afraid. As long as I had him with me, I wouldn't have to worry about anything.

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**A/N: I'm sorry for all the time skipping I know I do that a lot. But, I hope you like it anyways. :)**


	25. Chapter 25

After I had told Peeta and the excitement had dialed down I decided I should go tell Haymitch. I had found him passed out drunk. Memories of what felt like lifetimes ago hit me. I grin slightly to myself as I grab a small bucket and fill it up with water. I dump it on him and jump back quickly in case he still slept with a knife. He grumbles as he wakes up.

"Haymitch." I turn to the door when I hear the familiar voice. Effie? What was she doing here? "Katniss? What are you doing here?" She beams and rushes up to me pulling me into a hug. I roll my eyes slightly but hug her back.

"What do you want, sweetheart?" he slurs at me. The smell of alcohol hits me as he speaks. I wrinkle my nose the smell unpleasant. I look between him and Effie narrowing my eyes slightly.

"Yes, dear what are you here for?" For some reason this made me laugh a little. I stop myself pressing my lips together as I clear my throat.

"What are you doing here, Effie? I thought you were in the Capitol." She sighs and looks at Haymitch. He shrugs and nods almost as if telling her to continue. I arch an eyebrow confused.

"Truth is. I - I missed you guys. You, Peeta, and Haymitch. We're a team. I'm moving here." She grins widely and my eyes widen. I hadn't expected that coming. I thought Effie was perfectly happy in the Capitol

. "And are you staying, with Haymitch?" She bites her lip and nods. Haymitch and Effie living in the same house would be quite amusing.

"I need someone to keep the house clean." Haymitch slurs. Well that made sense. Of course that would be why Haymitch wanted her to stay. I roll my eyes and laugh slightly again.

"Well, alright." I had almost forgotten why I had really come here until Haymitch asks again.

"Why did you come here and wake me up?" He tosses the bucket just off to the side of me to get his point across that he wasn't happy about it.

"If you're not in a good mood guess I can come back later." I roll my eyes and turn to leave. Effie grabs my arm stopping me. I sigh and turn to them again. "Alright. I wanted to tell you that I'm -" I bite my lip unsure how either of them will react.

"You're what, sweetheart?" Haymitch arches and eyebrow and I finish.

"Pregnant." I purse my lips waiting for their reactions. The silence only lasts a few seconds but it felt like forever.

"Oh, isn't the lovely! Little Katniss's and Peeta's!" Effie beams and hugs me again. What was with the plural.

"It's just one, at least I think so." Hope so I add in mind. One baby was enough for now. I was still worried and still slightly scared.

"That's still wonderful!" I look at Haymitch who still hasn't said anything.

"Congratulations sweetheart." He says with a grin. I smile slightly.

"I better go back. Let you finish moving in." I say to Effie before leaving. It takes a few weeks for Peeta to finally calm me down. After about another week I wake up and walk into the bathroom. I grab a shirt and jeans to change into. As I pull off my pajama shirt I gasp at the small bump on my stomach. I drop the shirt to the floor and turn to the mirror. I stare at the bump wide eyed. I hadn't noticed it before, today it seemed a lot more prominent.

"Katniss…?" Peeta walks into the bathroom. " Aren't you coming down for breakfast?" I nod and turn to him.

"Yeah it's just.." I place my hand on the bump and he smiles.

"Haven't you noticed your stomach growing these past few weeks?" I shake my head. He noticed but I didn't I guess I don't spend too much time looking at myself. He picks up the shirt I had dropped and hands it to me. "Finish getting dressed. I'll be downstairs." He kisses my forehead as I take the shirt in my grasp again. He leaves and I pull the shirt over my head. I would need bigger clothes soon. If Cinna was still around I know he'd make me some in an instant. I purse my lips and push the thought aside.

I change into my jeans quickly before going downstairs. I blink when I see Haymitch, Effie, Greasy Sae, Annie, and little Finnick sitting in the kitchen as well. I hadn't expected everyone to come over for breakfast. I sit down between Peeta and Annie.

"This is why you wanted me to come down so quickly, huh?" I look at Peeta with a small smile and he nods leaning over placing a kiss on my nose.

"We thought we should do something to celebrate." I look down at my stomach as Annie talks wondering how I hadn't noticed before. It seemed so obvious today for some reason. Everyone starts talking and eating. I pull my eyes away from the bump the fear slowly creeping up on me again. What if something happened to mine and Peeta's baby, before it was even born? I had always been afraid to have a kid of my own since I was little. I didn't want to bring a kid into a world with the Hunger Games, but those were over. Gone forever. So why was I still afraid?

Maybe because of the nightmares that I had every night. I was afraid of my daughter, or son going through that. I shake the thought out of my head. Nightmares were inevitable, of course. Not like mine and Peeta's but every now and then anyone would get a nightmare. Little Finnick was alright. I looked over at him as he ate the smile on his face, how happy he was. Unlike Prim, Rue, Peeta, Annie, Myself and so many other kids were just a few years ago.

I eat my food and join in the conversation. There was no reason to live in fear anymore, I needed to let go of all that. It was easier said then done though. After breakfast we all sit around and talk for a while.

"So guys, have you thought of any names for the baby yet?" Greasy Sae asks excitedly. I look at Peeta at the same time he looks at me, we were in sync a lot of the times. I loved it.

"No, not really." I say as I look back at Greasy Sae. I hadn't even thought about names actually, I had been too busy getting over my fear that something would happen to the baby, that something would take him or her away from me. Peeta reassured me hundreds of times that nothing was going to happen. I believed him, but my nightmares caused me to hold on to that fear.

"We'll name her - or him when he or she is born." Peeta says and smiles. I nod in agreement. It would give us time to think. After everyone leaves snow starts falling.

"Everyone left in time." I say as I stare out the window at the snow.

"That they did." Peeta replies as he starts a fire.

"I'll go make hot chocolate." I say as I get up and walk into the kitchen. This felt a lot like the day Peeta and I had finally admitted to have fallen in love with each other all over again. My eyes trail down to the growing bump. I place my hand on my stomach and close my eyes a smile forming on my lips. Peeta was right, there was nothing to be afraid of. I grab cups and fill them with hot chocolate before walking back to the living room.

I walk over to Peeta to find he had put down a blanket and a bunch of pillows for us to curl up on. I smile and hand him his cup before I sit down curling up close to him. I lay my head on his chest setting my cup on the floor next to me. He wraps his arms tightly around me as he presses his lips to the top of my head.

"I love you, Katniss." He whispers slightly. I close my eyes smiling.

"I love you too." I whisper back. I whisper one more thing, "Stay with me."

I could hear the smile in his voice as he replies, "Always."


	26. Chapter 26

As my stomach grew bigger so did my fear, and of course excitement. It's not that I wasn't happy about it but I couldn't help being afraid. Peeta was right it was stupid to be afraid but I couldn't help it. Annie had dug up some of her old shirts and pants from when she was pregnant and gave them to me. I needed bigger clothes as my stomach got bigger.

I wake up to Peeta nudging me awake, "Hey, you got to go the doctor today, remember." He speaks quietly his hand lightly brushing across my forehead to move the hair out of my face. I open my eyes looking up into his blue eyes with a smile. I still couldn't get over how looking into his eyes made me feel. Every time I looked into his eyes my stomach filled with butterflies.

"Oh, yeah," I say as I stretch my arms out in front of me. I sit up and kiss his cheek softly. He places his hand under my chin and turns my head to kiss my lips.

"I'll wait downstairs for you." He kisses my forehead and leaves the room. I slide out of bed my stomach a lot bigger then it was a month ago. It's been four months since I found out I was pregnant. I pull off my pajama shirt placing my hand over my stomach. In about five months this baby would be in mine and Peeta's arms the idea of it made me smile. I pull on a shirt and change into jeans. The size of my stomach almost made me self conscious.

People tend to stare when someone is pregnant and I didn't like it. It didn't help that I was hijacked and pregnant. Well, my hijacking was almost gone but I still turned mutt every now and then. I walk down stairs my arms crossed over my stomach. Peeta holds out his hand and I place one of mine in his leaving the other one over my stomach. He places a kiss on my temple and opens the door.

"Ladies first," he says and smiles at me. I smile back and walk outside keeping hold of his hand. He walks out after me pulling the door shut behind him. We walk to the doctors in silence. Once I'm done at the doctors and the doctor let's me out I walk out and smile at Peeta.

"How'd it go?" He says pulling me into a hug. I wrap my arms around him and rest my chin on his shoulder.

I whisper slightly, "It's a girl." He picks me up and spins me around. Once he sets me down I look at his face to find him beaming. I smile at his excitement. I reach up and crush my lips to his one hand on the back of his neck and my other hand resting lightly on his chest. He winds his arms around my waist kissing me deeply. I pull back and smile widely at him.

"I love you, you know that?" He nods and smiles just as widely.

"I love you too. Always have, always will." I smiles and drop my hand from his neck taking one of his hands in mine. Once we get home I decide to go over to Haymitch and Effie's. I was still trying to get use to the idea of them living together. These were the two people who could barley keep from strangling each other long enough to escort and mentor Peeta and I. I shake my head at the memory.

It felt like so long ago, but it was only a few years ago. I knock on the door but only hear Effie giggling. I arch an eyebrow and walk in. I clear my throat and Haymitch and Effie snap their heads in my direction.

"Am I interrupting something?" I have to press my lips together to keep from laughing. There was something going on with these two I could just tell.

"How's your pregnancy going, dear?" Effie asks her eyes traveling down to my stomach. I bite my lip

"Fine. It's a girl." I smile and Effie beams.

"Well, ain't that wonderful sweetheart. We'll have a baby Katniss running around here," I arch an eyebrow as Haymitch smirks. I couldn't tell if he was being sarcastic or not.

"I just thought I'd tell you. Well, I'll see you guys later." I walk back home wondering what was going on with Effie and Haymitch. Once I get home I walk into the living room to find Peeta on the couch. I sit on his lap laying my head on his shoulder. I place my hand over my stomach as he wraps his arms around me. I yank my hand away from my stomach in surprise when I feel a nudge.

"What is it?" I lift my head and meet Peeta's eyes with mine.

"I - I felt a kick." His eyes light up and he places one hand over my stomach just as I had. I bite my lip as I watch his face wondering if he'll feel it too. His face brightens and I can tell he did.

"Our baby girl," he whispers a smile spreading across his face. I can't help but smile in response.

"All ours." I whisper in reply. He leans down and places a kiss on my stomach which makes me beam. I could only imagine how happy he'd be once the baby is born. The idea made me smile. The next five months go by quite quickly. Quicker then I would've thought. My stomach was quite large at this point. I was getting more nervous every day. The baby would be coming soon.

It had been nine months and the doctor said the baby would be coming any day. I had grown to get use to being pregnant. It wasn't as scary as when I first found out. I was excited, but I was nervous waiting for the baby to come. It probably wasn't good to be nervous but I couldn't help it. One night I wake up from a nightmare. Peeta pulls me into his arms holding me in silence until I calm down.

I take deep breathes as I try to erase the the images from my mind. I close my eyes hiding my face against his chest slowly drifting back to sleep. Just as I'm about to fall asleep I feel a weird twinge and suddenly it felt like I had just gone to the bathroom. I sit up quickly as soon as it occurs to me what just happened.

"Katniss, is everything alright?" Peeta looks at me worried sitting up himself. I look at him my eyes wide with fear my hands shaking nervously and my breathing increasing with happiness.

"My water just broke."


	27. Chapter 27

My eyes flutter open and the memories of a few hours ago come rushing back. I feel an ache as I move and remind myself that the pain of giving birth would be worth it. I move my left hand over my now smaller stomach. It wasn't flat like it had been but that didn't matter. I glance at the IV in my right wrist only slightly aware of the beeping from the monitor next to me. I glance around the room to find it empty. Just as I do my mom walks in. She had come to District 12 to deliver our baby. She had been here for a week waiting for the baby to come. She asked if she could be the one to do it, and I thought it was an amazing idea.

"You're awake," she says lightly and smiles walking out of the room. I was guessing she was going to get Peeta, and the baby. I had seen her but not clean. It suddenly hits me Peeta and I hadn't come up with a name for her. I think through some names tossing around Prim and Rue. Even my mom's name Rose. Peeta walks in with a pink bundle in his arms. The smile on his face was a smile I had only seen the day we got married. The smile that could make me smile in a blink of an eye.

His blue eyes are bright with happiness. He has bags under his eyes from lack of sleep but that didn't keep him from being this happy. Between my nightmare and my going into labor he hadn't gotten much sleep. It was about 5 am when I finally gave birth, and I had gone into labor at about 10:30 pm. It was a long night to say the least. I sit up as he walks over to my bed the nurse right behind him. He places our daughter in my arms and I smile at her sleeping face.

Her cheeks are rosy and her tiny lips are a bright pink and full. Little dark brown hair lays across her head. The same color as my hair. I brush my thumb across her cheek struck by how beautiful she is. At my touch her eyes flutter open. I'm taken aback at her big bright blue eyes framed by long blonde eyelashes. Just like Peeta's. Peeta watches me from the side and I shift my head slightly silently telling him to come join. He walks around to the other side of my hospital bed and kisses my forehead softly before stroking our daughter's cheek.

"My girls," he whispers. I look at him with a soft smile. He was right all along there was nothing to be afraid of. Nothing went wrong. As I look at him I suddenly am at a loss for words for how much I love him. I didn't think it was possible to love someone that much but as I look at our daughter I feel the same amount of love. These two amazing people were my life. I couldn't ask for anything more.

"Do you guys have a name?" the nurse asks softly a genuine smile on her face. I could tell by looking at her this was why she loved her job. Peeta looks at me after she speaks.

"It's up to you," he says a smile still placed on his lips. I didn't think that smile was going anywhere anytime soon, and I was perfectly okay with that. I purse my lips as I stare down at my daughters face. Her innocent features reminding me so much of Prim and Rue. What if I combined the names? PrimRue. I smile at the idea and nod. My voice comes out in a whisper a smile placed perfectly on my lips as I rock my baby back and forth ever so slightly.

"PrimRue Mellark." Peeta leans in kissing my cheek softly.

"I love it." I turn my head slightly and press my lips to his softly and lovingly.

"I'll go get the birth certificate then. Oh, and you have visitors waiting to see you, and PrimRue," the nurse says and smiles walking out of the room. I look between my daughter and Peeta trying to figure out how I deserved a husband like Peeta, who loves me unconditionally, who's always there to hold me after a nightmare, who's been through hell and back with me but never once gave up. I was beyond words for how much I love him.

Then I look at PrimRue and wonder how I deserved her. A beautiful baby girl, that Peeta and I had created and brought into this world. I would keep her safe from the nightmares that haunted Peeta and I. She would never have to know such awful things. I wouldn't let it happen. The first people to come in are Annie and Little Finnick. Little Finnick stares up at PrimRue in wonder and amazement. He reaches his hand up and her little fingers curl around his finger causing a little laugh to leave his lips.

"She's so pretty," Annie whispers softly a soft smile placed on her lips as she looks down at her.

"Want to hold her?" I ask softly arching an eyebrow. Her smile brightens slightly and she nods. She carefully picks PrimRue up into her arms humming some tune I had never heard as she rocks her back and forth slightly in her arms. I look at Peeta his smile still brighter and wider then ever as he watches Annie with our little girl.

"New baby," little Finnick says clapping his hands excitedly. "We be best fwiends," he says just as excitedly. I laugh just slightly smiling down at him. Yes. They could be best friends.

"What's her name?" Annie asks softly and quietly her eyes leaving PrimRue's face to look at Peeta and I.

"PrimRue," I say and she smiles nodding slightly.

"Beautiful name, for a beautiful baby girl," she says as she hands her back to me. I take her in my arms cradling her close to my body. "You have other visitors so I'd better let you see them," she says waving as she walks out the door. The next two people to come in are Haymitch and Effie. I'm taken by surprise at the sober state Haymitch seemed to be in.

"Haymitch, are you actually sober?" I arch an eyebrow a slight surprised laugh escaped my lips as I say this. Peeta even looks at him surprised.

"Well, I didn't want to meet the baby drunk." He rolls his eyes obviously crabby from not having anything to drink.

"I'm impressed," I mutter slightly grinning lightly when he scowls at me. "Would you like to hold her Haymitch?" He beams for a second the quickly drops the beam and nods shrugging. He was trying to come off like this didn't mean anything to him but by his being sober, and that beam I could tell it meant a lot to him. He takes her carefully in his arms a gasp leaving his lips as he looks at her. He smiles whispering to her.

"You have brave, and wonderful parents. They'll love you just as much as they love each other. And that's a lot of love." I smile at his words looking at Peeta as he speaks. Peeta leans in and kisses me lightly. My hand automatically goes to his cheek as his lips touch mine.

"I love you," I whisper to him quickly adding "Always" afterwards. His smile widens and he whispers back.

"I love you too. Forever." I could feel my own smile widen. I turn back to look at Haymitch and PrimRue. It was almost amazing to see Effie's hand placed on one of his shoulders and her peering over his other at my baby. She wasn't dressed in Capitol clothes. She was slowly getting rid of that crazy style. Her blonde wavy hair fell down her back smoothly and she didn't have much makeup on. To my surprise she was in just jeans and a shirt.

"What's her name?" she asks me a smile on her lips.

"PrimRue." I reply and she beams. Haymitch places her back into my arms and smiles.

"You two did a good job." This makes me laugh a little and I look down as PrimRue giggles. I smile almost instantly. Our other visitors included Johanna, Plutarch, and Gale. I hadn't kept in touch with these three much at all so I was amazed to see them. It was nice to see Johanna again, we had grown to be friends after our time spent together in the Capitol and thirteen. She was one of the few people who helped bring me back. Which I would always be grateful for. We end up having to stay in the hospital for another night before they let us leave.

Peeta was going to sleep on the chair in the corner but I had insisted he shared my hospital bed. I slide over to the right side careful not to pull out my IV and he slides in next to me pulling me into his arms. The next day, we walk home PrimRue in my arms cradled close to my body. Once we reach the house Peeta opens the door and turns around picking both me and PrimRue up. I smile up at him as he does. He walks into the house kicking the door shut behind him. He sit's down on the couch, me on his lap and PrimRue in my arms. His arms wrap around me and he smiles.

"Welcome home, PrimRue," he whispers stroking her rosy cheek. She sneezes and we look at each other with a smile. His words remind me of a song. I quietly start singing.

"Deep in the meadow under the willow, a bed of grass a soft green pillow. Lay down your head and close your eyes. And when again they open the sun will rise." As I sing the birds outside fall silent, even when I sung quietly they still stopped to listen.

"Here it's safe, here it's warm,"Her big blue eyes stare up at me in wonder as I continue.

"Here the daises guard you from every harm," A single tear rolls down my cheek as I remember singing this to both Prim and Rue. Now I would sing it to my daughter, PrimRue. "Here your dreams are sweet and tomorrow brings them true, here is the place where I love you." I stop singing as her eyes slide shut. Peeta brushes away the tear with his thumb and I turn my head kissing him softly and with love.

"I don't know what I'd do without you. You and PrimRue are my everything. I love you beyond words," I whisper slightly unsure why I was being so sappy.

"Just remember, I love you more." He smiles and kisses me once more.

"No way," I whisper and he chuckles.

"Think what you want." I smile and lay my head on his shoulder holding PrimRue close to me. This was my family and I love them more then my own life. I would die to keep them safe.


	28. Chapter 28

Unable to fall asleep I slide out of bed careful not to wake Peeta. The window was closed for the first time, Peeta had insisted since the baby's crib was under the window. We left the curtains open the though so the moon shone brightly hitting my daughters face. I place my hands on the railing of the crib peering over into the crib at PrimRue. Her innocent features so beautiful. It was hard to believe I was scared before. Looking over her sleeping figure makes me feel stupid for ever feeling scared.

The birth part was quite painful, but very much worth it. I reach my hand into the crib brushing my hand over rosy cheek lightly. Her eyes open at my touch and I hold my breath waiting for the crying to begin. Instead her big blue eyes stare up at me in wonder. I go to pull my hand back just as her hand reaches up and she wraps her tiny fingers around my pointer finger. I smile down at her. For some reason it seemed she knew not to cry that I needed this moment just between us.

Her eyes stay on my face as I look down at hers. I was still unable to figure out what I had done to deserve her and Peeta. Peeta was more then I deserved and now I had a daughter too. I couldn't think of anything except maybe providing food for my family, and volunteering for my sister that caused me to deserve this. I lean down placing a soft kiss on PrimRue's forehead. I found it amazing that Peeta and I had created, and brought this beautiful baby girl into this world and she was all ours. The idea makes me smile. She releases my fingers and drifts back to sleep. I speak almost inaudibly.

"I love you, PrimRue." I smile and turn back to my bed. I carefully climb back into bed pulling the blanket up to my neck. I curl up closely to Peeta hiding my face against his chest. Even in his sleep his arms wrap automatically around me pulling me closer.

"Stay with me" I whisper slightly and almost silently into his chest.

The word "Always" leaves his lips just as quietly. I smile and lift my head to look at his face. He had a smile on his face while he slept. It was amazing how that sight made me even happier then I was before. It was amazing how much I love him. I bury my face back against his chest closing my eyes and letting myself drift into sleep. It was the first peaceful sleep I've had since our wedding.

I wake up to the smell of bacon and eggs. I sit up looking over at the crib to find that empty as well. I smile and slide out of bed walking downstairs quietly. I walk downstairs to find little Finnick and Annie over.

"Little Finnick wanted to see the new baby again," Annie says once she sees me. I smile and wave. Peeta pulls me in for a hug once I walk into the kitchen. His lips place a soft kiss on the top of my forehead that smile he had while sleeping was still on place on his lips causing me to smile automatically.

"Morning, beautiful," he say quietly his lips still pressed to the top of my head. I smile and pull back meeting his lips with mine.

"Morning." He finishes making breakfast and we eat. Annie and Little Finnick leave once we're done. I grab a bottle and warm up milk for PrimRue while Peeta cleans up. I give her the bottle and watch as she drinks a smile placed lightly on my lips. A little giggle escapes her lips when she's done. I hadn't heard her cry since when I first gave birth to her. Just giggle. Peeta wraps his arms around me from behind as I reach for the empty bottle.

"You're going to be a great mother, you know." He smiles and places a kiss on my cheek. I turn to face him and smile.

"You'll be an even better father." He grins lightly at me and presses his lips to mine kissing me deeply.

"I thought I'd make you some cheese buns while I'm at the bakery today." I smile and kiss his cheek.

"Sounds good." He chuckles and kisses my forehead before going upstairs to get dressed. I clean the bottle and pick up PrimRue. She giggles when I do and I smile at her. I couldn't ask for anything more. I had the love of my life, and now a daughter. Things couldn't get better


	29. Chapter 29

Once Peeta leaves and PrimRue is asleep I walk around the house almost impatiently. I wasn't sure why I felt so restless. I pull myself up onto the counter in the kitchen pursing my lips slightly. I hadn't really gotten back into hunting after everything. Something hits me when I start thinking of hunting and how it use to be my talent.

"Talent." The word leaves my lips almost silently. I walk upstairs quietly careful not to wake PrimRue. My fingers curl around the silver door handle of my closet. I open the door and push back of the clothes that are hanging. My hand reaches for a box I hadn't opened since before the Quarter Quell. I pull it out biting my lip as I do.

My hijacking rarely flared up anymore so I was pretty sure I could handle this. I pull the lid off the top of the box and look inside. My hand brushes across the binder. I purse my lips as I pull it out. I open it slowly to find my 'talent'. The talent Cinna had created for me. Peeta's talent was painting and I didn't really have a talent besides my bow and arrow, and of course my voice so Cinna made me a stylist.

I look over the sketches he had drawn, that everyone thought I had drawn. Looking through the binder gave me an idea. What if I made it a real talent? I know Cinna had intended it to be at one point but he wasn't here anymore. He was just one of the many people I was friend's with who was killed. I flip to the last page taken a back when I find a sticky note. I lift it up reading it. The words bringing tears to my eyes.

"Twirl for me, one last time." I whisper almost inaudibly reading the sticky note out loud.I place the sticky not back into the binder snapping it shut. I look into the box to find all the designing supplies. What was I thinking? There was no way I could be able to do this. I drop the binder softly on the floor next to me and crawl the few feet to the closet. My fingers lock around the cold handle on the chest and I drag it out.

I pop open the hook attaching the top of it to the bottom. Slowly I lift up the lid and let it fall back gently. My hands grasp the silk white fabrics of the wedding dresses Cinna had made me for what was going to be my Capitol wedding. That was the only reason I hadn't used one of these dresses for my wedding. They were suppose to be for the Capitol, not for Peeta and I. Yes I loved him, even then but I didn't want to get married because that's what the Capitol wanted.

I think that's what took me so long to admit I loved Peeta. The Capitol wanted it and I didn't want the Capitol to have what they wanted. Until the decided they had enough of my love for him was I able to admit I loved him. That's what they did wrong they gave me the freedom to say I love him without having to listen to the Capitol cheer. I explained that to Peeta one night after we had finally admitted to being in love all over again.

I don't think we ever fell out of love I think we just needed to rebuild that relationship in the new world, no cameras, no mentors, no crowds, just us. I drop the fabric back into the box not wanting to look at them anymore. I close the chest quickly and slide it back into the closet. My eyes land on the binder and box again. I purse my lips before placing the binder back into the box and putting on the lid. I kick the closet door shut and carry the box downstairs. I set it on the coffee table and stare at it for a while.

I reach for it just when I hear PrimRue starting to cry. I sigh slightly and walk upstairs quickly. I change her diaper and lay her back in her crib. Her blue eyes stare up at me and her hands reach up like she was wanting me to pick her up. I reach in picking her up again. She lays her head on my shoulder, thumb in her mouth her blue eyes still on me. I smile and with one of my hands I smooth down her short brown hair. I walk downstairs keeping her in my arms.

I sit down on the couch placing her in my lap. She looks up at me and reaches for my hair. I pull my hair behind my back before she can reach it. I kiss her forehead and shake my head. I didn't want her to get in the habit of pulling hair. Peeta comes home a few minutes after PrimRue falls asleep in my arms. He looks at us and smiles brightly. I smile back and whisper lightly.

"Hey." He walks over to me and reaches down kissing my lips softly.

"Hey, beautiful." My cheeks suddenly become a light shade of pink as he calls me beautiful. His thumb strokes across my cheek softly

"I love when you blush," he says just before kissing my cheek. A smile spreads across my face and he leans down kissing PrimRue's forehead. I reach up brushing flour off of him forehead. "I'm going to take a shower," he says kissing me once more before going upstairs. I walk upstairs a couple minutes after him laying PrimRue down in her bed before going back downstairs.

About fifteen minutes later Peeta comes back down and pulls me into his strong arms. My arms automatically wind around and I hide my face against his neck. His lips press onto the top of my head. I close my eyes a smile placed lightly on my lips.

"How was your day?" He mumbles against my head pulling back to look at me.

"It was okay." I nod looking up into his blue eyes

"How about yours?" He smiles kissing my forehead.

"Busy. It's nice to be home." He wraps him arms around my waist pulling me in closer and my arms snake around his neck loosely. He swoops me up into his arms and carries me into the kitchen. "I made you some cheese buns." He grins at me and I can't help but grin back. He places me on the counter tossing me a cheese bun and starts making dinner. I watch him pull out the meat for hamburgers and watch him cook it.

I was still amazed at his many talents. Once and a while he looks at me and grins while cooking. PrimRue starts crying and I know it's time to feed her. I hop off the counter my feet landing with an almost silent thud. I quickly go upstairs and grab PrimRue taking her back downstairs. I give her a bottle as Peeta and I eat. As I eat I look between my daughter and my husband. I loved them more then absolutely anything. I would die to keep these two safe. I promised myself that.


	30. Chapter 30

I wake up to the smell of breakfast a smile spreading across my face as I slide of out bed my feet landing on the floor softly. I walk downstairs straight into the kitchen where I know I'll find Peeta. I had found PrimRue in her bed fast asleep so I decided not wake her. I walk into the kitchen to find him already done making breakfast. The table was set with the food, some roses and a little box. I feel his strong arms snake around me from behind his chin resting on my shoulder. I smile and turn my head to look at him.

Just as I do he kisses my cheek and whispers in my ear, "Happy Anniversary". My smile widens and I turn in his arms to face him. I wrap my arms around his neck closing my eyes as I kiss him softly.

"Happy Anniversary," I whisper against his lips. I open my eyes as I pull back slightly smiling at him. His blue eyes look into mine for a second before he kisses me once again.

"So, Annie and Little Finnick are going to come over and watch PrimRue so you and I can go somewhere." He smiles and kisses my forehead.

"Where would that be?" I ask arching a curious eyebrow a smile still in place on my lips.

"It's a surprise." He taps my nose and leads me to the table. He hands me the little box.

"For you," he says with a smile. I take it with a smile and open it. Inside is a pearl ring. I look closely at the pearl to see it's the pearl he had given me during the quarter quell, the pearl that had helped me hold on to the part of me that was real during my hijacking. I gasp slightly as the memories with this pearl come back to me. Curled up in a hospital bed clutching the pearl to me as I tried to figure out if I love Peeta or hated him. Kissing Peeta on the beach in the games, the kind of kiss that made me want another.

"You like it?" He asks as he takes a bite of toast and I look up at him smiling.

"I love it," I reply. I pull the ring out of the box and slide it onto my right hand ring finger. "Thank you." He smiles brightly at me and continues to eat. I look at it once more before I start to eat. Now I would always have the pearl with me. We finish eating breakfast just as Annie and Little Finnick come over.

"Go get dressed." Peeta kisses my forehead before starting to clean up. I go upstairs and pick up PrimRue kissing her forehead as she blinks her big blue eyes at me. She giggles and pats my hair. I smile and lay her back in bed. I go to my closet and pull out a ruffled blue tank top and white jeans. I change quickly and brush my hair out letting it fall freely the brown waves framing my face. I pull on black sandals before going back downstairs. Peeta smiles widely at me.

"You look beautiful," he says as he pulls me into his arms. "Thank you Annie," he says and she smiles nodding in return. He takes my hand and we walk outside. He stops on the porch and grabs a small bag from behind the chair on the porch. I arch a questioning eyebrow at him as he grabs it.

"We're staying overnight, since we're going to another district." He flashes me a smile and starts walking my fingers still intertwined with his.

"Which district?" I ask as we walk towards the train station. The districts had decided to build a train station after the rebellion so people could travel to other districts.

"Four." Annie's and Finnick's district. I couldn't figure out why we were going there. We hadn't been there before, it didn't have much significance to us. The train ride only takes an hour once we're there he leads me towards the beach and I suddenly understand. The night in the quarter quell it had become clear that I loved him just as much as he loved me. We walk to the end of the beach to find it private.

"Annie got the mayor to let us have part of the beach to ourselves, and we get to use the beach house," He points towards it and I look at amazed. We walk inside to put the bag of our stuff down. There's a small living room with a fireplace and an even smaller kitchen. One bathroom and of course a bedroom. It was small, but perfect. He sets the bag down on the couch and grabs a towel.

"Want to go on the beach?" He asks smiling at me. I nod and take his hand in mine intertwining our fingers. He smiles and walks with my onto the beach. We sit on the towel talking until the sun starts setting. I hold my hand out for his as I stand up and he arches a questioning eyebrow but takes my hand standing up anyways. I kick off my sandals and run towards the ocean with Peeta following behind me.

He scoops me up wedding style before we reach the water and runs into the ocean to his knees. He tosses me in lightly and I come up laughing. I run my hands over my face getting the water out of my eyes. I grab his hand pulling him with me as I go under the water. We both come up and laugh. I wipe my hands across my face against before opening me eyes. He pulls me in and kisses me deeply. I wrap my arms around his neck tangling my fingers in the back of his wet hair.

His arms wrap around my waist pulling me in even closer. The waves crash around our legs our lips staying locked together. The same kind of kiss we have in the quarter quell, the long, lingering kiss that only made me want more. When our lips finally break apart he picks me up and carries me back to the beach. He sets me on the towel before sitting next to me. I lay my head on his shoulder as he wraps his arm around my shoulders holding me close. We watch the sunset in silence. A smile placed on my lips the whole time. The whole time the feeling of when I fell in love with him for real during the quarter quell washing over me.

I didn't think I could love him more, but here I was falling in love with him even deeper then before. I lift my head once the sun is down and look at him. He turns his head and looks into my eyes. I lean in and kiss him softly at first. My arm goes to the back of his neck as the kiss deepens. He pulls away and stands up scooping me up into his arms. Our lips meet again and he starts walking to the beach house. He kicks the door open with his foot his lips never leaving mine. He closes the door with his foot as well and walks to the bedroom. He lays me on the bed and the rest of our night is spent there.


	31. Chapter 31

I wake up a sigh of happiness leaving my lips as I open my eyes. The smell of the ocean wafts in through the open window causing a smile to break out across my face. I slide of out bed Peeta's shirt falling down half way above my knees. I change into a red v neck shirt and black jeans. I look in the mirror memories of last night resurfacing.

After we had eaten dinner; me dressed in only his shirt, and Peeta in just pajama pants he had turned off all the lights, and lit candles and the fireplace. He handed me a dandelion and whispered, "I would've gotten you roses, but I know you don't like them, and I thought these would have more meaning," he said and smiled at me.

I set them on the table as he turned towards the stereo. I arched my eyebrow in question as he did so. The song I'll Be There For You filled the room within seconds. Once it had started he turned to me and pulled me close his arms wrapped around my waist, my arms instantly wrapped about his neck in return. We slowly danced in circles to the beat of the song. He leaned in his mouth just inches from my ear his breathe hitting the back of my neck. I closed my eyes as I put my head against his chest and he started singing along quietly.

"I'll be there for you, these five words I swear to you. When you breathe I want to be the air for you. I'll be there for you." I smiled wider as he sung along knowing he meant the lyrics for me. "I live and I'd die for you, I'd steal sun from the sky for you. Words can't say what love can do. I'll be there for you." I lifted my head from his chest and met his lips with mine. His right hand left my waist and went to the back of my neck pressing his lips to mine more passionately. When we finally pulled away I looked at him as the song slowly faded out.

"So, what do you want to do know?" I whispered my eyes locked with his deep blue eyes unable to tear my gaze away from his, not that I wanted to. What he said next brought back a whole flood of memories from just before the Quarter Quell.

"I want to spend every possible minute of the rest of my life with you," he said as he brought his lips to mine once again. Suddenly my mind flashes to the day we had spent on the roof in the Capitol. Feeling like we were the only two people in the world. That's what I had felt like just then. I had replied with something I remembered him telling me that same day.

"I wish I could freeze this moment, right here, right now, and live it forever." He smiled widely as I said this.

"Okay," he replied just as I had. We grinned at each other for a second before I met his lips with mine once again.

"I love you," I whispered against his lips. "More than Haymitch loves alcohol." I added. He smiles and added.

"More than Annie loves Finnick," he winked at me causing me to grin in response.

"More than Effie loves mahogany" This caused him to chuckle. He scooped me up wedding style and carried me to the bedroom.

I open my eyes to find a smile painted on my lips. I brush my hair the smile still in place when I walk out of the bedroom to find Peeta setting the table with breakfast. My feet hit the wood floor dully, but loud enough to cause him to look up. A smile that matched my own spreads across his face.

"Morning, beautiful. Just in time for breakfast." He pulls out a chair and gestures for me to sit. This for some reason causes me to blush lightly. His hand brushes across my cheek as he notices it.

"How did you sleep?" I ask as he sits down. I take a bite of the omelet still amazed he could make food taste this good.

"Great. Didn't have one nightmare. How about you?" he replies before taking a bite of his own food.

"Same." I reply and he flashes me a breathtaking smile.

"Ready to come home today?" he asks raising a curious eyebrow at me.

"One part of me wants to just stay here, but PrimRue is back home," I say grinning at him.

"We could have Annie drop her off," he says with a wink causing a light laugh to escape my lips.

"Don't tempt me, Mellark." I reply winking back which causes him to chuckle. Once we finish breakfast he tells me to go pack up our things while he cleans up. I walk to the bedroom still lost in the happiness of last night. Just like the day on the roof in the Capitol it was like we were the only two people in the world. I loved it, but I wanted to see PrimRue. I missed my daughter, and I know he missed her too.

I finish packing the two bags and sit on the bed. He walks into the room not too long afterwards and pulls me into his arm. His lips press softly to my forehead causing a smile to spread across my lips at the touch of his lips against my skin.

"I love you," he whispers.

"I love you too" He places his hands on either side of my face his blue eyes starring deep into mine.

"Always have, and I always will. You're my everything." My smile widens as I stare back into his eyes.

"You know the same goes for you. Even when I was hijacked, I was always fighting to get back to you." His smile widens to match my own and he kisses me deeply until we both need air.

"Let's go home to our daughter," he says kissing my forehead before grabbing the bags.

"That sounds like a great idea," I say as he grabs my hand with his free hand. We get home about two hours later slowly the feeling of it just being him, and me fading away. I was okay with it though, we were going home to PrimRue. He sets the bags down on the porch and I arch a questioning eyebrow at him. He chuckles as he notices.

"I'll get those later," just as he finishes saying this he scoops me up into his arms again taking me by surprise. He somehow manages to open the door even with me in his arms and carries me into the house. He sets me down and flashes me a grin. Without hesitating I return his grin. Annie walks downstairs PrimRue in her arms and Little Finnick behind her.

"Did you guys have fun?" Peeta and I exchange glances before nodding in unison. Annie laughs quietly before handing PrimRue over to me. "She was just fine." Annie says knowing what I was about to ask. PrimRue looks up at me with her big blue eyes her brown hair laying messily on the top of her head. She giggles slightly and pats down the hair on my shoulder. I smile down at her. Peeta looks at us from the side, I could see the smile on his face as he watches me with our daughter. It was something he never thought he'd see, and I know he enjoyed it almost more than anything.

"Thank you so much, Annie," he says turning to look at her now. I smile continuing to watch PrimRue play with my hair.

"No problem." She replies her voice quiet and calm as usual. I look up as Peeta bends down to eye level with Little Finnick.

"How are you, little buddy?" I smile at his nickname for Little Finnick.

"I ish good," he replies and pats Peeta's head. Annie looks at the two of them as well a soft smile on her lips.

"Well, Finnick we should go and let them spend some time with PrimRue." He nods and Peeta stands up straight. He walks over to me and stares up at PrimRue. I bend down so he can see her better.

"Bye, PrimRue," he says and kisses her cheek. This causes me to smile widely.

"I'll see you later, Katniss" Annie says as she leaves.

"Bye, Annie. Thank you," I reply just before she walks out the door.

"Anytime," she says and leaves. Peeta takes PrimRue and I watch them. The smile on his lips, the happiness in his eyes. I watch a smile painted across my lips at the sight of my two favorite people in the world. The two people I would die for. The thought reminds me of the lyrics Peeta had sung to me last night 'I live and I'd die for you'. That about hit home for me. I love both of them with everything I got.

* * *

**A/N: Gah. It's been forever since I updated and this chapter is written terribly. I remember when i wrote it I had the worst headache. So, I'm sorry for taking so long to update and for the sucky writing of this chapter. The next chapter should be better. :)**


	32. Chapter 32

~A few months later~

Peeta and I had just put PrimRue to bed and since it was snowing we decided to sit in front of the fire. I sit cross legged on a pile of blankets and pillows Peeta had put down for us. My hands wrapped around the warm mug full of hot chocolate. My eyes on the hypnotizing fire in front of us. I watch the orange and red flames flicker and dance inside the fire pit. I lay my head on Peeta's shoulder and his arm goes around me instantly.

We sit silently both mesmerized by the fire. My mind fills with memories. Some good, some bad, and some I didn't know if they were hijacked memories or not. I had mostly learned to control myself at this point when memories like that hit me. Peeta let's out a soft sigh so I lift my head from his shoulder to look at him.

"Something wrong?" I ask as I tear my eyes away from the fire to look at him. The flames cast shadows across his face. He look distracted as he turned his head to look at me.

"It's just -" He shakes his head causing me to arch an eyebrow. What was bothering him?

"Peeta…It's just what?" He looks me his expression looked conflicted almost like he was deciding whether or not it was a good idea to say something.

"I was just thinking, and I was wondering what they did to you in the…" he trails off and looks away back at the fire. Why was he wondering about this now? I bite my lip as the memories come rushing back. I take a deep breath.

"They did a lot." He turns his head back to me, his blue eyes searching my face. I swallow and look down. "I hadn't realized they had done this, they must've done it when I was passed out. They wanted to give me one more scar." My voice fills with venom and hatred as I speak the last sentence. Weren't the scars I had from the whip enough?

I set my mug of hot chocolate on the coffee table behind us before re-positioning myself so I'm turned towards him. I move my hand to pull the sleeve of my shirt up over left my shoulder. I turn my left arm so the my palm is facing up. Using my right hand pointer finger I touch the very beginning of a scar on my shoulder blade. He turns to me now leaning in closer. It was a light scar but if you really looked you could see it clearly.

I trail my finger down the scar from my shoulder blade down my forearm and all the way to my palm. My finger stays on the end of the scar my eyes fixed on the scar. It took me a couple months to discover the scar myself. I was sure they had done it when I was being hijacked so I'd forget about. So, if they did lose they knew I would find the scar eventually. So they had a chance to make me suffer just one more time. It was cruel and awful, but that's exactly how the Capitol was. Cruel and awful. My eyes raise to Peeta's face his face is masked with shock as he looks upon the scar.

"Katniss.." I move my finger from my scar and press it to his lips.

"Shh." He didn't have to say anything. He leans in and presses his lips to the top of my scar and trails kisses all the way down the scar holding the palm of my hand to his lips for a few seconds.

"I'm sorry." I look up at him in surprise.

"This isn't your fault." He lets go of my hand and raises my head to look at me.

"I shouldn't have let you leave my side in the arena that night. I still regret it. I always will. I don't care if you say it's okay, it's not." I shake my head and open my mouth to object. He puts his finger to my lips now stopping me. "But, I'm most sorry for not killing Snow. When I heard he had taken you to the Capitol and when I had seen you in that last interview -" he trails off closing his eyes. I watch as the pain of the memory registers on his face. He opens his eyes and brushes his hand across my collar bone, my cheek, and my arms."The bruises on your collar bone, your cheeks, your arms, the tortured look on your face. I promised myself I would kill him for doing that to you, but I didn't You deserved to see him die, but you didn't I'm sorry." I shake my head and lean in kissing his lips softly.

"That's not all they did," I whisper as I pull back. "I have a scar from the whip straight down my spine," I pull up my pants to reveal the scar straight across my ankle on my right leg. "On my ankle, and on my side." He stares at the scar for a moment and I could see how much he wished that I didn't have that to show.

"I'm sorry." I shake my head.

"It's not your fault, you didn't know that was going to happen. Stop blaming yourself." I look him dead in the eye to make sure he knew I was serious.

"Katniss, when I have nightmares most of them are seeing you in the Capitol…being tortured" he looks back at the fire and I sigh.

"That doesn't mean it's your fault." He kisses me with more force then I had expected. My arm wraps around his neck as I kiss him with just as much force. We pull back when PrimRue starts crying.

"I've got it. Go to bed, I'll join you when I'm done." He kisses my forehead and heads upstairs. I turn my arm over one more time to look at the scar. I would never escape the memories. I have scars to make sure I remember. My memory reminds me at nights. Even with Peeta there, the nightmares still come, but his arms comfort me. They keep me sane. I head upstairs and fall asleep quickly.

The next morning we have Haymitch and Effie over for breakfast. They wanted to see PrimRue. PrimRue's hair had grown to shoulder length. It was wavy and brown just like mine. She was bigger now and starting to crawl. She was trying to form words now as well. Effie looked like a normal person now too. No more crazy capitol styles she let her natural blonde hair fall down her back instead of concealing it with a wig. She hardy even wore makeup anymore.

Haymitch was completely under PrimRue's spell, she had quickly become one of his favorite people. With her big blue eyes, full pink lips, dark brown wavy hair, and innocent, beautiful features it was hard not to love her. Peeta's always telling me how much she looks like me and how much she reminds him of me. Peeta, Effie, and I sit on the couch while Haymitch sits on the floor with PrimRue. My legs lay across Peeta's lap his fingers intertwined with mine.

"You two are wonderful parents, and an amazing couple," Effie beams as she looks at us. My cheeks turn a light shade of pink and Peeta looks at me with a smile. He leans over and kisses my light pink cheek.

"I love her more than anything," Peeta says still smiling at me. This causes my cheeks to burn a brighter shade of pink. He chuckles when they do. I roll my eyes and push his arm playfully.

"Yeah, but I love him more." This time I laugh and he shakes his head. We look over to Haymitch playing with PrimRue. She opens her mouth trying to say something.

"Uncle Haymwitch," she says in a light lyrical voice. Peeta and I look at each other in amazement and shock. I look to Haymitch his expression was something I had never seen on him before. He picks up PrimRue into his arms and smiles genuinely down at her. Not the sarcastic drunken smile he usually has. This was a real smile. A smile I had seen only a few times. When I had asked him to walk me down the aisle for my wedding, when PrimRue was born, and now. He was only slightly drunk at the moment but there wasn't a trace of it in his smile.

"I love you, sweetheart," he says and kisses her forehead. She stares up at him with her big blue eyes blinking repeatedly her long blonde eyelashes making her eyes look just as amazing as Peeta's eyes. She giggles slightly and he sets her back down. Haymitch stands up and looks at us. "I'll be right back. I've got to do something," he says and starts walking towards the door. Peeta and I exchange confused glances before I get up and follow him across the street to his house.

"What are you doing, Haymitch?" I ask arching an eyebrow as I watch him collect all his alcohol.

"What are you doing here, sweetheart?" He looks at me irritated.

"Answer me," I reply crossing my arms across my chest stubbornly. He sighs in defeat and looks at all the alcohol on the counter in front of him.

"Fine. I can't drink anymore." This takes me back and for a second I'm not sure what to say.

"What?" is all I manage to get out still in shock at his words. For as long as I have known him alcohol was like his best friend.

"I can't drink anymore. No, it's not that I can't it's that I don't want. I only drank to drown out the pain of the games, of letting Maysilee die, or having my family and the girl I loved killed. But, now…I have Effie, You, Peeta, Annie, and of course PrimRue. PrimRue saying my name as her first words just made me realize. I have all of this to forget about all of that. You and Peeta never once turned to alcohol to drown out the pain, and you two have been through more than anyone I know. More than I have. You two turn to each other. When a memory hits either one of you and fills you with pain you go to each other, and that's all you need. Now, I realize I can do that too." I look at him in shock for a second before I walk over and give him a hug. He freezes in shock before he hugs me back. "Thank you sweetheart."

"No, thank you" I say and smile. He smiles back, genuine just like he had at PrimRue. Peeta and Effie walk in the door PrimRue in Peeta's arms. I walk over to Peeta and explain to him while Haymitch explains to Effie. Peeta sets PrimRue down on the floor in the living room. All four of us dump Haymitch's alcohol supply down the drains and throw the bottles out. That was it. That was the end of Haymitch's drinking days all because PrimRue has spoken his name.


	33. Chapter 33

I step out onto the porch the calm wind blowing my hair. Peeta steps out behind me PrimRue asleep in his arms. He presses him lips to my temple and I close my eyes. This one day a year was the hardest to keep my hijacking under control.

"It'll be okay, Katniss," he whispers softly his breath tickling my temple. I turn into him, my face hidden against his neck. He was still so patient with me. The air isn't as light and calm as normal. The air was filled with the same feeling it was filled with whenever it was time for another reaping, only this wasn't a gathering waiting and dreading to see who would be picked to fight to the death. No, this was to honor those who died in the games, and during the rebellion. It's so hard for me to watch the videos of the rebellion, of Rue dying and the pictures of my sister, Finnick and Cinna.

All the people I loved, and cared about who were taken from this world forever. Every time I'm reminded of my time spent in the capitol, being kicked, whipped, burned, cut, tortured in every way the Capitol felt would be right. All to break Peeta. Peeta refused to let the Capitol see how much the pain they inflicted on me hurt him. It would have been the same for me had roles been reversed, but I didn't even want to think about that. I take a deep breathe and pull away from Peeta.

"Peeta, if I -" he cuts me off by pressing his lips to mine gently.

"I know Katniss. I love you too. I always have and I always will. The hijacking wasn't your fault and I know that." A smile creeps across my lips slightly. Anyone else would have given up on me the day I tried to kill them, but that never stopped him. He never gave up, he fought for me and brought the real me back. No, I wasn't the same person I was before the first games, I would never be. I wasn't the same five year old girl he fell him love with. The twelve year old starving girl he burnt the bread and took a beating for. Even then, he loves me unconditionally and I love him more than anything.

"We should go," he says pecking my lips takes my hand with his free hand. His other arm wrapped around our sleeping daughter. I didn't want to bring her but Peeta made the argument that she wasn't even a year. She wouldn't understand. I wanted to protect her from the horrors that Peeta and I have seen and lived through. To protect her from the nightmares that will forever haunt Peeta and I. Being the reason someone is dead is a terrible feeling, - no worse then terrible.

A feeling that never goes away. The deaths of Marvel and Glimmer were on my hands. People I didn't even know. People who like me were just trying to get back home, killing to save their own lives. People who were taught growing up that being in the games is an honor, that you must train and to bring honor to your district you must fight in the games and win. Kill with no mercy. It wasn't their fault their dead. It's mine. I would have to live with that forever.

Or holding a twelve year old Rue in my arms as she died, that's a feeling that never goes away as well. The helplessness of not being able to save her life. PrimRue would never have to go through that, I promised myself this. We start walking towards the square walking in silence. We find Annie and little Finnick sitting in the front. I sit down next to Annie holding Peeta's hand tighter. He leans and whispers in my ear.

"I'm right here. I won't let you lose it. I promise," he leans his forehead against my temple.

"Thank you," I say almost inaudibly. He kisses my temple and pulls away. I look over at PrimRue sleeping peacefully in his arms still. Her wavy brown hair falling freely to her shoulders. The mayor walks up the the front of the stage and calls for our attention over the microphone. PrimRue's eyes flutter open and she looks up at Peeta with her big blue eyes curiously.

"We're here to honor those who have lost their lives so viciously in the games, and during the rebellion. the Capitol gave us the punishment of the Hunger Games for out first attempt at a rebellion. Forcing one young man and woman between the ages of twelve and eighteen to fight to the death. It wasn't until Katniss Everdeen volunteered to take the place of her sister did Panem see it's first spark of hope, in seventy four years. When she covered Rue in flowers after she died, District Eleven started an uprising.

"When she and Peeta Mellark held out those nightlock in defiance to go home without on another it sparked a rebellion further. When the Capitol decided to the seventy-fifth games tributes would be picked from previous winners, the Districts got twice as mad at the Capitol. When Peeta and Katniss were both sent back into the arena even the Capitol citizens objected. Their love had become something the Capitol became involved in.

"Katniss was to be our Mockingjay until the Capitol took her into their hands. Peeta stepped up to be the mockingjay. Katniss's torture and pain caused him pain, but he managed to stay strong. Soon we had won the rebellion. Now we are safe from the Capitol's harm. No more games, no more starvation." The mayor finishes speaking and sits down on a chair placed on the stage. Effie walks forward and talks about the video. Once she sits down the large screen lights up.

My hand has gripped Peeta's tighter at this point. Afraid to let go. My sister's name flashes up on the screen. Primrose Everdeen. The video of the reaping plays up until I volunteer, It was ironic almost. I volunteered to keep her safe, but in the end she died anyways. Not one part of me regrets volunteering though. If I hadn't she'd have died sooner, we'd still have the games, and what makes me almost most glad I did, was Peeta.

I kept him alive, and I fell in love with him. If I hadn't volunteered would he had built up the courage to talk to me? I'm not sure, but because of my choice to volunteer I met him and he happened to be the best thing that ever happened to me and will ever happen to me. If I had to go through all that torture again to keep him and my daughter safe, I would. He and my daughter are my life.

When Rue's death comes on screen I have to hide my face against Peeta's arm. I still couldn't watch it, and I probably never could. His arm wraps around my shoulder holding me close to him. He rubs my arm soothingly and kisses the top of my head. I look up to see Cato's death. The screams, Peeta bleeding to death slowly both of us huddled in the same jacket shaking, freezing, and scared. I drop my head into my hands. Had I not been hijacked I could probably watch it easier.

I look up and glance down the row to see a girl starring straight as me. Her long straight blonde hair framing her face. She has a smile on her face but her snake eyes are too familiar. I couldn't put my finger on who this girl was or why she looked familiar. I could feel my hands starting to shake already. Peeta takes my hands between his when he realizes they're shaking. I close my eyes taking deep breaths fighting the nightmares of all the altered memories trying to surface. Peeta leans in and whispers in my ear.

"It's okay, Katniss. Remember, I love you," his words make the memories fade but my hands continue to shake. I run through the facts in my mind. _My name is Katniss Everdeen. I live in District Twelve. I'm in love with Peeta Mellark. I have a daughter. I was in the Hunger Games twice_. My hands are barley shaking now. After an hour of the video it finally ends. I sigh in relief my hands still shaking slightly. The girl who had been staring at me stands up.

"What about my grandfather?" We all turn towards her. I arch an eyebrow wondering who her grandfather was. "Grandpa Snow," she says. Then it hits me. Her snake eyes sending me back to when I was in the Capitol. Snow gripping my hands so tightly it caused me to whimper. His snake eyes staring into mine as he demanded to know what I knew about the rebellion. Suddenly I'm shaking even worse.

Now Peeta wraps me in his arms. Annie had taken PrimRue from Peeta holding her while he helped me keep a grip on myself. My hands are hiding my face even though I'm pressed up against his chest. Everyone's taken by surprised as what she said sinks in. Peeta's whispering soothing things in my ear trying to get me to stop shaking. Everyone around us murmurs in shock and some in disgust someone would even consider Snow's death being honored.

"Are you okay?" Peeta whispers and I shake my head. I was having issues getting the memories from the Capitol out of my head.

"He is the reason everyone in this video is dead." She scowls and sits down. She couldn't object to that. Peeta's calming words and tight embrace bring me back. Once I'm done shaking he leans in and kisses me deeply.

"I love you," I whisper. He smiles and kisses my nose.

"I love you too." I was finally calm but the fact that Snow's granddaughter is here doesn't comfort me. She couldn't get away with trying anything and now that everyone knows who she is she would be watched carefully. I grab PrimRue from Annie and take Peeta's hand. I was more then ready to go home, and get out of here.


	34. Chapter 34

I lay in bed my mind too awake for me to get any sleep. Peeta's arms are wrapped tightly around me which of course was comforting it helped keep me calm. I couldn't get the look Snow's granddaughter had in her eyes and on her face as she looked at me. The smile on her face made to look taunting by her eyes. I could see the hate in her eyes. Did she blame me for his death? Well, I guess my actions led up to his death, but it still didn't seem fair to blame me.

Although, I would rather her hate me than hate Peeta. She could have something against me all she wants but if she ever had a thought about harming Peeta...Just the thought makes my jaw clench. If she were to ever try harming Peeta or PrimRue I wouldn't hesitate to send an arrow through her heart. Just as I had with Marvel when he killed Rue. But this would be different. I love Peeta and PrimRue with every part of me. I would die to keep them safe.

Yes, I did love Rue but not like I love these two. I shake the thoughts out of my head curling up closer to Peeta my face hidden against his chest. Her arms tighten around me as I get closer. I shut my eyes trying to turn off my mind. I slip into unconsciousness quicker then I thought I would. My dreams are nightmares just as I had suspected they would be.

I find myself in the games running from the mutts. Peeta far behind me. I turn uncomfortably in my sleep. As I run in my dream the cornucopia only seems to get farther away and the mutts descend on Peeta. Just before the mutt is about to attack his and I scream out and my nightmare shifts to being the Capitol. I'm laying on the cold floor, my own blood smeared all across the floor.

"This is Peeta's fault, sweetheart," the same peacekeeper hisses at me.

"No it's not," I answer breathlessly my entire body aching in pain and dripping with blood. He grins at me before slamming his foot down on my ankle. I scream out in pain as I hear the bone snap. I'm gasping for breath the pain making it hard to breathe.

"Katniss..." he hisses my name just as the whip lands on my hip drawing ever more blood. A cry of pain escapes my lips and I'm sobbing.

"Please. Just kill me," I cry out in between sobs. I was sobbing in pain and helplessness. He pulls out the knife and slowly presses it into the tip of my shoulder blade - right where the scar I actually have starts. The pressure of the blade in my arm makes me cry out. He slowly trails the knife down my arm. Suddenly I hear my name being repeated and the pain stops.

I wake up real tears running down my face. Peeta brushes the tears from my face but more tears replace them.

"Peeta..." I choke out his name before I start sobbing and shaking. He sits up and pulls me into his arms while I cry. I hide my face against his chest. I couldn't help but cry with the thoughts I had before I fell asleep, and everything from early that day, plus this nightmare.

"Shh," Peeta says tightening his arms around me.

"Peeta," I choke out his name again. I take deep breathes calming myself. He has his lips pressed firmly to my temple.

"I'm right here Katniss. I'm not going anywhere. I promise." These words make my sobbing stop. Tears still run down my face but I'm able to speak now.

"I'm so sorry I woke you up." I press my hands to my face wiping my face clear of tears.

"Don't be sorry." I shake my head to object but he leans down and places a soft kiss on my lips in reassurance. I don't know what I would do without him. He goes to pull away but I put my hand on the back of his neck and meet his lips with mine again. His hand moves a piece of hair from my face just before he pulls away. "You never have to be sorry about that. Okay?" I nod and curl into his chest. "Are you ready to try to sleep again? If not I'll stay up with you. I don't -" I cut him off my pressing my finger to his lips.

"No, it's fine. It was just a nightmare." I nod and glance at my scar. His eyes follow where mine go and he sighs. He pulls my hand up to his lips and kisses my palm, right on the end of my scar. "Thank you," I whisper. He gives me a smile and pulls me back under the blankets. I curl up close to him his arms wrapping protectively and tightly around me. I drift into sleep and surprisingly don't have a dream after that.

I wake up to Peeta still asleep and slide out of his arms careful not to wake him. I do something I hadn't done since the hijacking. I pull on my hunting jacket, jeans, and my hunting boots braiding back my hair. I stare at myself in shock in the mirror. This was a clear image of the old Katniss. The sixteen year old girl who hadn't even been effected by the games yet.

I write Peeta a note and grab my bow and arrow before heading out to the woods. I hadn't been in these woods since mine and Peeta's honeymoon. But that wasn't for hunting. I pull my quiver of arrows on to my back as I make my way towards the woods. Once I'm in the woods I slow my pace and make sure to walk quietly. It takes a few tries until I'm as quiet as I use to be.

I scan the trees and the ground for any sign of animals. Once my eyes lock on a squirrel up in a tree I pull an arrow from my quiver. The wind blows around me slightly. Only strong enough to make a few leaves rustle. I slide the arrow into the bow taken back by the easiness of it. Almost like I had never stopped. I take a deep breath and concentrate on nothing but the squirrel and my bow. Once I let the arrow fly it hits the squirrel right in the eye, just like I had always done.

A slight grin of triumph crosses my face. I almost felt like the old Katniss I use to be, except happier and in love and someone with a family. It was a nice feeling. I knew I wasn't the old Katniss, I never would be, and I had excepted it and I was more than happy. I have Peeta and PrimRue, I couldn't ask for more. So, feeling almost like the old me was strange. I had grown to be okay with the fact that I was hijacked, and will always be. The feeling faded quickly though.

I still enjoyed this. I was the new me, almost a better me. I hunt for a little bit longer shooting a couple rabbits and another squirrel. The woods always use to make me feel safer then anywhere, but now Peeta's arms were the one place I felt safest. I grab my game and walk back home satisfied with what I got. I return home a smile on my face, completely recovered from the day before. Peeta notices the smile and smile's widely at me. He pulls me in for a long lasting lingering kiss. A kiss that makes me want another.


	35. Chapter 35

I walk to the bakery my mind filled with thoughts of just about everything. Annie had said she'd stay with PrimRue so I could go visit Peeta. As I approach the bakery I can feel eyes staring at me. I turn my head to the right to find Snow's granddaughter leaning against a post with a smirk on her lips as she looks at me. I roll my eyes glancing towards the bakery hesitating. Peeta notices me through the window and I glance back towards the girl. I hold up my finger to tell Peeta I'd be there in a minute. He gives me a puzzled expression as I turn towards the girl. I walk over to her tired of the looks she gives me.

"If it isn't Miss Katniss Everdeen. The girl on fire." She claps in a mocking and sarcastic way.

"It's Katniss Mellark." Her smirk drops when I correct her and she glares at me. "Look, what's your problem Miss Snow?" I snap at her, mocking her tone. She rolls her eyes and pushes away from the post standing up straight.

"The name is Spencer," she snaps right back at me. I could feel Peeta's eyes on us as we glare at each other in silence.

"Well, Spencer. What is your problem?" I arch an eyebrow in irritation.

"My problem is you. You're actions are the reason this country has gone to shit." Her words make me mad and without thinking about it I reach out and smack her across the face.

"Listen you little bitch. Your grandfather is the reason so many people died. He made this country fall apart and now everything is fixed." She reaches out to smack me too, but I catch her wrist before she can. She looks at me in surprise and pulls her wrist away from me.

"I'll get you girl on fire." Peeta walks up just as she says this and I could see the anger clearly painted across his face. He looks her straight in the eye when he talks.

"You won't lay a finger on her. Are we clear?" I look at him in surprise by the anger in his voice. She gives him a glare that brings the expression if looks could kill to my mind.

"I'm leaving this stupid District today anyways." She whips around her blonde hair hitting my face as she does. She walks away clearly pissed off. Peeta turns to me and pulls me into a tight hug. I wrap my arms around him as he pulls me into his arms. I rest my chin on his shoulder unable to completely wrap my mind around what had just happened.

"Are you okay?" Peeta pulls away placing his hands on either side of my face looking at me seriously.

"I'm fine, I promise." Relief flashes across his face and he leans in kissing me gently. He rests his forehead against mine his blue eyes looking into mine. "You should go make sure your bread isn't burning." He grins at me as I say this.

"I'll just toss it to you again." He winks at me which causes me to laugh. I thought my saying that would remind him of the day he burnt bread so he could feed me, and keep me from dying of starvation. He takes my hand intertwining our fingers and we walk towards the bakery.

"Do you need help with anything?" I glance at him arching an eyebrow as we walk into the bakery. He lifts me up sitting me on the counter.

"Just sit there and look pretty." He grins and kisses my nose.

"Yes, sir." I return his grin and he chuckles tossing me a cheese bun. I take a bite of the cheese bun and watch him work. First I watch his hands. I was slightly amazed at how natural it came to him, like it was nothing anymore. My eyes trail up to his face flour placed on his forehead. His eyes stare intently at the dough he's kneading. One in a while he glances up and flashes me a grin. I hop off the counter and look at the cake he had decorated. It was made of forest green and sunset orange. It looked almost like scenery, like the forest and the sunset. I smile at the use of my favorite color, and his.

"This is really pretty," I say my eyes still trained on the cake before me. He looks up and smiles at me.

"I thought you'd like it." I turn my head in his direction a soft smile on my lips.

"Why is sunset orange your favorite color? I'm just curious." He grabs me by the waist and pulls me towards him.

"Do you remember that day on the roof of the training center in the capitol before the quarter quell?" I nod wrapping my arms around his neck.

"Well, when we were watching the sunset together I decided it was the second most beautiful thing I had ever seen." I arch an eyebrow curiously at this.

"What's the first?" He grins at me and kisses my nose.

"You." I could feel my cheeks burn red, but a wide smile spreads across my lips.

"God, I love you." He smiles and leans in kissing me deeply.

"I love you too" I smile and lean in to kiss him again. His arms tighten around my waist holding me closer. When the oven beeps we reluctantly pull away. When he turns around to grab the cookies from the oven I grab a cupcake and take some of the frosting off my with finger. Once he sets the cookies down I put the frosting on his nose and grin. He chuckles and tries to grab the cupcake from me.

I pull my hand back holding the cupcake well behind me. A playful grin lights up on my face and he grabs a cupcake of his own. He scoops the frosting up with his finger and gets it on my cheek. I laugh and put more frosting on him before running to the other side of the counter. He chuckles and reaches out to catch me by the waist but misses when I move. I pull the wrapper off my cupcake and take a bite as I do he arches an eyebrow at me. A slight laugh escapes my lips and he tosses some flower at me.

I drop the cupcake grabbing a handful of flour tossing it at him. He runs up behind me grabbing my waist and picking me up and spinning me around. We both laugh and I try getting free of his grip expecting him to do something else on me. Instead he kisses my cheek, but makes a point of getting some of the frosting on his nose onto my cheek. He sets me down and I turn to him. A grin placed on his lips. With my finger I take the frosting off his nose and lick it off my finger.

"Is it good?" He chuckles as he asks. I make a face to indicate that I'm thinking.

"It's a little floury." I snicker and he laughs pulling me towards him.

"I love you," he says grinning down at me.

"I love you too," I reply smiling. I grab a cupcake off the counter and hold it up to him. "Why don't you try it yourself?" I say as I place a kiss on his cheek. He hesitates before shaking his head. I could feel the mood shift and he bites his lip looking down. "What is it?" He shakes his head and my grin falls, my face becoming a mask of concern. "Peeta, tell me." I whisper he sighs and pulls me to the table set off to the side for when he has nothing to do but wait. I sit down next to him and take both his hands in mine.

"I haven't had anything like a cupcake, cake, or anything sweet really since I was five." I arch an eyebrow wondering why this was something that bothered him.

"Why not?" I ask him curiously. He shrugs slightly his eyes trained on out hands.

"I've been...afraid." My eyebrows knit together and I lean my head down catching his eyes making him look at me. He lets out a sigh before he starts speaking.

"When I was five and decorating the cupcakes I thought my mom wasn't around, and I decided to try one. Well, my mother saw. Like you saw the day I burnt the bread for you, she hit me. Well, when she saw me eating the cupcake she hit me multiple times for it and said awful things. Ever since then I've associated eating the sweets I make with abuse." The story makes me feel awful. I couldn't figure out why anyone would abuse their child.

I couldn't even bring myself to even think of hitting PrimRue, for any reason. His abuse was the result of his absolute kindness towards everyone. Except, Snow. But that was because Snow tortured me and tried to take me from him. I lean in and rest my forehead against his. His blue eyes meet mine and I could see the pain of the memory behind him.

"Peeta, you don't have to be afraid. No one's going to hurt you. I won't allow it." The idea of an innocent little five year old Peeta being abused for eating a cupcake brings tears to my eyes. I get up and move so I'm on his lap. I wrap my arms around him tightly. His arms automatically wrapping around me in return, and he hides his face in my hair.

"I don't know what I'd do without you." I barley catch it because his words are muffled by my hair. I turn my head just slightly to place a kiss on his cheek.

"You won't have to be without me. Ever. I promise." He lifts his head up and places a gentle kiss on my lips.

"I love you so much, Kat. More than anything," he says as he looks me in the eyes. A smile crosses my lips.

"I love you too, Peeta. Always." He smiles and I stand up. "Stay there" I tell him and I walk to the kitchen again. I can feel his eyes on me, and I knew he was confused. I grab the paper with the recipe for a cupcake on it. I just make two though. While they're in the oven I make the frosting, I needed to show him it was okay. He didn't need to be afraid of trying these forever. I pull the cupcakes out of the oven burning my wrist slightly as I do.

"Damn it" I mutter under my breath.

"Are you okay?" I nod and he looks at me in concern.

"I'm fine. I promise." He nods and continues to watch me. Impatiently I wait for the cupcakes to cool, before I slather some of the frosting on to them. I walk over to Peeta and hand him one he looks at it hesitantly. "Trust me." I whisper and he looks up at me, a smile on his face. I could see the gratefulness in his eyes.

"Together?" He asks and my mind is suddenly in the first games. When I pulled out the nightlock berries when neither of us could decide who should win. I had told him to trust me, and he had said the same thing.

"Together." I reply just as I do in the memory. I take a bite of the cupcake just as he does. I laugh when I'm done chewing. He looks at me slightly confused. "This is why you bake," I say as I set the cupcake on the table. He laughs and shakes his head opening his arms for me.

"You're not half bad." I roll my eyes and walk into his arms.

"You're such a liar" I tell him laughing as I do. He gives me a grin and kisses my forehead.

"No, really." I shake my head and grin.

"Whatever." He laughs and wraps his arms around me firmly.

"You're right. I don't have much to base it off of, but for my first cupcake I'm glad it was one you made." I look up at him to see him smiling widely at me.

"Well, you're cupcakes are much better then mine." I nod and he shakes his head laughing. He places a kiss on my forehead.

"Ready, to go home to PrimRue?" he asks I nod and stand up.

"Absolutely," I reply. He smiles and takes my hand. On our way out he turns off the oven, and the lights locking the door behind us. As he turns his back to lock the door I notice Spencer watching us from behind a house. When she sees that I notice she runs off and I can't help but wonder what she's up to.


	36. Chapter 36

I walk with Peeta back to the house our fingers intertwined. I can't completely get the image of Spencer watching us from afar out of my head. Her words echo in my head, "I'll get you girl on fire." Peeta glances over at me and I can tell my face shows what I'm thinking when he stops.

"Katniss." I continue walking but he steps in front of me forcing me to stop. I sigh slightly and look away. "What's wrong?" he asks and I shake my head. He takes my face between his hands forcing me to look at him.

"It's just," I pause unsure really what my problem was. Why did I care if Spencer hated me? Then it hits me. "I'm afraid Spencer will hurt you or PrimRue to hurt me." I say and drop my gaze. It was even painful to imagine Peeta and PrimRue being harmed in anyway. I look back up into his blue eyes filled with concern.

"Katniss, you should be more worried about yourself. Although, I did tell her she wouldn't touch you. I made that very clear. No one will hurt you. Ever." I shake my head pulling away. It wasn't me I cared about.

"Peeta, I don't care about me. I care about you and PrimRue. I swear to God if she touches either one of you..." I tail off and he pulls me into his arms wrapping me up in his embrace. I close my eyes burying my face in his chest. His lips press to the top of my head. The feel of his arms around me and his lips against me are calming.

"I'm not going anywhere, and neither is PrimRue," he says and I nod. "I love you, Katniss. Always, always, always" I lift my head from his chest and kiss him deeply. His arms fall wrapping around my waist.

"I love you too," I say pulling away slightly, my voice just above a whisper. He smiles and kisses my forehead. "Peeta, can I ask you something?" He nods looking at me slightly confused. "Why didn't you give up on me? Anyone else in your position would've labeled me a lost cause." He looks at me almost in disbelief and I arch an eyebrow.

"You have no idea how much I love you, do you? Katniss, during the quarter quell when I told you if you die and I live, there's no life for me back in District 12 because you are my whole life, I meant that. That wasn't for the cameras. It's never been about putting on a show, and playing it out for the cameras. Everything I've ever told you had been real, it's been true. I never in a million years would give up on you." Suddenly Haymitch's voice is ringing in my head. 'You could live a thousand life times and not deserve him'.

I always knew this was true, but now he's spot on. I've put him through hell. I almost killed him. I know everyone says it wasn't my fault, but how can it not me? It was my fingers that locked around his through, not President Snow's. Mine.

"He was right," I whisper.

"Who was?" Peeta looks at me with a puzzled expression.

"Haymitch. He said I didn't deserve you, and he's right. I love you beyond belief and I would put your life way before mine, any day. But I tried killing you, when you told the world you were in love with me I shoved you into a flower pot. I fought and fought my feelings for you. Starting from the first games and I hurt you in the process." He shakes his head stopping me with a kiss.

"If anyone doesn't deserve the other here it's me who doesn't deserve you." I put my hand over his mouth frustrated. What was he talking about?

"Peeta, you saved my life when I was a starving twelve year old. From the beginning of the first games you put my life over yours. From the moment you were reaped. I didn't chose your life over mine until I realized that you were working with the careers to save me. No, even then I just wanted a way for both of us to live, but in the cave I knew if you were to die I would never really leave the arena. I'd be trapped forever trying to find a way out. I'd be damaged beyond repair." This time he puts his hand over my mouth pulling my hand from his.

"You're not going to change my mind, Katniss. Alright? I love you more than anything, and I know you love me. Nothings going to change any of that. Ever." I smile and he removes his hand from my mouth. I lean in kissing him. I don't know why Haymitch's words from the victory tour were bothering me now. Peeta was right, we love each other and that's all that matters. I reach up and kiss his cheek. He smiles down at me but as he looks up his smile drops and his expression turns hard. I could feel his body go stiff.

"Katniss, go home I'll be there in a few." I look at him confused and turn around to see Spencer standing at the end of the street. I've about had it with her. I walk down the street towards her ignoring Peeta completely as he tries to get me to stop. A smirk is placed on her lips, irritation clearly pained on my face.

"Just leave already," I snap at her and she laughs without humor.

"Why am I bothering you?" Peeta is just catching up trying to get me to go home.

"Yes actually you are," I snap at her. She narrows her eyes into a glare at me.

"And you've bothered me from the moment you volunteered for your sister." Peeta tried to step between us but I don't let him.

"You're just pissed you didn't get what you want." She grabs my necklace pulling me close almost choking me. As she does this Peeta pushes her off me my necklace snapping off as she stumbles backwards. I gasp taking in air. I push Peeta aside and smack her across the face with as much force as possible. My necklace clatters to the ground her hands going to her face. When she moves her hands I can see the red marks across her face. We both ignore Peeta too angry with the other.

"Listen, you little bitch. Do it again and it will be lover boy over here that I get." Anger flares up in me and I lean in close. My expression almost deadly. It has the desired affect because she steps back.

"I swear to God if you touch my family I won't hesitate to send an arrow through your heart." She turns, clearly defeated and Peeta grabs me by the waist putting me over his shoulder. He knew me too well. He knew I would go after her. I object trying to get him to put me down but he doesn't listen. I watch as she disappears. Something tells me this wouldn't be the last time I see her. Peeta sets me down once we're in the house. Annie looks at us curiously.

"I'm sorry, Peeta. It's just..." He stops me with a kiss.

"Nothing to be sorry for. I just wish you would've listened to me and have come here." I nod.

"I may have over reacted." He shakes his head.

"No. I did when I pushed her though" Now I shake my head.

"No, she was choking me. I would've done it if you hadn't." He opens his mouth to object but I put my finger to his lips. "Shush," I say before pulling my hand away and kissing him gently.

"Katniss-"

"No." I stop him from arguing and I could see he gives up.

"Are you guys okay?" Annie's voice snaps me back to reality.

"Yeah, just Snow's granddaughter..." I trail off and she nods understanding. PrimRue looks at us from Annie's arms. Annie leaves and we eat dinner back to the same feeling we had earlier in the bakery. Once we put PrimRue to bed we lay on the couch. His arms wrapped around me tightly, my head laying against his chest. I stare at the fire before us. We sit silently wrapped up in each other, no words needed. Somewhere between watching the fire and smiling up at Peeta I fall asleep. I wake up when he carries me upstairs.

"Peeta?" I say sleepily.

"Shh," is all he says and kisses my forehead. He lays me on the bed sliding me under the blankets. "I love you," he says and I catch his hand.

"Stay with me" I whisper my eyes sliding shut.

"Always," he replies and smiles sliding into bed next to me, his arms automatically wrapping tightly around me. Just like the days on the train, and in the cave.


	37. Chapter 37

I turn in my sleep uncomfortably trying to find my way out of the nightmare. I find myself back in the Capitol. Snow grips my hands tightly causing me to squirm.

"Dear Katniss, I thought we agreed not to lie to each other." He leans in suddenly shifting, turning into Spencer.

"I'll get you, girl on fire," She snaps. I try to get free of the restraints. "Do it again and I'll get lover boy," I look to my right expecting Johanna but instead I see Peeta.

"No!" I yell, she draws back laughing.

"Katniss." Peeta's voice is strong and calm next to me, it shouldn't be through. Not in his condition.

"Katniss!" My eyes snap open and I sit up quickly. I look at Peeta who's looking at me worried.

"You're okay." I say and wrap my arms around him hiding my face against his neck. his strong steady arms wrap firmly around me.

"Of course I am," He whispers calmly. I pull back and look at him.

"I'm sorry I didn't mean to wake you." He shakes his head pulling me closer.

"No, Katniss. It's okay." I shake my head opening my mouth to object but he stops me with a kiss. "It's okay," he says as he pulls back. He lays back down pulling me with him, his arms tight around me. I bury my face against his neck closing my eyes again. When I wake up Peeta is gone. I walk to the bathroom sleepily and find a note taped to the mirror. I pull it off a smile already forming on my lips.

"Katniss, I left for the bakery already. I didn't want to wake you after your nightmare last night. I'll see you soon. I love you beautiful. Always. - Peeta"

I set the note down. I get dressed in a blue shirt and dark jeans before I go to PrimRue's room. I pick her up gently carrying her downstairs. As soon as I reach the bottom of the stairs the doorbell rings. I spin turning towards the door.

"Hold on," I say loudly and take PrimRue into the living room setting her in her play pin carefully. "Coming!" I yell and make my way back to the door. When I open it, I don't find a person as I had been expecting, but a long skinny golden box. I look at in confusion and pick it up. I take a glance down the street not finding anyone. I shrug and walk back into the house. I carry the box into the living room and I sit down on the couch. PrimRue watches me, her big blue eyes full of curiosity. I pull the top off the box gasping and dropping the box completely when I see it's contents. My hands go to my mouth and I could tell they were shaking.

"Oh my God." I could still see the white from the rose from the corner of my eye. A single white rose. Spencer was sending me a clear message, she knew my weakness and she would get me. Her words echo in my mind.

"I'll get you girl on fire." I kick the box across the room as I get up. PrimRue continues to stare at me. I run to the phone dialing Haymitch's number. It felt like deja vu. Just like after the first games, he was the one I ran to for help.

"Hello." Effie's voice is enthusiastic as usual.

"Effie." My voice comes out shaky so I clear my throat and try again. "Can you come watch PrimRue for me? I need to talk to Haymitch." There's a slight pause. She was probably wondering if had a problem.

"Of course!" She trills. I murmur a "Thank you" and wait for her to come over. When I hear a knock on the door I kiss PrimRue's head and dash out the door.

"Thank you, Effie." I say as I run across the street. Haymitch opens the door just as I reach the porch.

"What's up, sweetheart?" He may have stopped drinking but his sarcastic and bitter tone remained.

"I have a problem." He nods and waves for me to come in. "Snow's granddaughter sent me a white rose." he looks at me as if he's unsure what the problem is, then I remember the white rose means nothing to anyone except me. "President Snow used to send me them to send me messages. Before I was hijacked." Suddenly understanding crosses his face. He shakes his head.

'Damn it. I thought this was over." His words send fear through me and my hands start shaking. He grabs the phone calling someone. "We need you over here. Now." He demands into the phone and hangs up. Something told me he called Peeta. This was too much like old times. I sit down gripping the arms of the chair fighting the nightmares that threaten to rage through my mind. My name's Katniss Mellark. I'm married and completely in love with Peeta Mellark. We have a daughter named PrimRue Mellark. Panem's peaceful now. Snow is dead. But Spencer hates me. Just as I get a slight grip on myself Peeta walks in.

"What's going on?" he asks and pulls me into his arms when he notices I'm barley holding on to my sanity. "Katniss what's wrong?" he asks running his fingers through my hair trying to help calm me down.

"She received a white rose from Spencer." I could feel Peeta tense, he knew what that meant. There was nothing I didn't tell him.

'Where's PrimRue?" He asks his arms tightening protectively around me. "

With Effie." He nods and kisses my forehead.

"We should've seen this coming." Haymitch says and Peeta and I nod in agreement.

"Yeah, but what do we do about it?" I ask. My eyes go to Peeta's face afraid of something happening to him or PrimRue.

"We have a whole country on our side. Let's just relax and see if she tries anything." Haymitch says smoothly.

"I'm not letting her touch Katniss or PrimRue. If she tries something..." Peeta trails off unsure.

"Peeta, it's not guaranteed she will. She knows it's risky." My head is spinning trying to make sense of things. I thought we were done with this, but it doesn't end.

"This whole thing just spins and feeds on itself. Snow making us kill each other. We kill Snow. Now Spencer wants me dead, and you can bet half the country wants her dead. This death cycle just doesn't stop." I say pulling away from Peeta and rubbing my head.

"Well, if that's what it comes to, we'll have her tried." Peeta shake his head rejecting Haymitch's idea.

"No, I'm not waiting for something to happen to Katniss." Peeta argue.

"Peeta, we can't just do something to the girl without proof." They continue arguing causing my head to spin even more. My hijacking was effecting me. Eventually I just black out. I wake up my head throbbing.

"Are you okay?" Peeta pulls me into his arms. I look around to see he must have carried me home.

"Not really." I admit. He kisses my temple sighing slightly. "It'll be okay, Katniss." He promises. I nod burying my face in his chest. "How did we end up straight back where we started?" I say, his arms tightening around me.

"I don't know, but I promise we'll get through this. We've been through two games, your hijacking, and a rebellion. We'll get through this." I pull my head away from his chest and kiss him softly.

"You're right." I say and give a smile.

"I love you." he whispers smiling back.

"I love you too." I say. Peeta was right we could get through this, but how many times can this repeat itself before we lose? I didn't know, but I wouldn't go down without a fight.


End file.
